Preyssure, preyssure!
Last Saturday, Jovan, Emer, Romy and I went to EJ’s wedding.
Clad in formal outfits, we looked like teenyboppers going to a prom night.
We were late – since Jovan had to occasionally stop over in gasoline stations or shoulders to wait for Romy who was still being OC about his new car. Thus, the turtle-paced voyage to Tagaytay.
Nevertheless, we were just in time to hear Carlo and EJ’s exchange of vows.
During the “I dos,” I hurriedly attached my headset to my mobile to call The Boyfriend and tell him what was happening.
I was overwhelmed for both the newly-weds.
With Jovan sitting beside me, we were in awe of what’s happening, with the realization sinking in that we are definitely in the marrying age already.
We were so giddy discussing wedding details as Jovan and I both agreed that our relatives would definitely ruin the occasion for us, with rifts and clan issues. We were animatedly bantering about nice wedding themes, songs and colors.
At the end of it all, however, we both agreed that it hasn’t totally sunk in. The bottomline: WE ARE NOT READY.
I fended off engagement proposals more than three times last year. The thought of engagement and proposal makes me feel claustrophobic. Whenever I am asked when the big thing is for me, I feel a ton of steel pounding on my chest. Not to mention that manic upheaval I felt when I read Emer’s recent blog entry!
The truth is, it’s not a big thing for me. Well, I don’t feel it is. Not just yet.
I was never the little girl who would fantasize walking along the aisle, wearing a white gown and a veil, with a Ken waiting for me at the altar.
Baj was saying that I don’t have “bride genes.” That’s the first time I heard of such a thing.
This year, I will be attending more than 3 weddings of friends. I bet I would encounter the “when” question again.
Tick-tock-tick-tock, says Emer. Time is running out for me. I know The Boyfriend would pop the question anytime soon. I don’t think I could hold it off any longer.
If I have to say no, I would. I think if I want to get married already I would know when, I would feel it.
I am waiting for that feeling.
I am sure it will come to me, but right now I am too preoccupied in thinking of how I would rule the world – and the universe, eventually.
Or maybe, just maybe, when he pops the question, that overwhelming feeling will come to me, swoon me over and make me say YES.
Oh well – I’d rather plan on taking over the world tonight than dwell too much on that again.
Wednesday, January 15, 2003
Friday, January 10, 2003
Men and women friends
My best friend is a guy. [Gasp!]
Despite my penchant for lambasting men [disclaimer: not the entire male species], I have been friends with him for more than a decade now. We saw each other through the emotional roller coasters of life.
Most of the friends I hang out with are a mix breed of men and women. But more often than not, I hit it off with the guys.
I have a theory why I get along well with male friends.
[No offense to very good female friends.]
Women were brought up in a culture that condones double standards. The same culture reinforces the miseducation of women. In the early stages of life, women were educated and trained to compete with each other. The goal was to marry well, bear children and have a good happy family life.
Now that women have pervaded almost all kinds of profession, they are still programmed to be that way – to compete with each other. For success? No. For men. To get the best man they could ever find for themselves.
The recent psychological book that The Temptress lent me expressed glibly what I was thinking the whole time: Women tend to measure who they are and their rate of success based on the partner they have chosen to be with.
Most feminists would disagree with it, but a lot of women have this tendency to gauge their self-esteem based on who their chosen partner is. The male partner is considered the reflection of the woman’s prowess to get an ideal mate.
Such is the same reason why some women friends tend to get jealous of each other, as they are pre-programmed to compete with each other for a man’s attention.
Do men always have to be the bottomline?
This is perhaps one of the reasons why I had a guy bestfriend.
If I would have an iota of girl-envy in my body, it would be around 10%. I couldn’t say I am rid of it. It would be a lie. But most women would have more than 70%.
I guess the reason for this minimal girl-envy would be my demented perception of women, not as competitors, but as prospects as well.
Hehehe.
Enough said.
My best friend is a guy. [Gasp!]
Despite my penchant for lambasting men [disclaimer: not the entire male species], I have been friends with him for more than a decade now. We saw each other through the emotional roller coasters of life.
Most of the friends I hang out with are a mix breed of men and women. But more often than not, I hit it off with the guys.
I have a theory why I get along well with male friends.
[No offense to very good female friends.]
Women were brought up in a culture that condones double standards. The same culture reinforces the miseducation of women. In the early stages of life, women were educated and trained to compete with each other. The goal was to marry well, bear children and have a good happy family life.
Now that women have pervaded almost all kinds of profession, they are still programmed to be that way – to compete with each other. For success? No. For men. To get the best man they could ever find for themselves.
The recent psychological book that The Temptress lent me expressed glibly what I was thinking the whole time: Women tend to measure who they are and their rate of success based on the partner they have chosen to be with.
Most feminists would disagree with it, but a lot of women have this tendency to gauge their self-esteem based on who their chosen partner is. The male partner is considered the reflection of the woman’s prowess to get an ideal mate.
