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I do think of you every now and then. 

I will always be fond of you --- in ways that I may not express and just keep to myself. 

The love I have for you will always be there. 

I'm saving it for another lifetime.

Of passion and service to humanity

I love what I'm doing. Unlike others who just work to work, I'm in the industry that I like. I love my domain of expertise. I love portals and user experience design. 

I spend loooong hours in the office figuring out the next strategy or the next innovation to adapt to my platform. 

It's one of the things that I love to do --- I just hope that while doing it, I'm doing some sort of service to mankind in my own little way. 

We're on a roll!

Oh yeah, we definitely are!

I've been in and out of meetings for the past 2 days. My usual lunch rendezvous with the girls were replaced by lunch meetings. The thing is, my system doesn't register it as lunch if it's in a meeting so I still feel hungry all the time! 

All is not lost, though.

2 approvals cutting across all the hierarchies. All in a day.

AYLAVET!!! 

I feel so accomplished this week. 

Thank you, Universe, for being so cooperative! 

A few more hours and I am hosting a dinner party for my girls tonight - whatta perfect way to end the frenzied week. 

I love my life. :) 

A relationship lesson

After a lot of heartaches and several unsuccessful relationships, I realized something today. 

Moral lesson of the story: 

Never again will I be in a relationship that does not put me in one of the top priorities. 

I undervalued myself. It hit me and oh, did it hit me hard. 

Why do power women tend to value themselves less? Yep - guilty as charged. 

I will never be second fiddle to anyone's career. After all, everyone builds their careers from ground up. But for what? Shouldn't personal relationships be the reason for that? 

I will never be in a relationship where I will not be introduced to parents and friends. 

I am a good person --- in heart and in mind. I deserve the star status in someone's life.

In fairness to me - in my own insy tinsy way - I made the world a better place. 

I will never allow anyone to make me feel otherwise.   

I will never be with someone who is not proud of me. 

Today, I just had one of the best epiphanies in my life. 

I am someone worth something. 

Never again will I underestimate myself and my worth in a personal relationship. 

I would rather be by myself than feel undervalued again. EVER. 

Universe, is this what all of this is about? 

It was a lesson learned very well.

Now, can you give me and my girlfriends that someone we all truly deserve?      

Looking back

You BBM'd me this evening to ask: "Muzta na?"

Muzta na? Who uses that??? Ang jologs! I couldn't help but laugh.

It's hilarious coming from you, though, with Tagalog not being your first language.

What made it funnier is that you didn't know that it was tacky. 

I caught myself sighing.

I do miss you every now and then. 

This made me miss us today. 

But I know I can't look back anymore. 

And I shouldn't. 

Oh well. 

And the day goes on.

Life goes on. 

Stoning moments

Just came from a 4-hour planning meeting with our business group. 'Would've loved this so much had it not been for the migraine that's been pestering me the whole afternoon. 

Work has been pretty fast and hectic. My 3 weeks back feel like it's been 3 years! 

Everything's been great though. The business group has got a great, dynamic and passionate leader. The passion is just burning in his eyes, I can't help but feel infected! 

I'm glad I made the move. 

My gut feel just really tells me - plain and simple - I made the right choice. 

*happy thought while spacing out after the mental gymnastics*

Coffee love: the deprivation that's driving me insane

Coffee is my fuel in the morning. It's both psychological and physiological, but I need my coffee to kickstart my morning. 

All of my team members back in Jakarta know that if anyone wants me to contribute a humongous proportion of my brains in the discussion, we gotta have the brew! 

I have been having gastric cramps and hyperacidity attacks for several days now, which merited a trip to the doctor. Lo and behold --- the treatment requires me to stay away from caffeine for 2 weeks. 

2 loooooooooong, aggrandizing weeks!

Hindi lang 'yan. The list goes on. I cannot drink coffee, tea - not even hot chocolate! I can't drink any soda (not really a loss) nor eat anything spicy or with tomatoes. Spell pizza and pasta - just my favorites and my staple food. 

2 weeks. 

The rest, I can stay off of them, but coffee --- is a different story. The deprivation makes me crave for sweet stuff - cakes and pastries, even the very faddish tea drinks. 

2 weeks. 

Oh well. I gotta do what I gotta do.  

Champagne life

And my champagne brunches have been replaced by Sunday worship, family lunch and family quality time.

