My Interstate 77

Two Saturdays ago, I had another red wine and movie night with friends in my apartment. Bobby lent me his disk of Interstate 60 – starring James Marsden and Gary Oldman.

It was a story about this young guy – James Marsden – who was confused about his future. This took him on a road trip heading to Interstate 60 – which apparently doesn’t exist on any map. From there, he had to make decisions crucial to finding his path.

The treatment of the movie was humorous and weird. But we all kinda related to it.

Come to think of it, all of my friends who I just recently had dinner or coffee with are all asking questions with the same bottomline: Where is my life leading to?

Where is my job, my relationship, my life going?

As this new year started, I was amazed and awed by the decisions I am forced to do. And get this – everything is happening to me all at the same time!

a. Current job with a lot of training, travel perks and brand exposure versus a job offer in the making, with higher pay, no Saturday work and with my old mentor as my boss.

b. Staying in my apartment that I furnished on my own versus moving to a bigger, cozier apartment with a good friend.

c. Waiting for The Ex to come to his senses or starting a new relationship with a long-time friend whom I’m starting to be “in like” with.

I have to make decisions very soon, but all the options are good.

Seems like I am at a crossroads again. Welcome to my own Interstate 77.

2005 Goals – Attainable or Unattainable


1. Find The One.
All things being considered, I realized I never prayed for this. I’ve always prayed for a successful career, or a happy family – but never to find The One I will fall in love with.

2. Seriously go back to school in June.
I don’t have to take on a full load. I just need to go back to school. Not to mention passing my subjects once again with flying colors.

3. Travel. And more travel out of the country.
Singapore again? Thailand? Bali? Doesn’t matter. I don’t care. I just need to get out of the country more often.

4. Hit the beach more frequently.
I love the sand. Doesn’t it just feel great to drink wine, smoke cigarettes and get so wasted while lying on the sand? When everyone else is woozy after the alcohol takes its effect, it’s just so nice to stare at the stars. And I’m off to the beach this weekend, woohoo!

Boracay in June. Bora, here I come!

5. More coffee sessions and long lunches with friends.
I am so proud of myself last year for being able to touch base again with a lot of friends – especially my college buddies. I intend to do the same thing this year.

6. Hot air balloon ride at Clark Field, Pampanga.
Dang, didn’t make this happen last year.

7. Replenish my savings.
I don’t know how I’d do this now that I’m taking care of Anita – my new car and Fed’s replacement. There’s just so many stuff to maintain! But having Anita is so much better than hailing a cab.

8. Wake up at 6am every morning.
So I won’t be late for work. So I have time to do my morning rituals. So I don’t have to go through the EDSA traffic now that it’s being repaired!

9. Go for the gold at work.
More kick-ass projects and brighter ideas for my Marketing team! Hell, this is one of the sure-fire ways for the regional office to take notice and eventually pirate me – hwehehehe.

10. Live life.
Elephant rides. Movies. Holding a friend’s hand. Doing something scary and nerve-wracking every now and then. Stop procrastinating. Run after that “high” and rush in everything that I do.

11. Kinder words. Kinder deeds.
Less of being a bitch – if I can help it. More patience. More random acts of kindness. Helping more, reaching out more often.

12. Being friends with The Ex.
Hard to admit, but despite all that were said and done – we were good together. And we were friends. It would be a shame if we’d end up like strangers when we shared so much.

I have other to-dos that are in my head right now, like living healthier, keeping promises, spending more time with my family, trying not to sweat the small stuff, attending to the more important and more significant things. My list could go on… and on… and on…

I guess, the bottomline is simple: outdoing myself. Doing better this year compared to 2004. And the perennial pursuit of the ever-elusive goal and desire of any human being walking this planet: happiness.

New Year, New Promises and Dreams, Triumphs and Heartaches
- and new ways of biting people’s heads off! -

Last year, as the year 2004 unfolded itself, I made a laundry list of things I would like to accomplish in 2004.