Such is the same reason why some women friends tend to get jealous of each other, as they are pre-programmed to compete with each other for a man’s attention.
Do men always have to be the bottomline?
This is perhaps one of the reasons why I had a guy bestfriend.
If I would have an iota of girl-envy in my body, it would be around 10%. I couldn’t say I am rid of it. It would be a lie. But most women would have more than 70%.
I guess the reason for this minimal girl-envy would be my demented perception of women, not as competitors, but as prospects as well.
Hehehe.
Enough said.
Thursday, January 09, 2003
Email dept.
Let's go UP coño-bashing!
Tales from the Coño Side
By Wanna Fellacio Torero
It's so hirap talaga to study in UP, the University of the Poor. You know, I never wanted to study here. But my parents kasi, they both went to UP and they said na it was the best school talaga. Eh 'di I went.
But no! When I got here, Holy horrors! I was ready to make himatay after the first day pa lang. Would you believe, there's no aircon na nga in the classrooms, the fan doesn't work pa. And then this guy who was like, wearing a sando, shorts and tsinelas lang made tabi next to me. He made pakilala pa! The nerve! So I made takbo to the CR to make tago. But I couldn't make hugas my hands that were so pawis from escaping such a near-death experience. There was no liquid soap! Not even a couch where
I could sit to make kikay.
Do you feel my pain na ba? But wait, there's more. Last Thursday kasi Daddy's Volvo was bawal, eh the Eclipse was being repaired, so I had to make sakay with my yaya in the Ikot jeep. It was so siksik! I could like, smell the putok of the girl next to me. Like, it was sobrang mabaho talaga. Kasi naman, the Ikot jeeps are old na nga, they're mainit pa! Sana they make palit na the jeeps with a shuttle system. Okey lang naman even if there's an increase in pamasahe 'di ba? So when the car is bawal, I can use my credit card na to make bayad.
Isa pa, you know the Shopping Center? It's so kadiri talaga. I'm forced na nga to make Xerox there, (as if naman I could be caught in that place otherwise) pero I'm so inis because it's so maliit and madilim, and most of the stalls don't have aircon. They should tear it down na and build a mall na lang. Then I wouldn't have to go to Katipunan pa to get my Starbucks fix.
My gosh, this place is so bulok I don't know nga why anyone would bother making turo here pa. Just yesterday, my professor was kinda inis kasi her whiteboard marker had no more tinta! Then she tried to make hanap a matino whiteboard marker but of course there was none. Duh! Kasi naman if we had laptops instead of desks in every classroom there would be no more need for whiteboards diba? But you know evevn if there were laptops na, the seats are so tigas sometimes I find it mahirap to concentrate.
Dapat may cushioning para malambot sa butt, like Downy.
Now I'm in my third year na. I don't want to stay in this place anymore. I don't give a paki if UP's the best university here. I'm going to transfer to La Salle, where the CRs have liquid soap. Now na.
Let's go UP coño-bashing!
Tales from the Coño Side
By Wanna Fellacio Torero
It's so hirap talaga to study in UP, the University of the Poor. You know, I never wanted to study here. But my parents kasi, they both went to UP and they said na it was the best school talaga. Eh 'di I went.
But no! When I got here, Holy horrors! I was ready to make himatay after the first day pa lang. Would you believe, there's no aircon na nga in the classrooms, the fan doesn't work pa. And then this guy who was like, wearing a sando, shorts and tsinelas lang made tabi next to me. He made pakilala pa! The nerve! So I made takbo to the CR to make tago. But I couldn't make hugas my hands that were so pawis from escaping such a near-death experience. There was no liquid soap! Not even a couch where
I could sit to make kikay.
Do you feel my pain na ba? But wait, there's more. Last Thursday kasi Daddy's Volvo was bawal, eh the Eclipse was being repaired, so I had to make sakay with my yaya in the Ikot jeep. It was so siksik! I could like, smell the putok of the girl next to me. Like, it was sobrang mabaho talaga. Kasi naman, the Ikot jeeps are old na nga, they're mainit pa! Sana they make palit na the jeeps with a shuttle system. Okey lang naman even if there's an increase in pamasahe 'di ba? So when the car is bawal, I can use my credit card na to make bayad.
Isa pa, you know the Shopping Center? It's so kadiri talaga. I'm forced na nga to make Xerox there, (as if naman I could be caught in that place otherwise) pero I'm so inis because it's so maliit and madilim, and most of the stalls don't have aircon. They should tear it down na and build a mall na lang. Then I wouldn't have to go to Katipunan pa to get my Starbucks fix.
My gosh, this place is so bulok I don't know nga why anyone would bother making turo here pa. Just yesterday, my professor was kinda inis kasi her whiteboard marker had no more tinta! Then she tried to make hanap a matino whiteboard marker but of course there was none. Duh! Kasi naman if we had laptops instead of desks in every classroom there would be no more need for whiteboards diba? But you know evevn if there were laptops na, the seats are so tigas sometimes I find it mahirap to concentrate.