From shopping galore to picking up Abby's playdate and watching over them while they swim in the pool. 

I am definitely blessed. 

Much as I miss my champagne brunches --- which I can still have, but on Saturdays --- my Jakarta routine has been replaced by spending time with my family. 

Not complaining. Definitely not complaining at all. 

Friday musings: Pagbabalik Manila

It's undeniable. 

I know I'm back in Manila, because: 

1. I'm in the office by 7am on a Friday because it's my coding day!!! Note to self: thou shall not get a new car with plate numbers that will code me on a Monday, Wednesday or Friday. 

2. Pinagpapawisan ako (I sweat). Indonesia is also a tropical country, but with the Philippines being nearer the equator, it is hotter and more humid here. Never did I sweat by walking in Jakarta. I only sweat when I work out in the gym. 

3. Naglalakad na ako (I walk). Armed with my ballet flats, I have to walk from my parking to my building. With the cobblestones and all, my Carrie Bradshaw shoes will not last for a month, regardless of how expensive they are. 

4. I drive. No more Pak Karman driving me around. In Jakarta, I just call and say, "Let's go, Pak" and voila, my driver will be there in 5-10 minutes. I don't mind driving. I love driving. Parking and getting the car washed and cleaned are the car duties that are not exactly my favorite. 

5. There is pork everywhere. At walang konsepto ng halal ang mga tao. Veggies with pork, munggo and lechon kawali on Fridays, chicken-pork adobo. Lahat na lang ng ulam, may pork! 

6. I can drink tap water. I got used to ordering bottled water in restaurants because in Indonesia, lest you want to be befallen of typhoid fever, you gotta order bottled water. In Manila, I can drink water without my tummy getting sick. Woohoo!

7. Spice is not a default. This, to me, is more of a disadvantage. I LOVE spicy food. 

8. Friends and family are within reach. Isang tawag lang, inuman na. Dinner with friends are not so difficult to schedule. Pati breakfast and lunch, fully booked. In fact, uso na naman ang double booking, which I don't really want to do. And I hope, I don't take this "abot-kamay lang ang people reality"  for granted.

9. Wine and alcohol are cheap. DIRT CHEAP. At nabibili sa suking tindahan o Shopwise. Claudia Vallformosa for P495 in Shopwise. Enough said. 

10.  There are sooooooooo many things to do. Sorry naman. Pero believer ako ng "It's more fun in the Philippines." 

The Philippines has a lot of quirks. Either you love it or you hate it. For someone like me who's been out and about everywhere, though, I find my heart leading me back home.

I love to travel, no doubt about it! But to me, kahit anong hirap, kahit anong calamity-stricken, there is definitely no place like home.

You betcha

Day 4

...and I am flustered!!!

Clocking in 12 hours everyday. 

But I'm happy-stressed. 

I made the right decision.

Jakarta, my Jakarta

Tonight is my last night as an expatriate here in Jakarta, Indonesia. I will naturally go back to see friends --- but as a tourist and no longer a resident. 

I'm happy that I spent my last night with two of my most favorite people here. Without them, Jakarta would have never been the same. Jakarta became a second home because they cared for me.

I'm excited --- and I'm soooo looking forward to my life in Manila. At the same time, I will leave a huge portion of my heart here. I will leave behind loved ones and people I really love and care about.

But just like what Ate said, "my love for you will never change, no matter where we are."

So long, Jakarta. 

See you in a couple of months! 

Peace and quiet...for a change

For almost a week now, I have been spending my mornings peacefully. I managed to negotiate a good 15 days of rest before I hit the ground running again back in Manila. 

This is all new to me. I have never been away from work this long --- ever. I always moved from one job to another, with no respite in between. Sugod lang ng sugod. 

I'm grateful that now, I can afford to have even just 2 weeks of break. 

*Happy* 

I feel very at peace and I enjoy the quiet mornings to myself. 

Ironically, I always end up opening my laptop and pounding on the keyboard --- to update my files, blog, my online accounts, etc. etc. You really can't take away work from a workaholic that easily.

A few more days and I'm leaving Jakarta. I will be back in a month's time for sure, though. 

:) 

All in God's time. 

For now, I shall continue to enjoy the solitude. 

*Bliss*   

Wish me happy

You broke my heart. Into a million pieces. 

So I hope you can find it in your heart to wish me well. 

I hope you can be happy that I want to be happy. 

