When hard drives and people crash

In one of the Sunday masses, I asked God to give me patience. I have long acknowledged that if I would write down all my virtues, that wouldn't be anywhere in the list.

Like what they warned me before, be careful what you wish for (in this case, what I prayed for). Might just be given to you.

Seems like the forces of nature are compelling me not to break Mongol no. 2 pencils like Mica, or throw my expensive cat figurines to the wall [Just an aside, the sound of the crashing of porcelain and glass has a therapeutic effect on me when I get angry.].

Last week, right in the middle of doing my first paper for one of my subjects, my hard drive crashed. Goodbye, paper! Good thing I was able to get screwdrivers and The Boyfriend got stuck in the house so I had a handy computer repairman with me.

This week, I had an encounter with a friend who also crashes into a state of anxiety and depression every now and then. He would always be in this state of mind and emotion - always in and out of it. A vicious cycle for him - and for all of his friends.

It's tiring me when I see him. I feel like all my energy is sucked out of my marrow. There seems to be like a heavy metal pounding on my heart and my lungs. Everything feels so heavy. Even my spirit.

Right now I want to stay away. It's the best thing for me to do.

Nope, I'm not leaving him. The bottomline is, he will always be a friend that I will keep. But right now, I need to space out. Recharge.

Before I myself crash.

TGIF!!!!!!!!!!

I know it's not grammatically sound to have a lot of exclamation points, as they do not add value to the point of having a lot of them at the end of the sentence. But what the friggin' heck! It's Friday! I can go out tonight and have fun with The Boyfriend. And go shopping, too!

Speaking of shopping, here's my current wishlist:

1. Handspring's new Visor Treo 270 - a mobile phone and PDA in one. Need I say more?

2. Nomad II Mg mp3 player. Yeah, yeah, I know I have a player already, but I can't help but love this one. It's such an eye candy!

3. 32 mb Smart Multi Media Card. I need this expansion for my mp3 player.

4. Rechargeable batteries - all kinds!

5. A universal battery charger.

6. A body glove protective case for my mp3 player.

7. A new Nike gym shoes. I don't know what kind yet.

8. A new diamond ring.

9. A new pair of brown curduroy pants.

10. A new Burberry bag.

Sigh. Lagot ang credit card.

Shout-outs

I haven't been blogging lately. I got addicted to this teeny-weeny MP3 player that I got from the CEO. Mucho thanks, boss!

Oh, it's not for free, though. I'm buying it from him for a hundred $s.

So there - what I've been doing for the past few days was ripping CDs, downloading mp3 files, til my hard disk at home crashed. Tee-hee-hee.

I have nothing sensible to write.

So let me just post some few announcements and thoughts about some blogs that I read recently.

Paging Emuriel. If you happen to get tired of your unemployment bliss already, do give me a call in the office or send me an email. One of our app dev people resigned so we're looking for a replacement. No shiftings, dear. It's a 9-5 job.

Jovan, if Emuriel gets in touch with you, please relay the message.

Oh by the way - the Okray shades you featured on your site, looked like Abu Sabaya's. Ee-hee-hee.

Ey, Micagurl, I loved the idea of breaking Mongol pencils to vent out anger, huh? At least, Mongol no. 2's are cheap so I can break as many as I like! I'd be breaking 3-5 boxes on the average per week!

When I'm angry, I just throw things. Like the figurines in my bedroom. But I stopped because the cat figurines in my bedroom right now are favorites. A couple of them were even flown from Japan.

Get well soon, Peachipay!

Today is Daria day

It's not one of those days. It's Daria day. Yes, Daria. As in that MTV character whose signature statement is "I don't have low self-esteem. I have low esteem of other people."

I dragged myself out of bed. I didn't wanna go to work. I have low - no - zero patience for stupid people today. And if The Boyfriend sees this blogger entry, I bet you my month's worth of salary I would get the flak from him. He loves people so much I'm already imagining him say, "How could you say such a thing? You're in no position to say who's stupid or not!"