Dapat may cushioning para malambot sa butt, like Downy.
Now I'm in my third year na. I don't want to stay in this place anymore. I don't give a paki if UP's the best university here. I'm going to transfer to La Salle, where the CRs have liquid soap. Now na.
Friday, January 03, 2003
Let me start 2003 by posting a quote from Proust about living life:
"I think that life would suddenly seem wonderful to us if we were threatened to die... Just think of how many projects, travels, love affairs, studies, it -- our life -- hides from us, made invisible by our laziness which, certain of a future, delays them incessantly.
But let all this threaten to become impossible for ever, how beautiful it would become again! Ah! if only the cataclysm doesn't happen this time, we won't miss visiting the new galleries of the Louvre, throwing ourselves at the feet of Miss X, making a trip to India.
The cataclysm doesn't happen, we don't do any of it, because we find ourselves back in the heart of normal life, where negligence deadens desire. And yet we shouldn't have needed the cataclysm to love life today. It would have been enough to think that we are humans, and that death may come this evening."
-- Proust, quoted in How Proust Can Change Your Life
...Very true. This would be my mantra for this year, living life as how it should be.
Happy new year, everyone!
"I think that life would suddenly seem wonderful to us if we were threatened to die... Just think of how many projects, travels, love affairs, studies, it -- our life -- hides from us, made invisible by our laziness which, certain of a future, delays them incessantly.
But let all this threaten to become impossible for ever, how beautiful it would become again! Ah! if only the cataclysm doesn't happen this time, we won't miss visiting the new galleries of the Louvre, throwing ourselves at the feet of Miss X, making a trip to India.
The cataclysm doesn't happen, we don't do any of it, because we find ourselves back in the heart of normal life, where negligence deadens desire. And yet we shouldn't have needed the cataclysm to love life today. It would have been enough to think that we are humans, and that death may come this evening."
-- Proust, quoted in How Proust Can Change Your Life
...Very true. This would be my mantra for this year, living life as how it should be.
Happy new year, everyone!
Thursday, December 26, 2002
All things purple
As I expected, a lot of my friends gave me purple stuff this Christmas - just like what happened during my birthday.
Purple candles, soaps, pillow, sweat bands, vanity kit, vanity box, pens, mirrors and comb.
I opened my gifts on Christmas Eve and I ended up with a heap of purple stuff.
So today, when Jovan asked me what I want as his Christmas present, I told him - anything will do, as long as it's not purple.
But friends, don't take offense. I just don't want my bedroom and office table to look like monochromatic purple. Hehe.
Here's my best gift list for Christmas:
1. Best material Christmas present - the Sony Ericsson T68i my boyfriend gave me.
2. Best non-material present - my Mom's recuperation from cancer [for good, I hope]
3. Funniest - the invisible bra straps from Marks and Spencer given by Raoul.
4. Yummiest Christmas goodies - Liza and Jesse's ensaymadas, John and Mica's apple pie and Marione's homemade cookies.
5. Most comforting - small purple pillow given by Teng [reminded me of childhood past when I used to thumbsuck and bring along a small pillow with me everywhere!].
6. Most useful - V's pink tsinelas. I love the slippers! They're not purple!
7. Most kikay - Mica's 1 year supply of eye shadow applicators and Elisa's purple vanity kit [an aside: a lot of gifts I received have allusions to vanity. No one gave me a book, damn it!]
8. Most unique - Abi's Asian-inspired mirror and Jonathan's huge purple tubao from Zamboanga.
9. Tiniest - earrings from Carissa [yes, I unearthed them underneath the pile of purple tissue paper. Hihihi]
10. Priceless - the hugs and kisses of the family, the doting words of Grandma, The Boyfriend's "I love you," friends' phone calls and text messages, an X's overseas call to kiss and make up at 2 in the morning, a friend's company and the comfort it made me feel, the simple fact that I have a bestfriend, the smiles I brought to the people whose lives I was able to touch this year.
Aaaaw.
As I expected, a lot of my friends gave me purple stuff this Christmas - just like what happened during my birthday.
Purple candles, soaps, pillow, sweat bands, vanity kit, vanity box, pens, mirrors and comb.
I opened my gifts on Christmas Eve and I ended up with a heap of purple stuff.
So today, when Jovan asked me what I want as his Christmas present, I told him - anything will do, as long as it's not purple.
But friends, don't take offense. I just don't want my bedroom and office table to look like monochromatic purple. Hehe.
Here's my best gift list for Christmas:
1. Best material Christmas present - the Sony Ericsson T68i my boyfriend gave me.
2. Best non-material present - my Mom's recuperation from cancer [for good, I hope]
3. Funniest - the invisible bra straps from Marks and Spencer given by Raoul.
4. Yummiest Christmas goodies - Liza and Jesse's ensaymadas, John and Mica's apple pie and Marione's homemade cookies.
5. Most comforting - small purple pillow given by Teng [reminded me of childhood past when I used to thumbsuck and bring along a small pillow with me everywhere!].