Let me copy-paste here what I wrote back then and see the things I’ve done and the rest that I failed to do (what do you know, there’s still 2005!)


Things I’d like to do/accomplish in 2004(From the mundane to the essentials, in no particular order)

1. Finish my master’s degree with flying colors, hopefully.

Nope. I have 3 more subjects to go. I actually had to file for LOA since I couldn’t handle both my school and workload anymore.

2. Learn how to drive a stick shift.

Yep, I did! And I actually bought one with the now Ex-Boyfriend and I was able to buy one for myself just last December. Ang ganda ko!

3. Go back to the gym and start lifting weights again. Damn, I’m gaining weight.

Yep, I did. But I haven’t been going for quite some time now because of my heavy workload. But I did lose weight. Going back to the gym even gave the added pleasure of meeting The Bad Boy and becoming really good friends with him.

4. Or, go back to dancing. I miss street jazz. I miss the dance floor and the ledge. Learn modern jazz.

Yes and no. I didn’t take dance classes but I rediscovered clubbing. Go Temple!

5. Start joining outreach programs again. My high school friends and I are starting on the 11th in Marikina. I’m excited!

Yes. Through company-sponsored outreach programs for street children.

6. Learn how to cook new recipes.

Nope. I couldn’t cook in my pad. All my clothes will smell like garlic. New recipe on the one hand, or maintaining my clothes on the other. I chose clothes!

7. Go to Cambodia and Bangkok with Mom in April.

Nope. But I did go to Singapore for both business and pleasure. Not bad.

8. Ride a hot air balloon in Clark Field, Pampanga.

Nope. But I intend to this 2005!

9. See more plays and go to new museums.

Yes to both.

10. More frequent random act of kindness.

Yes.

11. Spiritual retreat in June.

No. I actually suffered some sort of spiritual decline. But trying to get back on my feet.

12. Get my 40 vendor accounts at work. Uhmmm… can I die now?

Bizdev reached its targets, but right in the middle of the year, I was promoted and transferred to Marketing.

13. See my college friends more often.

Yep! And damn proud! I enjoyed the long Saturday lunches that lasted until 5 in the afternoon. I loved the coffee sessions with Niño and Panet.

14. Get to see The Buddy in August or September – in flesh and blood. Yeeeees!

A resounding YEEEEEEES! This is one of the most fab laurels and landmarks of the year. Put it this way: He came, he saw and he conquered. Wooohooo!

15. Heal. Mend relationships. Be at peace with myself. Talk to my personal God more often.

Yes, still trying to heal. Being at peace with myself is a constant struggle. Talking to God – I do it often, but it was very rare that I actually tried to listen.

Hmmm… not bad, huh? Not bad at all.

Up next: the 2005 conquests!

Happy New Year, everyone!

Woman

Welcome, single-blessedness. I embrace you with open arms.

It's time to conquer the world again.

[Read between the lines: I can now date freely, flirt without the pangs of guilt and find that Charming One. So friends, you know my type. Keep the dates coming in. But I am in no rush to be in a new relationship. Sweet time, sweet time - it's still on my side for the next 2-3 years.]

Travel is like university without walls.

- Anita Roddick
The Body Shop founder

Late-bloomer

Funny, I've never appreciated Friends when everyone else I know would hurriedly go home to eagerly watch it.

One time, I was just too bored and running out of VCDs/DVDs in ACA to rent out I grabbed one disk of the show. Before I know it, I was so addicted - hoarding all the disks per season!

Everytime I would watch an episode, I'd be laughing my ass off! The episodes where Rachel and Joey got together as a couple and when they were trying to have sex were hilarious. I was laughing so hard I almost fell of my bed.

Since I have a major event coming this last week of November and I can't leave Metro Manila (I know! Sad! Sad!), I think I'm gonna spend my time mostly in front of my laptop working and my TV watching season 10.

Speaking of Friends...

