What a birthday can do

I have been on this face of the planet for 25 years now.

To all those who remembered, thanks so much! I know some people are terrible at remembering birthdays and anniversaries, but I believe that true friends do not forget them.

At exactly 12am, I was in Starbucks with The Boyfriend studying for my finals. Arg!

At 7am, I was woken up by my mobile phone. Jersey girl called to greet me a happy birthday! I couldn't believe what I was hearing early this morning. But no, I wasn't dreaming. It was really her.

I wanted to scream at her but all the anger just melted away. Heck. It's my birthday. I want to start things right.

Thank you, God for the blessings. I've had so much this year. :-)

Ghost of my past [part two]

I have been in a stable and very committed relationship for more than a year already. Before The Boyfriend, I was also quite monogamous with my relationship with the Jersey girl.

This afternoon, Jersey girl's best friend asked me out to dinner. Seems like she's having relationship problems, thus, her need to seek my advice. Like I'm such a pro! Hell! I can't even resolve my own relationship problems.

But I am digressing.

In the middle of our conversation, she told me she needed my opinion because her recent flame is a bad girl like me. Bad what?

I wasn't able to contain myself and told her how come I'm branded the bad girl when her bestfriend was the one who cheated on me?

I just can't get it!

In one of my recent phone conversations with Ian and Ryan, the bad girl issue also inevitably came up. Like I would never be the one to grow old by myself, that I used to be such a player and I can still be if I choose to...

What's up all these?

I therefore conclude that no matter how hard you try to clean up your act, bad reputations will always persist and can even precede whatever things you do at present.

As for this bad girl label, I think I never was. It was just a case of wrong people, wrong timing and high expectations. A matter of crashing and burning.

And crash and burn, I did.

If that's what being a bad girl is, then call me one.

Asar-talo

Asar-talo is when you're pissed off at someone and the person is not even affected by it. Solution: the art of DEADMA. Besides, if the person is such a pain in the ass, logic would tell you he/she doesn't deserve to be given your time of day. Tama ba, M&M?

Ateneo, at last!

I was with V last Saturday, looking for apartments and condo units when Ateneo friends flooded me with text messages saying that Ateneo won - and is now the new
UAAP champion. Cheers, ADMU! Sa wakas nanalo. One big fight - til the next UAAP.


Of long-time friends and separate lives

During Marc's birthday celeb, only a few of the guys went to the party. I myself didn't make it since I was out of town with The Boyfriend that time.

Ryan said they've been ranting that finally, we are growing up. Or, the better way to say it, we have outgrown our regular parties and hanging out. Is this something good? I know at some point we need to outgrow partying - but these get-togethers help us touch-base with each other.

I took this Sex and the City test and see who I am likened to:



But I still believe a great woman is the combination of the four SATC characters.

Unsettling the settled

A flirt buddy.

An ex calling me for a dinner.

The most recent ex from Jersey wanting to get back together.

Had all these happened 1 or 2 years ago, I would have made a major fuss.

I would have to admit though, that the flirt buddy was ONE HELL OF A TEMPTATION.

And yes, I felt stressed when I got the feelers from Jersey girl that she wants to get back together with me. But when I tried hard to search my feelings, it wasn't really love that stressed me out. It was the fact that I was rejoicing her karma. It was like I saw this one coming.

Oh well - the best revenge is not to think about it at all and just live a good and happy life.

It's nice to be cozy, grounded and settled with someone.

The last mile

Sometimes, we get too involved with people. The empathy becomes so grave that the identification with another person becomes too much to handle.

I realized this week that no matter how hard we try to help others, we can only do so much. What is crucial is their decision to help themselves.

It is like throwing a lifevest to a drowning person. It's still her call to grab it or do nothing and end up drowning.

As for me, I can only be messianic up to a certain point.

It's good that I know that now.

Rendezvous with friends

Last night, I had dinner with 2 girlfriends. One of them is a veteran in relationships like me. The other one, who called for the dinner, is a late bloomer.

Con invited us to dinner to "consult" about how to deal with a make-out buddy who she is in love with.

We talked about a lot of things, tried to keep tabs on what's happening in our lives.

I missed both of them.

Celia is happy with her partner of one year. They are both surrogate parents to a lot of felines.

With 2 relationship old-timers and 1 newbie, there were a lot of questions we tried to fathom:

When is being close too close?

Is it true that proximity between friends result to something beyond friendship?

Why is it that when you are already within your comfort zone and you are sold with your paradigms, something/someone comes along to rock your world and make you question what you already have?

Is it okay to flirt with someone when you are in a committed relationship as long as you don't sleep with them?

Is there such a thing as forever?

As to the dilemma on forever or eternity, both Celia and I have issues about it. I have long been questioning its existence, but somehow, at the back of my head and the innermost part of me wish that it does exist.

Morning conversation with Jovan:

Me: You have to know that it takes a big VAVAVOOM for a long term relationship to be thrown in the basket and be replaced with a new one. Women have this bad habit of clinging into relationships no matter how bad they are.
Jovan: Tsk tsk. Poor mindless fools.