6. Most useful - V's pink tsinelas. I love the slippers! They're not purple!
7. Most kikay - Mica's 1 year supply of eye shadow applicators and Elisa's purple vanity kit [an aside: a lot of gifts I received have allusions to vanity. No one gave me a book, damn it!]
8. Most unique - Abi's Asian-inspired mirror and Jonathan's huge purple tubao from Zamboanga.
9. Tiniest - earrings from Carissa [yes, I unearthed them underneath the pile of purple tissue paper. Hihihi]
10. Priceless - the hugs and kisses of the family, the doting words of Grandma, The Boyfriend's "I love you," friends' phone calls and text messages, an X's overseas call to kiss and make up at 2 in the morning, a friend's company and the comfort it made me feel, the simple fact that I have a bestfriend, the smiles I brought to the people whose lives I was able to touch this year.
Aaaaw.
Monday, December 23, 2002
Friday, December 20, 2002
Complicated
It's flattering...
We've been friends for several months now. I thought the attraction already fizzled out for her.
To hear that I am still her best prospect [for lack of a better term] until now is something I couldn't imagine. She still sees me as the worthy one.
WOW.
I feel I don't deserve it.
One of the things that stops her from pursuing me is the fact that she feels that she can't maintain me at this point.
Funny, I see her in the same way.
We got drawn to each other in the first place because we believed in the same principles, valued the same things.
And funny, how the things that brought us together are also the same things that keep us apart.
It's flattering...
We've been friends for several months now. I thought the attraction already fizzled out for her.
To hear that I am still her best prospect [for lack of a better term] until now is something I couldn't imagine. She still sees me as the worthy one.
WOW.
I feel I don't deserve it.
One of the things that stops her from pursuing me is the fact that she feels that she can't maintain me at this point.
Funny, I see her in the same way.
We got drawn to each other in the first place because we believed in the same principles, valued the same things.
And funny, how the things that brought us together are also the same things that keep us apart.
Thursday, December 19, 2002
Boy meets girl
I'm trying to make it up by posting as much as I can right now since I have spare time. :-)
I met a boy who's as equally thirsty as I am in maintaining the chase in a relationship.
He craves the pursuit as I do.
He does not believe in complacency. He gets bored with it. He likes to be on his toes the whole time - and he expects the same thing with his lady.
When we were talking about it I remembered my post where I rambled on and on about men not being able to maintain the novelty and the chase which makes a relationship eventually go blah.
He was on the same page about it as I am.
Quite interesting, huh?
I'm trying to make it up by posting as much as I can right now since I have spare time. :-)
I met a boy who's as equally thirsty as I am in maintaining the chase in a relationship.
He craves the pursuit as I do.
He does not believe in complacency. He gets bored with it. He likes to be on his toes the whole time - and he expects the same thing with his lady.
When we were talking about it I remembered my post where I rambled on and on about men not being able to maintain the novelty and the chase which makes a relationship eventually go blah.
He was on the same page about it as I am.
Quite interesting, huh?
Wednesday, December 18, 2002
When you feel you're not good enough...
you may also be in a slump. It's one of the most atrocious kind of self-doubt you may ever experience.
Come to think of it, people who exude the greatest self-confidence might just be the most insecure person you have ever known.
It's both a blessing and a curse.
Thinking that you're not good enough will make you strive to be better. But it would also unleash an entire spectrum of insecurities.
It can even be a double whammy. When you feel that you're not good enough for someone, you work hard to deserve the person.
But when the time comes that you know you already accomplished your mission, you ask yourself - is the person still good enough
for you?
There goes another vicious cycle.
you may also be in a slump. It's one of the most atrocious kind of self-doubt you may ever experience.
Come to think of it, people who exude the greatest self-confidence might just be the most insecure person you have ever known.
It's both a blessing and a curse.
Thinking that you're not good enough will make you strive to be better. But it would also unleash an entire spectrum of insecurities.
It can even be a double whammy. When you feel that you're not good enough for someone, you work hard to deserve the person.
But when the time comes that you know you already accomplished your mission, you ask yourself - is the person still good enough
for you?
There goes another vicious cycle.
Monday, December 09, 2002
Please lang
Right now I am mulling over the joys of being in a third world country.
Patriotic friends would hate me for this, but damn it, sometimes I wish I was born elsewhere. And let's not be hypocritical about it. Most of us have thought about this at one point in our lives. It has always been at the back of our heads, gnawing at us. The difference is only a few would be brazen enough to admit it.
It’s time for the musical chairs once again. Come January, people would be moving in and out of jobs. Companies that don’t make it would be compelled to retrench its employees, or worse, fold up.
The IT industry is eternally unstable.