What a way to spend my Saturday afternoon! I drove to Belair just to get my current favorite cigarette pack - Peel. It's a new cigarette with an orange and menthol taste. I couldn't find it elsewhere, not even at AIM or in UP campus where all kinds of cigarettes (yep, even Indonesian and Singaporean brands) are being sold. I had a lunch sched with friends at Podium and I know there's going to be a one hell of a cigarette and coffee session I just had to drive to Makati and back to Ortigas to get my Peel pack!

I arrived at the Podium around past 1. I met Nino and Panet to have lunch at Cafe' Breton. It's one of those long lunches on a hot Saturday afternoon that I really love having.

Over plates of crepes and while forking over our blueberry dessert, we were talking about our other cono pals and the times in college when we had nothing better to do but hang out at the AS lobby, smoke, play pusoy dos and tong-its, cut classes, eat lunch at Katips or El Pueblo.

A lot of things changed in the past six years. Some of us are still friends, some drifted apart. Some reached their dreams, some are happily married, some stayed in the abyss of not wanting to grow up and wanting forever to stay just as they were when we were all AS kids.

Despite the changes, there were things that stayed the same. Nino is still the old-rich, ever-grounded pal who would always want to listen to what's happening in your life. Nagpapalibre pa rin, kahit na mayaman.

And Panet - being a wife and a mom - is still the funny yet brutally frank and in-your-face girlfriend who will give you the lowdown and her take on your issues.

I rarely hang out with them. As much as I would like to spend more long lunches or Tagaytay coffees with them, we all have things in our lives that pretty much takes up all of our time. But I'm glad that every now and then, when I need to catch my breath, I can come home to the comfort of their friendship.

If there's anything I'm grateful for being an AS tambay, I'm glad to have met them.

Press releases factory

I have to churn out a minimum of 7 press releases for my major event. So far, I only got 2 done. I was kidnapped by the Chairman to go to a site inspection with him out of town just as I finished buying my take-out lunch at the cafe. He asked me to give my take-out chow to someone and go with him to Market, Market for lunch. We're meeting the Ayalas since they're offering us a prime spot in one of their malls in the outskirts of Manila.

After lunch, we headed down south to the mall. We got back to Manila at past 3.

My day was almost gone and I have yet to write anything.

At past 7, here I am, blogging. I'm just too tired to write for work. So in between thinking of something to hype about my event, I am blogging and surfing Kenneth Cole's site for their latest on-sale items.

Nuninuninu. 5 more press releases to go.

Not-so-random acts of kindness

Yes, The Bitch has a heart. Two Saturdays ago, I treated the entire Marketing team to a McDonald’s pancake breakfast. Down and out with the tiresome October sale, I had to lift their spirits up with a very simple gesture – fed them and gave them a bit of a sugar high.

Last Saturday, my VM Officer was up to his ears with his load, not to mention with the bickering of the highs and the mighties. I shared with him my morning snack and my pack of West Ice.


Unforgivable oversight that I had to forgive

I hate it when I give VERY CLEAR instructions on a particular project – the specifics of what to do and what not – and yet end up getting a lousy report or output.

A week ago, I asked one of my Marketing Officers to fix the logistics requirement of a major event since I had to deload myself of the task. My plate was just so full. All she had to do was encode the pocket activities according to the schedule.

When the document came back to me, she got so confused she overturned some of the schedules. I ended up revising the entire thing myself.

Since when did 3:30 pm come earlier than 1:30 pm? I guess she left her brain at home that day.

Whew. I had to count 1 to 100 to just let this one slide and remind her to please, next time, read and try to understand.

Simpleng-simple.

It gets to me when team members don’t think when they do their tasks. That’s what they’re there for!

Impulses and random thoughts

1. Pizza and Chilean red wine from Trio. I like!

2. I’d rather go to Bangkok in January than attend the Sinulog in Cebu. Something that I couldn’t tell friends so I’m going, anyway.