Are we really mindless fools? No matter how much we rave about women empowerment, why does it take so long for us to dump useless and imbecile boyfriends?

While some women have this dilemma, I, on the other hand, am struggling to keep a worthy boyfriend with me, what with all the pressure and stress around us.

To each his/her own.

Dreamscape

I've been having these dreams lately. They're very surreal.

It's a montage of all the people I have been thinking about lately - consciously and subconsciously. I only remember bits and pieces, but what I do remember are the people who were in it.

I've been dreaming about him. How could that be? He is currently gallivanting in Italy. I dreamed that he was in his office table, writing, while I was sitting in front of him, curiously watching him.

In the dream, I still desire him. Perhaps a manifestation of suppressed passion?

Then there were Jonathan and Che. I was walking behind them while they were hugging each other. A sign that he is ready for the taking?

The Boyfriend was in it, too, but I couldn't see him clearly. I was trying to reach for him and call him.

I couldn't find him.

Is this another forewarning?

Lying Naked

by Trevor Landers
(08/21/02)

I imagine her, lying naked
with fulsome breasts
telling the truth
exposing
more than flesh
and kingdoms have been fought and lost
for the touch of skin

Ang labo mo

Umalis ka ba sa buhay ko
Para lang bumalik
At guluhin itong muli?

Lumisan ka nang may galit
Bakit ba gusto mo pa ako ulit makita?
Para ba makikamusta?

Akala ko ba galit ka?
Labo mo talaga.

Reminiscent of the past

It's as if I am revisiting emotions from the past. Just like the Paolo incident two years ago.

Do I want to go back? Or do I want to stay in my comfort zone?

I don't think I need the distraction.

Jovan has a twin brother

And so we all thought one is enough.

But no. He has an alter ego.

Morny looked like Jovan, only smaller.

They have the same voice timbre, same mannerisms, same expressions.

I wonder who feels shortchanged with this funny twist of fate.

Hahahaha!

Peace, Jovan.

When your trust is betrayed by a string of lies, how can you start over again?

What if trust and honesty for you are what can make or break a relationship?

If the trust is gone, is it downhill from there?

Ghost of my past

My past is still haunting and taunting me.

I dreamed of her last night. Her face wasn't clear. In fact it wasn't her face, but in the dream, I was certain it was her.
She was skinnier. She was wearing this white silk blouse.

The dream was a bit hazy, but I knew it was her with me. We are amidst people we knew in the dream but in reality, I had no inkling who they were.

I wanted to stay in the dream. I wanted to dwell on the haze, to dwell on her presence.

7:30am.

My mobile rang. It was The Boyfriend giving me a wake up call.

Time to go back to my real world.

I am a very lucky girl

I'm early to the office today. You can tell from the time I published this blog.

As I got off the cab, I walked through the glass doors of our building. I was wearing my shades so I
couldn't see the people from afar.

When I got closer to the elevator, I saw a familiar sight. I squinted. I wanted to make sure.

Yap. It's him alright.

He smiled.

I removed the Danube shades. I smiled back.

He introduced me to his officemate. The hell - I forgot the officemate's name.

What do I care, anyway.

He volunteered to bring my gym bag. I apologized and told him it's heavy.

As we went in the elevator, he stood next to me.

We talked about common friends, the weather, sales, etc.

His shoulder brushed through mine. He was way taller than me but he leaned back on the wall so
we were shoulder to shoulder. This way we were able to chat quietly, amidst seven or more people
inside the elevator.

He mouthed several compliments.

"You're so pretty today."

"Yeah, yeah."

"You think I'm pulling your leg?"

Thought bubble in my head: "Dang! Your'e from sales!"

He was whispering in my ear.

It was very clear that he was FLIRTING.

Dang! He's doing a hell of a job.

As I was about to reach my floor, he gave me my gym bag and wished me a nice day.

I did the same.

I'm a very claustrophobic person but this was one of the very few times that I wanted to get stuck in the elevator.

For bloggers or bloggistas, as some would call them, one clear indication that they're still alive is the frequency of their updates,
or when the last time they updated their blogs.

Peach, buhay ka pa ba? Isang buwan ka nang hindi nagpaparamdam.

Emuriel,

If you're reading my blog, check this out:

One of my friends is intrigued about you. I forwarded your blogger to her, asked her to read it
every now and then.

She likes "your kind" - those who are into techie and geeky stuff. She said you write well. She's
a writer. She wants to meet you.

Yi-heeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

There's a catch, though.

She's engaged.

Tsk.

Sayang.

Belated happy birthday, Bobby!

Looking forward to that dinner with you on Wednesday.

Wisdom acquired over the weekend:

Everything boils down to the people around you, the people who are important in your life.

Even at work, you finish a task not for the sake of the task itself. Things will have a clearer
perspective if seen with people in mind. You do the task with people.

Says Stephen Covey.