Most of my friends and acquaintances in their mid-20s and 30s are seriously considering migrating to another country to escape poverty here and be able to raise their families either in the US or Canada.
Next year, we are facing an ever-increasing budget deficit.
The peso is forecasted to be weak in the light of the country’s higher inflation and lending rates.
FPJ is seriously considering the idea of running for President. With Panfilo Lacson as VP.
And they’re actually on top of the surveys!
So what happens to all of us? Seems like an Edsa Quatro in the offing.
Jaded as Romy was when he said this, I think I’m inclined to believe him now:
If FPJ gets elected as president, the poor deserves their poverty.
Right now I am mulling over the joys of being in a third world country.
Patriotic friends would hate me for this, but damn it, sometimes I wish I was born elsewhere. And let's not be hypocritical about it. Most of us have thought about this at one point in our lives. It has always been at the back of our heads, gnawing at us. The difference is only a few would be brazen enough to admit it.
It’s time for the musical chairs once again. Come January, people would be moving in and out of jobs. Companies that don’t make it would be compelled to retrench its employees, or worse, fold up.
The IT industry is eternally unstable.
Most of my friends and acquaintances in their mid-20s and 30s are seriously considering migrating to another country to escape poverty here and be able to raise their families either in the US or Canada.
Next year, we are facing an ever-increasing budget deficit.
The peso is forecasted to be weak in the light of the country’s higher inflation and lending rates.
FPJ is seriously considering the idea of running for President. With Panfilo Lacson as VP.
And they’re actually on top of the surveys!
So what happens to all of us? Seems like an Edsa Quatro in the offing.
Jaded as Romy was when he said this, I think I’m inclined to believe him now:
If FPJ gets elected as president, the poor deserves their poverty.
Friday, November 29, 2002
Crunch time
I hate to be a Dakila copycat, but I would also have to lay low in posting blog notes.
I'm part of the events committee preparing for the Christmas party [sorry, Mica, I can't help as much as I did before.
I have four papers to turn in on December 14 for school. I'm trying to rake in more points for school. I will soon reap the benefits when I bag that master's degree. Hah!
I haven't even felt the Christmas season. How can I if I don't have the money yet [hello bosses, we need our bonuses!]. And even if I do, I don't have spare time to go shopping for gifts.
Sorry, friends. Seems like your Christmas presents will be a bit delayed.
I hate to be a Dakila copycat, but I would also have to lay low in posting blog notes.
I'm part of the events committee preparing for the Christmas party [sorry, Mica, I can't help as much as I did before.
I have four papers to turn in on December 14 for school. I'm trying to rake in more points for school. I will soon reap the benefits when I bag that master's degree. Hah!
I haven't even felt the Christmas season. How can I if I don't have the money yet [hello bosses, we need our bonuses!]. And even if I do, I don't have spare time to go shopping for gifts.
Sorry, friends. Seems like your Christmas presents will be a bit delayed.
Tuesday, November 19, 2002
Demented thoughts from night’s past
What she said haunted me until the wee hours of the night.
“i have very different ideas about being in love and love itself....being in love is a sexual response....it's the desire to end loneliness....it's supposed to be fleeting.....love is the reason you stay in the relationship even after you [have] so called fallen out of love....”
I must agree with her. I have always been a firm believer that love is a choice – to stick it out with someone after the butterflies in the stomach have already subsided. I have long distinguished between falling in love and being in love.
I must say, I fell for her. I’m not sure if it’s just a strong attraction or love. I just know I have fallen. I can’t speak for her, but I know what I felt was reciprocated.
Then our conversation led to honor, faithfulness and fidelity. It was like a reinforcement of our pact, that dance as we might close to flirting and passion, we can NEVER go beyond friendship.
Nevertheless, we still talk about us, how we can stay faithful with our chosen halves, how we can restrain ourselves from falling deeply into each other, how we should just remain friends and how we can still see each other while ignoring that burning desire.
But isn’t it just another convenient set-up for both of us? Come to think of it, we have become free in expressing our thoughts and feelings for each other without the guilt brought about by the actual consummation of an affair.
It has become a safety net that we both created to deter ourselves from wandering and to continue, according to her terms, being “good” and “true.”
Yes, such convenience that it does offer.
Such agony as well.
We can never touch each other. We have to consistently ignore emotions for each other, and repeatedly remind ourselves that there is no future in it for us.
And I have to constantly tell myself, you have fallen for her, but you love someone else.
What she said haunted me until the wee hours of the night.
“i have very different ideas about being in love and love itself....being in love is a sexual response....it's the desire to end loneliness....it's supposed to be fleeting.....love is the reason you stay in the relationship even after you [have] so called fallen out of love....”
I must agree with her. I have always been a firm believer that love is a choice – to stick it out with someone after the butterflies in the stomach have already subsided. I have long distinguished between falling in love and being in love.
I must say, I fell for her. I’m not sure if it’s just a strong attraction or love. I just know I have fallen. I can’t speak for her, but I know what I felt was reciprocated.