3. How S&M. Mother Boss, after breathing down my neck and nagging me 24/7 about my projects, told me that my team is by far the best marketing team she ever had. And after slamming the phone on me twice in a row two days ago, told me today that she wants to send me to Hong Kong for PR training. Cariño brutal ito!

4. My younger sister is portraying a more schizophrenic and neurotic me. Distorted.

5. I want to drop one best friend off the list. I can’t believe how after going through so much with him, he can’t even empathize with me when I was going through hell the other day. Self-centered prick.

6. I’m tired. Need sleep.

7. Age 27. I used to think I’d be happily married at this time. But I’m also glad that I’m not. And yeah, I celebrated turning another year older last 17th of October.

8. Beach. Boracay. Galera. Nasugbu. Subic. I don’t care. I just want to be in the beach right now.

9. I want to read The Order of Phoenix, Harry Potter’s 5th book.

10. Taking life seriously shouldn’t exactly be part of my survival kit.

11. I would choose my pride and dignity over even the most sacred of friendships. Very true when I know I have reached my limit for giving so much – much more than I normally offer.

12. Unconditional love is not true for me. I’m just not capable of it.

13. Blessed to be stressed. Blessed to be stressed. Blessed to be stressed.

14. I love my team. Lucky to have very efficient, smart and hardworking members.

How Miss Saigon felt

As soon as I finished breakfast, I propped myself on the rocking chair and read the Inquirer.

Before I left Manila, things were pretty much quiet in the Middle East, as read on the papers and seen on TV. I was surprised to read in the headlines today that 9 US soldiers were killed in one of the bloodiest encounters in Iraq. A Japanese tourist was beheaded since the Japanese Prime Minister refused to pull their troops out from Iraq.

In Afghanistan, 3 tourists were hostaged. The terrorists were threatening to behead them if UN and foreign troops do not pull out of Kabul since the Afghan elections is drawing near.

Whenever there is news about the war in Muslim countries where our OFWs or US troops are deployed, I would feel for their families. I would feel strongly about the issue of terrorism in general as a global concern.

But this morning, when I read the papers, the hair in my arms and nape raised, my heart beat faster and there was a sick feeling in my gut. Tears were welling up my eyes as I tried to hold them back so my friends won’t see and make a big fuss out of it.

Yes, I already have a very personal stake in the Gulf.

The Buddy is in the US Army. Thus, the two years absence to be deployed in one of the treacherous and US Army-unfriendly countries in the Middle East.

He used to joke about him going home boxed in a coffin. He used to tease me by asking if I will cry in his wake.

I used to laugh along with him. But now, I didn’t find the jokes funny at all.

They hurt.

This is the last – and the worst – situation I want to be in. But I am.

I texted one of our common friends and told her the panic that I felt. She texted me back and said, “You really love him.”

I probably do. But right now, that doesn’t matter. I’m just waiting for him to come home - alive and in one piece.

It’s about time!

I was too dazed and confused (how cliché-ish can I be!?!?) to write about anything. Add to that the monstrous to-dos and paperwork piled up on my desk.

Yeah, yeah. Excuses, excuses. Two weeks of not blogging. At least it’s not a month!


He came, he saw and he conquered

So what’s the hoolabaloo in that emotional blah – manic-depressive, to say the least – as reflected in the most recent entries?

Hello? Ano pa ba? What’s news and what friggin’ gives?

The Buddy.

Drum roll, please.

Finally!

He arrived.

The usual routine: He called me an hour after his plane touched down in Manila to inform me he’s back. Of course it was a consensus: We have to see each other.

It was my first day in Nasugbu, Batangas when I got his call. I was regretting that I joined the junket going there rather than bringing my car. I wanted to head back to Manila as soon as my talk in the conference was over so I can see him.

We saw each other the following week.

The lowdown?

