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Day 4

...and I am flustered!!!

Clocking in 12 hours everyday. 

But I'm happy-stressed. 

I made the right decision.

Jakarta, my Jakarta

Tonight is my last night as an expatriate here in Jakarta, Indonesia. I will naturally go back to see friends --- but as a tourist and no longer a resident. 

I'm happy that I spent my last night with two of my most favorite people here. Without them, Jakarta would have never been the same. Jakarta became a second home because they cared for me.

I'm excited --- and I'm soooo looking forward to my life in Manila. At the same time, I will leave a huge portion of my heart here. I will leave behind loved ones and people I really love and care about.

But just like what Ate said, "my love for you will never change, no matter where we are."

So long, Jakarta. 

See you in a couple of months! 

Peace and quiet...for a change

For almost a week now, I have been spending my mornings peacefully. I managed to negotiate a good 15 days of rest before I hit the ground running again back in Manila. 

This is all new to me. I have never been away from work this long --- ever. I always moved from one job to another, with no respite in between. Sugod lang ng sugod. 

I'm grateful that now, I can afford to have even just 2 weeks of break. 

*Happy* 

I feel very at peace and I enjoy the quiet mornings to myself. 

Ironically, I always end up opening my laptop and pounding on the keyboard --- to update my files, blog, my online accounts, etc. etc. You really can't take away work from a workaholic that easily.

A few more days and I'm leaving Jakarta. I will be back in a month's time for sure, though. 

:) 

All in God's time. 

For now, I shall continue to enjoy the solitude. 

*Bliss*   

Wish me happy

You broke my heart. Into a million pieces. 

So I hope you can find it in your heart to wish me well. 

I hope you can be happy that I want to be happy. 

After everything that has been said and done, this is the least that you can do for me. 

"Good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Thus, said Marilyn Monroe. 

To complete her quote:

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

So very true and couldn't have been said any better. 

Whilst to others, a broken engagement is a disaster - to me, it was God saving me from further disastrous events. 

Things may have fallen apart but to be honest, I am in a much better place right now. 

I have learned to be independent. Once again. Now, I am following my own dreams. My own plans. I have turned a new leaf and have embraced the possibility of being able to love again. 

I am embracing the change, because it is good for me. 

The month of June has always marked the season of change for me. I'm quite happy with everything that is happening. 

Some things are meant to be bitter-sweet. I look forward to the new life ahead of me back in Manila. At the same time, I am saddened because I will leave people I care about here in Jakarta. 

I hope things turn out well in the end. God knows what is truly in my heart, what my soul so richly desires. 

I allowed a good thing to fall apart --- because I want to bask in the greatness and happiness of what better thing will fall together from hereon.

This is it. 

I am moving on. Definitely, absolutely moving on. 

:)

The ever so familiar goodbye: of transitioning and packing my bags, yet again

Deja vu. I'm packing my stuff in the office and it is my official last day.

My thought bubble whilst I'm pounding my keyboard: been there, been that.  

Same time 2 years ago, I was leaving a great team behind and relocating to an uncharted territory (at least in my book). 

Fast forward to today --- I am in the same situation, only with different people. 

I'd like to think that I've been immune for moving quite so often. I've changed and searched for apartments 4 times already, packed my stuff and flew out - not once, but twice.

Perhaps others think it's the usual run-of-the-mill for me already, that I get used to the crying and the sad goodbyes. 

I wish I am.

You never get used to saying goodbye --- especially to people you have learned to care for and love. Cliche', but it's like adding insult to injury because you get to relive that sad moment all over again. 

Of goodbyes and moving on... I like doing the latter but I wish I can forego the first part. I do have trouble saying goodbye because it's hard to let go of people who made a dent. 

But then again --- there are really no permanent endings. The people who cried for me 2 years ago when I left- who also got it caught on video for my send-off party -  must be smacking themselves silly right now since I'm coming back to them. Harharhar. 

At any rate, it is definitely inescapable. I am moving on and transitioning all over again, in the hopes that I am fulfilling my destiny and my purpose. 

But to the team that I will leave behind: my heart goes out to them. I do hope that the future holds another opportunity for us to work together or spend time. 

I had fun and I had a great time. 

But for now... off to packing my bags.

Bucket list

The bucket list is resurrected. 

Honestly, it never died. It was just there. 

Only now, it is updated with better things to come. 

I am happy. =) 

Finally, I can say that I am.

Remembering

Tomorrow would have marked our 6th year anniversary. 

Perhaps if plans didn't change, I would be in the middle of discussions with our wedding planner on which florist to choose. I would have probably been e-mailing Veluz Reyes on the details of my wedding gown. 