Then our conversation led to honor, faithfulness and fidelity. It was like a reinforcement of our pact, that dance as we might close to flirting and passion, we can NEVER go beyond friendship.
Nevertheless, we still talk about us, how we can stay faithful with our chosen halves, how we can restrain ourselves from falling deeply into each other, how we should just remain friends and how we can still see each other while ignoring that burning desire.
But isn’t it just another convenient set-up for both of us? Come to think of it, we have become free in expressing our thoughts and feelings for each other without the guilt brought about by the actual consummation of an affair.
It has become a safety net that we both created to deter ourselves from wandering and to continue, according to her terms, being “good” and “true.”
Yes, such convenience that it does offer.
Such agony as well.
We can never touch each other. We have to consistently ignore emotions for each other, and repeatedly remind ourselves that there is no future in it for us.
And I have to constantly tell myself, you have fallen for her, but you love someone else.
Monday, November 18, 2002
Of stalkers, flowers and homosexuality
in response to ramit's post
Please allow me to indulge in my very favorite capital sin - vanity - as I write a reply to one posting on my message board.
Wow! I can't believe some people are reading my blog. I never thought some would consider it interesting, as I tend to bore myself at times.
Thanks for the post, ramit. You might want to tell me your blogger, if you have any so I can pry into it as well. I value fairness, you know. Hehe.
The message board wasn't really my idea. It was Jovan's. My blogger was spawned by selfish reasons - to talk about myself, rant and rave about things, write about thoughts that might get me in trouble when spoken or written offline. Reading reactions to what I write wasn't really part of the plan. Not that I don't care about what others think. I don't want my opinion to be tainted by others', most specially regarding things I hold sacred. Yes, I am that stubborn and opinionated.
Reading my blog isn’t synonymous to stalking, ramit. Perhaps it would help me track our common friends if you tell me who they are. Were you talking about Camille – as in Littlefoot’s friend?
I’m tempted to ask you – ASL please? Hahaha. But the question is so 1990s. It wouldn’t be fair as well since you only know me from my postings.
As for the flowers, I don’t mind receiving them but I’d appreciate it more if it were a book, a pack of cigarettes or gift certificates from my favorite boutiques. Hee-hee. I don’t mind giving flowers, though. I am generous in that regard – mixed colors for friends, red for lovers, and white for those I love.
Being bisexual has given me both pleasure and pain, to put it simply. I don’t really like referring to myself as one. I think I am a repressed lesbian [Hahaha. Good thing The Boyfriend doesn’t read my blog!], in the sense that I am more inclined to get attracted to women but for now I chose the heterosexual path. It is safer, more grounded and less complicated. Call me a coward for my choice, but it does work for me.
My Temptress referred to it as love transcending gender. I believe so, too, but some might assail me from glorifying it. I speak only for myself. I am out with my family, to my best friends, The Boyfriend and some officemates.
Yes, my attraction for women landed me in trouble. In high school I was almost stripped off of my honors because of it. My former lover’s mother literally tried to exorcise us – thinking that we were possessed by demons. Damn hypocrites.
Perhaps the bottomline for me was acceptance. I am not a lesbian or a bisexual – I am a woman who has made my own definitions. And a woman, who admittedly is in the middle of living life and learning from it.
Life is not a popularity contest. If you strive to be popular to everyone, you would end up feeling miserable and incomplete. As long as you don’t step on people’s toes, whatever people say shouldn’t really cause you sleepless nights.
in response to ramit's post
Please allow me to indulge in my very favorite capital sin - vanity - as I write a reply to one posting on my message board.
Wow! I can't believe some people are reading my blog. I never thought some would consider it interesting, as I tend to bore myself at times.
Thanks for the post, ramit. You might want to tell me your blogger, if you have any so I can pry into it as well. I value fairness, you know. Hehe.
The message board wasn't really my idea. It was Jovan's. My blogger was spawned by selfish reasons - to talk about myself, rant and rave about things, write about thoughts that might get me in trouble when spoken or written offline. Reading reactions to what I write wasn't really part of the plan. Not that I don't care about what others think. I don't want my opinion to be tainted by others', most specially regarding things I hold sacred. Yes, I am that stubborn and opinionated.
Reading my blog isn’t synonymous to stalking, ramit. Perhaps it would help me track our common friends if you tell me who they are. Were you talking about Camille – as in Littlefoot’s friend?
I’m tempted to ask you – ASL please? Hahaha. But the question is so 1990s. It wouldn’t be fair as well since you only know me from my postings.
As for the flowers, I don’t mind receiving them but I’d appreciate it more if it were a book, a pack of cigarettes or gift certificates from my favorite boutiques. Hee-hee. I don’t mind giving flowers, though. I am generous in that regard – mixed colors for friends, red for lovers, and white for those I love.