Well, says who?

So I'm very quiet today in my cubicle. I'm staying away from people and begging people to stay away from me. Lest they wanna get it from me on a Monday.

Yes. This entry is very angsty.

Because I am.

Bye-bye, crushie!

I went to the office with Garfield puffy eyes today - a consequence of an argument with The Boyfriend last night after watching Minority Report. By the way, the movie was GREAT!

Today is a sad day. I should be rejoicing because it's a Friday. But it's also the last day of A here in the office. He resigned two weeks ago. Found out during the Big Boss' birthday bash in his condo.

We're giving A some sort of slumbook, a send-off gift. Well, it's actually not a slumbook. It's more of a compilation of our wishes for him. I wasn't happy signing it.

The send-off party will be at past 5. For the first time, I feel sad about a resignation.

Minus 1 hunkababe in the office.

I will miss his Rav 4 in the parking lot.

I will miss that appdev guy wearing that blue and white Polo Sports jacket.

I will miss my PDA partner during meetings with Smart. PDA as in that palm thing, not public display of affection, dummy! I wish!

Most of all, he will be missed because the office is not complete without him.

Like what Olive said this morning, it's sad to lose teammates to the world.

With a heavy heart, cheers to you, A! And see you around.

A great word I unearthed while reading Candace Bushnell's Sex and the City:

Abso-fucking-lutely!

Uttered by the tobacco-smoking character of Mr. Big.

The vain don't complain

This is the fifth day that I look like a dalmatian, what with all the spots on my face and neck - the remnants of the coterize session I had with my derma last Saturday. And I had to shell out almost 13kiao for that!

What - 13 kiao to look like a dalmatian?

Yep - I'm not kidding. And I have to go to work with this face everyday.

Such trade-offs of my most favorite capital sin - vanity.

The juggling act of working, attending grad school, keeping my friends and The Boyfriend, going to the gym and spending time with my family is already taking its toll on me.

I am drained.

Every single day.

I am tired.

Oh, well. Life's a bitch.

And so am I.

TGIF!

Sure glad it's Friday. I'm tired. Need to rest. I'm drained. I need my bed. And my sweet-smelling pillows.

I'm so lazy at work right now. I had a lot of stop-gaps and dilly-dallying. Yep. Lost in space.

Watched Scooby-Doo and The Sum of All Fears - two days in a row.

Matthew Lillard rocked as Shaggy in Scooby.

Ben Affleck for the Sum of All Fears, on the other hand, should thank God that he was made handsome. There is no iota of Thespianism flowing in his veins.

I'll be hitting the gym in a while. I don't even have enough energy left to write.

That's what Xs' are for

My X from California has been calling me recently. I heard she's in-between relationships right now.
And yes, I wrote that one right. It's a she.

You have a problem with that?

Anyways, before any bloodshed, here's a brief backgrounder. Although we had a bad falling out, we decided that the world is too small to have a lot of enemies. We patched things up and became really good friends eversince. Long distance man o hindi.

During holidays and any events in our lives, we call each other up. Although she calls me more often. Hehehe. Daymn! The overseas call charges are way, way up there, man!

Anyways, I asked her a small favor of scouting the L.A. market for a good MP3 player. Minimum requirement is it has at least 64 mb in it, expandable and with equalizers.

She said she has one and will just send the thing to me since she's not using it anymore. She offered it twice.

Well, I didn't ask for her to do that. But I'm taking it, anyway.

I'm crossing my fingers she's really sending it here.

User-friendly.

Not!

Heck, that's what Xs' are for.

Sabi ko na nga ba.

I am still a closet nerd.

Tinatamad akong magtrabaho.
Dahil gusto kong umupo sa isang tabi,
uminom ng kape,
magbasa,
mag-highlight ng notes,
sumulat sa notebook,
mag-aral.

After all these years,
nerd pa rin ako.

