Restless

…is an understatement.

I can’t even write properly.

My thoughts are everywhere. They’re scattered on the cold pavement. Or etched on blank, white walls.

I’m in perpetual motion. Yet inertia is consistently at my doorstep.

Sometimes, I don’t even know what I’m thinking… or feeling anymore.

But you know what?

I actually like this place.

The emotional unavailability allows me the much needed cushion.

Is this the aftermath of more than a year’s worth of unintended anguish and pain?

Probably.

My gratitude goes out to the wonderful friends who understand the hibernation, the silence, the tears without reason. Thank you for the hand-holding, for your warm embrace, for your comforting words and silent company.

You – thank you for your patience. For drying my tears, for washing my feet. For trying to be there in that space when I wasn’t. For forgiveness. For looking back.

Who knows? It can be true. There might be hope for the flowers.