Being bisexual has given me both pleasure and pain, to put it simply. I don’t really like referring to myself as one. I think I am a repressed lesbian [Hahaha. Good thing The Boyfriend doesn’t read my blog!], in the sense that I am more inclined to get attracted to women but for now I chose the heterosexual path. It is safer, more grounded and less complicated. Call me a coward for my choice, but it does work for me.
My Temptress referred to it as love transcending gender. I believe so, too, but some might assail me from glorifying it. I speak only for myself. I am out with my family, to my best friends, The Boyfriend and some officemates.
Yes, my attraction for women landed me in trouble. In high school I was almost stripped off of my honors because of it. My former lover’s mother literally tried to exorcise us – thinking that we were possessed by demons. Damn hypocrites.
Perhaps the bottomline for me was acceptance. I am not a lesbian or a bisexual – I am a woman who has made my own definitions. And a woman, who admittedly is in the middle of living life and learning from it.
Life is not a popularity contest. If you strive to be popular to everyone, you would end up feeling miserable and incomplete. As long as you don’t step on people’s toes, whatever people say shouldn’t really cause you sleepless nights.
Friday, November 15, 2002
When the courtship stops
Why do some men think that when they already have the girl inside a committed relationship the conquest is already over?
Contrary to how they think, women believe that the quest is just beginning.
I think these men (I'm not referring to all of them, mind you) should be placed into some sort of training school where socialization with women is not bound by double-standards and machismo.
I believe that courtship should never end. The wooing never stops. I think I am a valid resource person for this since I have also wooed both men and women in my life. And I never stopped doing so even after they have agreed to enter in a relationship with me.
A man doesn't need to promise me the moon and the stars. I don't even need the vow of eternity as I have issues if forever truly exists.
All I want is constant reinforcement and fine-tuning of relationship, the loathing of complacency and mediocrity.
I thirst the constant intellectual and emotional challenge. I believe in the meeting of the mind, body and soul.
I don't need bouquets of flowers. Flowers, when plucked, are already dead.
But I dread the day when the relationship slides into insipidness and monotony.
Is this too much to ask?
If it is then I might as well convince myself that I would eventually end up a spinster. But I'd rather be one than settle for something less than I deserve.
Why do some men think that when they already have the girl inside a committed relationship the conquest is already over?
Contrary to how they think, women believe that the quest is just beginning.
I think these men (I'm not referring to all of them, mind you) should be placed into some sort of training school where socialization with women is not bound by double-standards and machismo.
I believe that courtship should never end. The wooing never stops. I think I am a valid resource person for this since I have also wooed both men and women in my life. And I never stopped doing so even after they have agreed to enter in a relationship with me.
A man doesn't need to promise me the moon and the stars. I don't even need the vow of eternity as I have issues if forever truly exists.
All I want is constant reinforcement and fine-tuning of relationship, the loathing of complacency and mediocrity.
I thirst the constant intellectual and emotional challenge. I believe in the meeting of the mind, body and soul.
I don't need bouquets of flowers. Flowers, when plucked, are already dead.
But I dread the day when the relationship slides into insipidness and monotony.
Is this too much to ask?
If it is then I might as well convince myself that I would eventually end up a spinster. But I'd rather be one than settle for something less than I deserve.
Wednesday, November 13, 2002
Monday, November 11, 2002
What we are fighting for
As I talked to friends over the weekend, I realized that we are all waging the same battles. We are faced with almost the same issues: maintenance of romantic relationships or trying to get one, jumpstarting careers, payment of credit card debts and other growing mortgages.
I received an angst-ridden text message from a friend over lunch, asking for job vacancies. This friend threatens to leave the company if they're not given the year-end bonus they truly deserve.
What are we all fighting for? The bottomline is simple.
We all want quality of life.
As I talked to friends over the weekend, I realized that we are all waging the same battles. We are faced with almost the same issues: maintenance of romantic relationships or trying to get one, jumpstarting careers, payment of credit card debts and other growing mortgages.
I received an angst-ridden text message from a friend over lunch, asking for job vacancies. This friend threatens to leave the company if they're not given the year-end bonus they truly deserve.
What are we all fighting for? The bottomline is simple.
We all want quality of life.
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
Smorgasbord
I'm not really frustrated with my career right now. It's probably because I'm really pragmatic when it comes to things like this. Still, I can't help but think - is this really the path I want to take? I can't be in usability forever. I just can't stand the thought of doing web site QAs for the rest of my life.
True enough, I am with a very equitable employer (and I am very grateful to them), but what's in it for me for the long haul? As to the question whether I am staying here, I think I am for a while. I'm still studying and this is a very good training ground. Besides, I think the organization is worth giving the chance [tangna, loyal!].
As for friendships and romantic trysts, it's really hard to become friends again when you almost transcended it. It's like groping for words to say or things to do. It's like always having this mental checklist and friendship guard whether what you're doing is just being friendly or is it again crossing the line.