Some friends thought I’d be goo-goo eyed and lovestruck. I thought so myself. But when I saw him – it was a warm, flushed, comforting feeling. I was just so glad to see him. I hugged him the moment I sat down on the passenger seat of his car. It just felt so good to see him again. It was just like I saw him days ago.

There was confirmation about everything. No more “dudes” or “pares.” There was something between us. Whatever “spark” our friends and other people saw when we’re together – it’s just there. It only needed acknowledgment.

But this time – there wasn’t anyone around. We’re alone. No officemates. No former CEO. No teasing or cajoling. No “Uuuy, yiheeee. Bagay kayo.”

This time, it’s US who will check things out. It’s us who will know.

It’s there. It’s been there the whole time.

So what now? What’s going to happen after the confirmation?

Eh, di wala.

Like what I expected, it was just something that we both needed to know and confirm. Yes, there is attraction between us but with both our feet on the ground, we both know this isn’t going anywhere.

He will be gone for two years. He wants me to fly to where he is. Pero hindi naman ako tanga na maglulustay ng tatlong libong dolyares para sa isang bagay na malabo.

We both want a sequel. But there is nothing on the table. Nothing was offered because we both know we can’t and we’re both not sure. The circumstance didn’t give us a chance to actually find out. It only allowed us to know and acknowledge how we feel.

Baduy na ending? Bitin?

Perhaps for some who wanted a happy ending for me and him (because either they’re my friends or our common friends) and for those who wanted me to have a tragic one with an in-my-face reality check that I was just dreaming the whole time (these are prob’ly those who had grudges and who wanted me to fall flat on my face.). Bitin nga.

Admittedly, bitin for me. But who said life is fair and I can have everything I want?

Nevertheless, I found the more important bottomline.

Despite the 2-week roller-coaster ride with matching honeymoon period, fights, disappointments, frustrations, crying bouts, redemption and making up (yes, all in two-weeks time!), I am now more than ever, certain:

I love The Buddy. I am not goo-goo sappy in love with him. I love him as a person. As a best friend. As someone who will always be a part of me. In a convoluted way, he is a romantic desire, an alter ago, a brother, a best friend all rolled into one.

There’s no happy ending, since nothing has ended yet.

But it’s happy.

True test of faith and friendship

Kung nais mong maibalik ang pagtitiwala at dating samahan, muli kang umakyat mula sa ibaba hanggang sa tugatog ng talaan ng pakikipagkaibigan. Kung may nais kang patunayan, muli kang lalakad sa mga basag ng salamin, tulad ng nabasag na tiwala at pagmamahal.

Patunayan mong nararapat ka na muling ituring na isa sa pinakamatalik at pinakapinagkakatiwalaan; isa sa mga pinakamamahal at pinagpipitagan.

Minsan lang ibigay ang pagkakataon. Ngunit ang pagkakataon ay walang ipinangangakong pagbabalik ng nakalipas. Kapatawaran lamang at hindi paglimot ang nakalaan.

Hindi sapat ang paumanhin. Dahil puso at kaluluwa ang sa iyo ay inilaan sa ngalan ng pakikipagkaibigan.

Escapist

I just want to sleep. Or drink as much red wine as I can.

I just want to get it over and done with.

I know it's not a healthy disposition. I have so much to be grateful for. The Powers-That-Be gave me so many blessings.

But right now, the hurt is just so unbearable I just want to sleep it off so I can wake up next Monday.

Then it's a brand new day.

Answered what-ifs

When things have been confirmed, what next?

Now that my questions have been answered, it actually lead to more questions.

Sometimes when I feel angsty and frustrated that I cannot do anything about things and I cannot control the circumstances, I would wish that I never knew or never felt it.

Or that I should have never seen him again.

But I know as well that I'm lying.

Despite the sadness that it brought me - with the acceptance that feelings can never be enough to risk, to continue, or to constantly have the person with you - I feel relieved that I now know.

And grateful that I had the chance to find out.

Grateful, that though I never told him, I made him feel what is.