After everything that has been said and done, this is the least that you can do for me. 

"Good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Thus, said Marilyn Monroe. 

To complete her quote:

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

So very true and couldn't have been said any better. 

Whilst to others, a broken engagement is a disaster - to me, it was God saving me from further disastrous events. 

Things may have fallen apart but to be honest, I am in a much better place right now. 

I have learned to be independent. Once again. Now, I am following my own dreams. My own plans. I have turned a new leaf and have embraced the possibility of being able to love again. 

I am embracing the change, because it is good for me. 

The month of June has always marked the season of change for me. I'm quite happy with everything that is happening. 

Some things are meant to be bitter-sweet. I look forward to the new life ahead of me back in Manila. At the same time, I am saddened because I will leave people I care about here in Jakarta. 

I hope things turn out well in the end. God knows what is truly in my heart, what my soul so richly desires. 

I allowed a good thing to fall apart --- because I want to bask in the greatness and happiness of what better thing will fall together from hereon.

This is it. 

I am moving on. Definitely, absolutely moving on. 

:)

The ever so familiar goodbye: of transitioning and packing my bags, yet again

Deja vu. I'm packing my stuff in the office and it is my official last day.

My thought bubble whilst I'm pounding my keyboard: been there, been that.  

Same time 2 years ago, I was leaving a great team behind and relocating to an uncharted territory (at least in my book). 

Fast forward to today --- I am in the same situation, only with different people. 

I'd like to think that I've been immune for moving quite so often. I've changed and searched for apartments 4 times already, packed my stuff and flew out - not once, but twice.

Perhaps others think it's the usual run-of-the-mill for me already, that I get used to the crying and the sad goodbyes. 

I wish I am.

You never get used to saying goodbye --- especially to people you have learned to care for and love. Cliche', but it's like adding insult to injury because you get to relive that sad moment all over again. 

Of goodbyes and moving on... I like doing the latter but I wish I can forego the first part. I do have trouble saying goodbye because it's hard to let go of people who made a dent. 

But then again --- there are really no permanent endings. The people who cried for me 2 years ago when I left- who also got it caught on video for my send-off party -  must be smacking themselves silly right now since I'm coming back to them. Harharhar. 

At any rate, it is definitely inescapable. I am moving on and transitioning all over again, in the hopes that I am fulfilling my destiny and my purpose. 

But to the team that I will leave behind: my heart goes out to them. I do hope that the future holds another opportunity for us to work together or spend time. 

I had fun and I had a great time. 

But for now... off to packing my bags.

Bucket list

The bucket list is resurrected. 

Honestly, it never died. It was just there. 

Only now, it is updated with better things to come. 

I am happy. =) 

Finally, I can say that I am.

Remembering

Tomorrow would have marked our 6th year anniversary. 

Perhaps if plans didn't change, I would be in the middle of discussions with our wedding planner on which florist to choose. I would have probably been e-mailing Veluz Reyes on the details of my wedding gown. 

No matter how much we plan our lives, though, things don't turn out the way we envisioned it. 

Whenever people find out about the broken engagement, they normally say sorry. But to be honest, this might have been one of the best things that happened this year. 

Because finally...we are letting each other go.

Whenever a door closes, God will open gazillions of windows and doors for new beginnings and new chances. 

In my heart, I believe that life will be nothing but better after this. 

People actually wonder why I am still friends with you after this. It's simple, really --- I don't want to bear any grudge because I have faith that God must have saved me from something disastrous. 

And six years ---- is still six years. 

YOU...

Will always be the love of my life. 

You will always be that person who got the best of me. I gave you my best. I gave you my everything. 

At least now, I can say that I have done that in this lifetime. 
 
After all that has been said and done, no regrets. 

May you find the love and life that you deserve. 
 

Clarity and answers

"Ask and it shall be given." 

Faith and hope. Trust that the Universe will conspire in your favor to achieve your heart's desires. 

It is amazing how God answers prayers --- in His own place and time. 

Thank you. 

I am overwhelmed. I have nothing but praise and thanksgiving in my heart.

Thank you for watching over me. For not forgetting me. 

I am ever-blessed. 

Thank you.

The Universe reminded me today, once again

"Life is too short. Look out for yourself. If someone continuously mistreats you, have enough respect for yourself to leave them. It may hurt for a while, but it’ll be OKAY. You will be OKAY. Oftentimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own worth..."

AMEN.