No matter how much we plan our lives, though, things don't turn out the way we envisioned it. 

Whenever people find out about the broken engagement, they normally say sorry. But to be honest, this might have been one of the best things that happened this year. 

Because finally...we are letting each other go.

Whenever a door closes, God will open gazillions of windows and doors for new beginnings and new chances. 

In my heart, I believe that life will be nothing but better after this. 

People actually wonder why I am still friends with you after this. It's simple, really --- I don't want to bear any grudge because I have faith that God must have saved me from something disastrous. 

And six years ---- is still six years. 

YOU...

Will always be the love of my life. 

You will always be that person who got the best of me. I gave you my best. I gave you my everything. 

At least now, I can say that I have done that in this lifetime. 
 
After all that has been said and done, no regrets. 

May you find the love and life that you deserve. 
 

Clarity and answers

"Ask and it shall be given." 

Faith and hope. Trust that the Universe will conspire in your favor to achieve your heart's desires. 

It is amazing how God answers prayers --- in His own place and time. 

Thank you. 

I am overwhelmed. I have nothing but praise and thanksgiving in my heart.

Thank you for watching over me. For not forgetting me. 

I am ever-blessed. 

Thank you.

The Universe reminded me today, once again

"Life is too short. Look out for yourself. If someone continuously mistreats you, have enough respect for yourself to leave them. It may hurt for a while, but it’ll be OKAY. You will be OKAY. Oftentimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own worth..."

AMEN.

On a roll

It's Monday and I'm on a roll!!! 

Had a productive meeting with my CMO this morning. It was a very good discussion. 

I had a concall with S this lunchtime and from the vibe that I got, I think they loved me! 

This is what it feels like --- I am floating in the air! 

I feel so blessed. My heart is filled with awe and gratitude.

Thank You --- for not letting me down. Thank You for not abandoning me in uncertain times. You helped me with my Plan B (and C, and D) no matter how late I started. 

God, I owe you everything.

This is going to be a great week! 

*prancing around like crazy*

Oh well

"While you're ignoring her, another guy is giving her attention. While you're giving her problems, another guy is listening to those problems. While you're too busy for her, another guy is making time for her. While you're making her cry, another guy is trying to make her smile. While you're not sure if you still want her, another guy already figured it out."

From my sister.

Quiet weekend

Tired. This whole week was draining. 

New projects. With half my concentration.I honestly don't know how I managed to wing it.

At any rate, it's comforting to know that someone cares. 

In trying times like this, I appreciate the emotional presence. 

Now I'm looking forward to cocooning in the weekend. 

Relieved and looking forward to it. 

Passion, death and resurrection

"Passion makes a person stop eating, sleeping, working, feeling at peace. A lot of people are frightened because when it appears, it demolishes all the old things it finds in its path. No one wants their life thrown into chaos. This is why a lot of people keep that threat under control, and are somehow capable of sustaining a house or a structure that is already rotten. They are the engineers of the superseded. Other people think exactly the opposite; they surrender themselves without a second thought, hoping to find in passion the solutions to all their problems. They make the other person responsible for their happiness and blame them for their possible unhappiness. They are either euphoric because something marvelous has happened or depressed because something unexpected has ruined everything. Keeping passion at bay or surrendering blindly to it - which of these two attitudes is the least destructive? I don't know."

- Paulo Coelho

Weekend breather

All  my bags are packed, I'm ready to go... 

I need this weekend trip. 

I'm so glad I'm doing it. 

If there is such a thing as comfort food, this is comfort gallivanting. 

5 hours to flight. Game on!

I want 'ya, Mini Cooper! Wooot!

Spotted in Kuningan City: white hatchback Mini Cooper.

I love!

I should put you in me bucket list. =)

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T

was all that I was asking for. 

Even that, you failed to give. 

Funny --- and ironic at the same time --- how I was the one hurt in all of this, yet I am the one slow to anger.

I don't know where your fury is coming from. Ridiculous, how you feel you have the right to it.

Still no anger on my end. Perhaps you're expecting me to be, but I will not give you that.

My anger will be your absolution. 

All my love and my kindness to you. All because I know you need it. 

But amidst all this, I pray --- for my own peace. 

For my heart and my spirit to heal. 

All the love for you. 

Still.

Hope springs eternal

Today, I was reminded of the plenitude of options. 

In a state of inaction, I was blessed. 

True enough, when God closes a door, He opens a thousand and one windows. 

When I heal - completely - I know that I will see more clearly what is in store for me in the near future. 

It's a blessed day!

Thank you.

Reason and Season

To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
a time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to tend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

True enough. God will make everything beautiful in His time.  

I am only waiting for mine.