Sick

'Been sick for two days now. Straight from Chateau Royale, Nasugbu for a speaking engagement, I've been down with stomach trouble and fever. The doctor's verdict: shellfish poisoning.

I ate oysters and mussels at Josephine's in Tagaytay. I only had some and didn't realize that my stomach is this sensitive. So that's a lesson for me - no shellfish. EVER.

Seek

This is a quiet weekend. I am home. I only go out of the apartment to check on my car. The Boyfriend is out of town and won't be back until tomorrow.

During these moments, I find myself searching for answers.

Barely two weeks from now, I am again turning a year older.

27.

When I was in college, I saw the age of 27 as the right time and age for me to get married.

So where am I going now?

A major part of me knows I am nowhere near ready.

But the question is - why? What's keeping me from taking the plunge?

I have found the perfect husband-material. Good boyfriend, good friend. A would-be good husband and father of our future child.

While all my high school and college female classmates are putting pressure on their boyfriends to marry them, here I am - trying to evade it and actually plotting out all forms of machinations to delay it.

Until now, I am seeking for the answers.

But maybe - just maybe - it's already time. At the very least, it's high time to seriously think about it - and consider.

Playing dirty

After training in the gym, The Bad Boy and I went to Ice Bar for a few rounds. Over his usual Jack Daniel's and my not-so-usual dry martini, we were discussing an issue that we always end up waxing philosophical about: playing.

Again, we were dissecting the whys and the hows of playing and being monogamous. I was trying to understand it from the men's point of view and being a self-confessed player himself, there was no one else that would be more credible to talk about it but him.

His take on the matter was really very insightful. I was actually enlightened by our conversation! Up until this morning, I can't help but go back to the things we talked about and I finally came to the conclusion that he is right about a lot of things.

Distilling his opinions and mine, I came up with the conclusion that women know how players are. They know the game. But women's judgment are muddled by the emotions they attach to the player and to the relationship, hoping that the rules of the game may change or they might be an exception to the rule. But the rules don't change. And when you're in the game, there aren't really any exceptions.


Befriending the enemy

Speaking of The Bad Boy:

I have cultivated - unintentionally - a strong bond and friendship with him. Others may see him as an obnoxious skirt-chaser. A proverbial playboy. But I saw a person with substance. Someone who has enough decency to admit who he is and yet sees the potential of who he wants to be.

As scheming as he could be with current prospects, I'm glad that he values our friendship and treats me with utmost respect. I was very impressed - and deeply moved - that he saw the friendship as something for the long haul, to not be tainted by temporal carnal desires and senseless flirting.

Oh get real, we do flirt. But at the end of the day, we both know that talk is cheap. This friendship is for real.


Waiting in vain

Have I been waiting in vain? After all this time of incessantly thinking about our possibilities, is this all going to waste after all?

When the ship has sailed

Okay, more sober now.

And yes, now that both my feet have landed back on the ground, I had a few notable realizations that I just have to write down. Some were from friends’ and loved-ones current goings-on, others my own. It would be best and safest not to divulge which ones are mine and which aren’t.
Not in any particular order of importance:

1. How I define sinful indulgences: They can be likened to eating chocolate when you’re on a diet. You crave for it, and then decide to give in and eat the chocolate and feel terribly guilty after.

2. That when you get away with a transgression, you don’t get away with it and from it after all. Because YOU know. And because you can never run away from yourself.

3. That there is courage in the admission of weakness. And the best way to not succumb to your weakness is to start admitting that you have it.

4. That you may want to veer away from something that you know will not be good for you but not do anything about it because the flesh is weak.

5. That there will be a lot of first attempts in staying away from something bad but fail to do so. But you pick the pieces up and try again. The next attempt may be the one that will let you get out of the vicious cycle.

6. That you may comfort a friend that you feel has done one of the biggest mistakes in her life, not agree with her decisions, but still be there for her –not condoning what she does – but still be a good friend and understand.