Parang naririnig ko na ang hirit
ng mga AS friends ko.

"Abril, if you don't have a boyfriend,
and if you don't have a life, we'll
think you're a freak."

"How come you get those grades when
we cut the same classes, watch the same
movies and hang out at about the same
time at the AS steps?"

Di nila alam,
kapag di ko sila kasama,
nerd ako.
Nakaupo sa isang sulok.
Nagbabasa.
Nag-aaral.

Hahahaha!

Shit.

I am indeed a closet nerd.

Same time last year

Sometimes, there are things that you tell yourself you're already over and done with. But when something reminds you of the past, it still fucking hurts!

With the same day last year, I was already preparing for my minor operation for the removal of my cyst. And around the same time last year, my X was already fucking someone else behind my back. I know long distance relationships rarely succeed, but heck - what ever happened to honesty? The least my stupid X could have done is tell me the real score. I could have let things go.

On a positive note, the break-up gave me a new and better life. I realized things are better without an imaginary partner that is located halfway across the globe. What my ABSi friend told me is true - out of sight, out of mind. Nothing can replace the comfort of an embrace, the bliss a soft kiss can make you feel.

I think things are better for me now. Thank God! The sweetest revenge is for you not to think of avenging yourself at all and living a happy and contented life.

Tribute to a loyal friend

Good night, Mojari.
You were a faithful friend.

I'm thinking of you today.
I thought of you as I awoke.
I thought of you as I drank my coffee.
I thought of you in the shower.
I'm still thinking of you now.

I hope you're in a better place
Where everything is fair
And people can you treat you well.
At least much better than some of us did.

Good night, Mojari.
Sleep tight.

"There is no such thing as a homogenized culture. Homogeneity and culture shouldn't be in the same sentence, in the first place."- says me

Globalization blooper:
Nike shot a television spot for hiking boots in Kenya using Samburu tribesmen. As one of the men speaks in his native Maa, the slogan "Just Do it'' comes up as a subtitle on screen. According to Lee Cronk, a University of Cincinnati anthropologist, the translation is less than exact. It seems that the tribesman is really saying ``I don't want these. Give me big shoes.'' Nike spokesperson Elizabeth Dolan admitted to Forbes magazine that the literal translation came as an unpleasant surprise. "We thought nobody in America would know what he said.''
- Media Awareness Network

No issues about vanity and shopping today. Much as I would like to brag about the cool eye candies I just bought, I'd like to write about a very passe' issue. Passe', but important to me, nonetheless. Well, guess what? This mababaw and vain bitch will talk about globalization. Oh, fuck. It's true.

Business people will argue this way: Complete elimination of all trade barriers in the world would add $1.9 trillion (about 5%) to the world’s gross economic product by 2005.

To cut the crap, businessmen (capitalists, more likely) claim that trade liberalization will rapidly yield big economic gains around the world. It is better to focus on a country's competency in terms of trade and industry to improve its productivity and economic growth.

I may know zilch about business, hell, I have to sit down for hours to fix my expenses and financial figures. But I do know this much: no matter how much they harp on the benefits of globalization, the fact remains that most of its proponents ignore the following facts:

- The cost of trade liberalization is steep: unsustainable trade imbalances, short-term capital inflows, growing income inequality, and increasing downward pressures on wages.

- Gone, too, is the consideration for environmental sustainability.

- Globalization more often that not, ignores a lot of humanitarian factors. Episodes of economic crises left people unemployed and poor. Inequality and wage erosion is propagated. Families and communities that have lost their livelihood are left with almost zero option since workers are unable to shift locations or occupations rapidly. The adjustment cost is simply too high.

I am not a hardliner with regards to this globalization issue, but I refuse to believe that globalization is the only way to go. It overrides the fact that there are human beings involved. Not just economics, business and money.

What the hell happened to sustainable development? I say, we have to be careful. Let's just bite what we can chew.

And yes, honey. I did my research.