And yes, Jovan. It was something very difficult to do, in the sense that I know I could get away with it. Friends won't really be able to stop me, but I know I couldn't get away with it with myself. It's a simple mantra really: thou shalt not make enemies with thyself. Of course, things became easier because la querida is open-minded and easy to talk to. It helped that we are on the same page, realizing that there is really no future in it.
So dude, learn from this experience. Use it to your advantage with that Mayda issue.
I'm not really frustrated with my career right now. It's probably because I'm really pragmatic when it comes to things like this. Still, I can't help but think - is this really the path I want to take? I can't be in usability forever. I just can't stand the thought of doing web site QAs for the rest of my life.
True enough, I am with a very equitable employer (and I am very grateful to them), but what's in it for me for the long haul? As to the question whether I am staying here, I think I am for a while. I'm still studying and this is a very good training ground. Besides, I think the organization is worth giving the chance [tangna, loyal!].
As for friendships and romantic trysts, it's really hard to become friends again when you almost transcended it. It's like groping for words to say or things to do. It's like always having this mental checklist and friendship guard whether what you're doing is just being friendly or is it again crossing the line.
And yes, Jovan. It was something very difficult to do, in the sense that I know I could get away with it. Friends won't really be able to stop me, but I know I couldn't get away with it with myself. It's a simple mantra really: thou shalt not make enemies with thyself. Of course, things became easier because la querida is open-minded and easy to talk to. It helped that we are on the same page, realizing that there is really no future in it.
So dude, learn from this experience. Use it to your advantage with that Mayda issue.
Monday, November 04, 2002
Lessons learned over the long weekend
Thank you, GMA, for the long weekend. It made me realize a lot of things.
1. Some things are bound to happen, but some things are also bound to end. No matter how hard you try to avoid something from happening, it still happens anyway. If it does happen, don't feel sorry nor regret that it did. Charge it to experience, and to more expenses at that.
2. Love is but a word. Sacrifice gives it meaning. That is, according to my CEO and the trycicle where this poem was posted. Mushy but true nonetheless. It takes a lot of sacrifice and hardships to keep love and continue being in love. You just have to be sure that it's worth it.
3. When you are faced with a fidelity dilemma and you were able to transcend it, you will never have to be faced with that issue again. Says Marione. I believe so. One you have learned how to fend the temptation off, you would know how to fend it off again when it comes your way in the future.
4. You think you can stop anytime you want, but in reality, you just can't. Because if this were true, you should have stopped even before it started. Hmmm...
5. The bottomline is still what you really value in life. When faced with a lot of choices, the decision would always come down to what matters most to you. There will always be the seduction of trying out new things, but what would keep you grounded is what you consider important and your choice to stick with it.
Thank you, GMA, for the long weekend. It made me realize a lot of things.
1. Some things are bound to happen, but some things are also bound to end. No matter how hard you try to avoid something from happening, it still happens anyway. If it does happen, don't feel sorry nor regret that it did. Charge it to experience, and to more expenses at that.
2. Love is but a word. Sacrifice gives it meaning. That is, according to my CEO and the trycicle where this poem was posted. Mushy but true nonetheless. It takes a lot of sacrifice and hardships to keep love and continue being in love. You just have to be sure that it's worth it.
3. When you are faced with a fidelity dilemma and you were able to transcend it, you will never have to be faced with that issue again. Says Marione. I believe so. One you have learned how to fend the temptation off, you would know how to fend it off again when it comes your way in the future.
4. You think you can stop anytime you want, but in reality, you just can't. Because if this were true, you should have stopped even before it started. Hmmm...
5. The bottomline is still what you really value in life. When faced with a lot of choices, the decision would always come down to what matters most to you. There will always be the seduction of trying out new things, but what would keep you grounded is what you consider important and your choice to stick with it.
Monday, October 28, 2002
My own roller coaster ride
I am beginning to form the conclusion that my life is nothing but a vicious cycle. This can be taken as something good, but I take it as something bad for me.
Same pattern of events. Only the characters are changing.
Right now I am again confronted with the dilemma with regard to which values are important to me.
Suffice it to say that it's not my first time to be trapped in between 2 choices that are situated directly at the extreme poles of the spectrum. One way or another, it would change my life.
It is again a matter of choosing between consistency and comfort versus treading the fast, the furious and the very uncertain lane.
If I go down deep inside me, I know what I want, but when I choose what I really want, does it also mean I am choosing form over substance?
I am beginning to form the conclusion that my life is nothing but a vicious cycle. This can be taken as something good, but I take it as something bad for me.
Same pattern of events. Only the characters are changing.
Right now I am again confronted with the dilemma with regard to which values are important to me.
Suffice it to say that it's not my first time to be trapped in between 2 choices that are situated directly at the extreme poles of the spectrum. One way or another, it would change my life.
It is again a matter of choosing between consistency and comfort versus treading the fast, the furious and the very uncertain lane.
If I go down deep inside me, I know what I want, but when I choose what I really want, does it also mean I am choosing form over substance?
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