7. That ideal relationships may fall apart, that something you believe was institutional may crumble to the ground. Everything changes, but you should never stop believing. Never stop having faith.

Keeping the faith while keeping it real

At a time when something I strongly believed in, someone I looked up to turn out to be the actual opposite, it feels like heaven and earth both crumbled down and crushed me. And I am buried in the rubble. I tend to question ideologies, principles, faith. At a time when I feel like losing hope, I hang on to friendship. I hang on to trust.

Right now that I am, again, losing hope, I badly, awfully wish The Buddy is here to knock some sense into me and help me find meaning to everything that is happening. I am banking on – nay, holding on – to what we have.

Friendship. Trust. Truth. Faith. The things that matter the most to me at this moment. Everything that makes me keep on believing.

Post-Singapore notes

I just got back from Singapore. And I am a bit wasted while writing this so if there are any grammatical screw-ups, that’s alcohol talking.

I LOVED this trip! It’s not the first time but it’s more memorable. I stayed there for five days, didn’t go around much within the city but I had a lot of fun.

I will be posting a more detailed blog about the Singapore trip and the rave I received from other countries and markets about my presentation – when I am more sober. Hehehe.

As a teaser, I had a VERY nerve-wracking, mind-blasting, albeit dangerous trip-ender. It was a lot of FUN and a lot of risk! But that’s what life is about. Sinful, but all so worth it!

Bar, bar, bar

Three of my closest friends are taking the bar this whole month of September. Dearies, I wish all of you luck – Maitz, Thea and Len. Len, sorry for the late greetings, but let me give you an advance congratulatory note. Cheers to my soon-to-be lawyer-friend. You have to be one – it’s destiny. And I’m banking on you passing the bar to bail me out of future skirmishes with the law (though I don’t exactly wish to have any!).

Ala-MTRCB

When I write in this blog, I protect some of the people I write about by not posting names. Thus, the monickers I have baptized some of the people who I know would figure in the blog a lot – The Boyfriend, The Buddy, The Bestfriend, The Archer (there’s more to him later, again, when I get more sober.). I didn’t realize though that it would land some people I really care about in trouble and in some issues.

Thus, some clarifications:

I am sincerely sorry if I got someone into a bit of trouble about something I wrote here previously. I did not implicate people here to be incriminated. This is not about them. This is ABOUT ME. And MY life. How I think. And feel.

BUT: I will not apologize about writing. This blog contains pure thoughts, feelings – whatever I think and feel.

But I also feel sorry for some who would take advantage of the write-ups to satisfy whatever it is they would want to achieve on their end.

Thus, I will continue to write about whatever I feel like writing. I will protect who needs protecting, but I hope others will not use these for their personal gain.

Bato-bato sa langit, ang tamaan, tinamaan. No apologies for it.

Chasing liberty

The scariest things are usually the most worthwhile.

Observer's notebook: how Pinoys deal with business clients

I've been dealing with clients, vendors, distributors and advertising executives for almost a year now. When I start and end business calls, I would usually extend my hand for a formal handshake before and after the meeting - especially if it's the first encounter.

What's weird is that most of them, after the meeting and during follow-up client calls, would extend their cheek or pull you closer to them, indicating that you end the conversation, the coffee or dinner meeting with a peck on the cheek. "Beso," is the more familiar term for it.

It's such a Pinoy thing. We "beso" everyone. Even the people we don't really know but we think we've met somewhere before.

I would always "beso" friends when I see them in parties, bump into them in malls or cinemas, or when saying goodbye after hanging out. But "beso-ing" a client or an advertising exec after signing a contract to seal the deal is a different story.

I don't know. Am I just being uptight about it? I still prefer the handshake. Clients are clients. You meet them formally, under the premise of a professional meeting. You may become friends with them eventually, but you still met them because of something work or business-related.

I just find it weird. Until now, it still feels a bit awkward when a client or business partner pulls me closer for a "beso."