For more resources on globalization, visit this non-partisan org.

The best things in life are free...not!

Although I refuse to believe that money makes the world go round, sometimes this maxim, no matter how utilitarian or superficial it is, holds true in a lot of instances.

For one thing, in order to afford the best schools, you would need to shell out a hell lot of money. Well, of course if you''ve got the brains, you can always go to UP. Ahem! However, if you want to go to AIM or get that US-based course, you would, at the very least, need a minimum of ten thousand dollars as education bond. What's up with that?

My friends and I have been going bonkers on how to budget our salaries to afford going to school, to the gym, pay off our credit card debts, spend for our monthly cost of living, yada-yada-yada.

Although most of us (including me), would argue that we need higher pay, I'm also inclined to believe that it's not how much we earn, but how much discipline we've got to save at least 10% of our monthly salaries and stash in our piggy banks. Heck, some people only get 8 kiao a month but they've got a fatter savings account than I do.

Now I'd have to find that discipline to save some of my income and avoid shopping for stuff that always end up at the bottom of my closet.

Hmm.. perhaps I misplaced discipline somewhere in the stash of my shoes and bags.

Shout out:

Ooops!

I almost forgot.

Happy 28th birthday to The Boyfriend, from your one and only Bitchina.

I hope you liked the present, even though the first one broke before I even got the chance to give it.

I love you.

Okay. Sheesh. Enough of the mush. I bet my friends are already cringing.

Oh well.

Mamatay kayo sa ingget! Hahaha!

It's a Monday

Noo-nee-noo-nee-noo.

I'm still on vacation cum shopping mode. I have gazillions of stuff to do, but let me dilly-dally for several minutes or so to update this thing.

Account of my weekend
Friday night, I went to the famous Terry Selection to buy the red wine I need to bring to ABSi for Mark's despedida. The place was flowing with booze. Since I don't drink beer, I gobbled up the white wine Jovan was serving in the office bar. O ha! San ka nakakita ng white wine na sini-serve sa shot glass!

And since the wine was being poured on those puny glasses, I think I had more than enough. When it was time to finally go to The Boyfriend's apartment, my sobriety was already nowhere with me. So while Jovan, Donna and what's-his-name was making chica inside Chai (Jovan's car with this really distinct odor I can still smell despite the fact that I was more than tipsy), I was already dead silent beside Jovan. No particular reason. Whenever I have more than enough booze, I always fall dead silent.

So there they were, still ranting about this obnoxious Finance personnel (I could still hear them), with matching Jovan complaining that my boyfriend's apartment is too far. And I was staring right in front of me, enjoying the dancing street and traffic lights. Hehehe.

One moral lesson of the story: If you want me to shut up, let me drink up. Hahahaha.

So come Saturday, I was still in The Boyfriend's apartment. Dozing off. In fact, I dozed off the whole day. Got up at 5pm, with my gimmick clothes still on. I didn't even bother to change into one of The Boyfriend's comfy shirts . All I wanted to do was sleep. There goes the Lucena trip I planned with him. So off he went to Lucena. And off I went to sleep.

Sunday was different. Sunday, bloody Sunday. Bloody for my wallet and credit card, that is, as I rummaged to all the Greenbelt boutiques for clothes. And more clothes. These midnight madness and weekend sales really have this hypnotic cum therapeutic effect on stressed Makati folks like me.

And then there goes Monday. Noo-nee-noo-nee-noo. With all the work piled up on my desk, I bet I need another good doze of a shopping spree by the end of the week. :-P

I made it.

I am admitted to UPOU's MS Devcom program.

Woohoo!

It's raining outside.
Masarap matulog.
But I'm stuck here in the office.
Conducting interviews.
Deliberating with TMs whether or not to suspend an offender who broke the rules.

Mahirap maging kaibigan
and maging katrabaho at the same time.

"If things aren't going your way and it feels like your whole world is falling apart, daanin ang lahat sa ganda!"