The hunt for a new school is officially ON!!!

Abby is first in class! 

I just found out from my Mom this morning. 

This afternoon, I spent some time searching for a better school for her, comparing traditional Catholic all-girls exclusive schools versus Montessori schools. 

The Montessori school system seems more appropriate for Abby but the tuition fee is more than double that of a Catholic school. 

I've been racking my brains for hours already on how I can afford it. If I move her to a better school, her tuition fee will increase 3 times as much! Apart from that, I need a school bus to take her to school and bring her back home when she just walks to school right now. 

Although we do group parenting for Abby - with me, my Mom and her Lola taking care of her, I'm the single parent right now looking after her financially. We don't share the same last name yet so I can't get her an educational loan from my company. 

I mean well --- I want her to get a good education --- even better than what I had. I will call more schools in the coming days and prepare her for the admission exams starting November. 

I'm very certain that she will pass the exams with flying colors --- kayanin sana ng powers ko ang tuition fee. 

So help me God.     

There's a fine, fine line

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

Purpose

For everything that is happening in my life right now, there must be a purpose. 

1. My engagement with Big was broken.
2. I turned down a contract renewal in Indonesia --- regardless of its 100% salary increase. Yep, you got that right.  
3. I came back to the Philippines.
4. I came back to my previous company --- with a better package and a better post, of course. 
5. I had a recent falling out with Big.
6.  I had another falling out with a friend --- In hindsight I'm actually thinking whether she was really my friend to begin with.
7. My priorities are shifting. There is meaning beyond the long hours at work. 
8. Friends and significant people from all over the world are returning to Manila!

I am definitely pruning my friendship list. Some are intentional, some are circumstantial.  

I'm re-examining my values and what's important to me. I'm beginning to question whether what I'm doing in my life is actually contributing to the betterment of humanity, so to speak.

With every heart ache that I feel, another blessing comes. Is it just me or is this really happening? Or perhaps I learned how to count my blessings for every tear that falls.


God knows I want to do more, fulfill more, achieve more.

And at the end of everything, I want to have more joy in my life.

Purpose.

I sure damn hope that I'm fulfilling mine.

Staycation

Life in Manila --- yep, still adjusting to it. 

Welcome back to your life, April. 

The last 2 days of the long weekend was spent running around like a headless chicken. Errands here and there, meeting friends and being with family --- it never ends.

Yesterday, I had to be at the airport, attend my 3-hour worship with the family, buy Abby's materials for her homework, visit my best friend in Makati Med and make a dent in my reading materials.

CRAAAAAAAZYYYY.

I wanted some quiet ME time today, you know, finish reading Catching Fire in bed while sipping hot chocolate with marshmallows. I need my ME time to keep my sanity. 

BUT I decided that I'd rather go happily crazy spending the day with the family. The whole morning was spent cutting and pasting Abby's homework, stringing new kiddie bracelets for her and teaching her how to play Jenga (oooh, she has a knack for it).

The afternoon was spent at the Shangri-La Hotel for high tea to meet J and catch up again before he goes to the airport. I headed to the car wash after then rushed back to my apartment for the family dinner.  

Whew! 

It doesn't end there --- I have to help them pack up, drive them back then have my time in front of my lappy to do some pre-work for tomorrow. 

To think that I was supposed to meet suppliers today and re-stock on my inventory. 

More than 2 months back in here, but I gotta admit that I'm still getting the hang of things. 

I'm back in my life. Front and center. 

No matter how tiring it gets, I won't trade it in for anything else.   

Of endings and beginnings

Your time has ended because you chose to end it. 

I asked you.

Several times. 

How many doors and windows do I need to open for you?

How many thousands of tears should I shed for you? 

Life does not seem to end the way you want it to?

You chose your ending. Our ending. 

Remember when I asked you what you wanted to do with us? That was my last play to at least know if anything is worth saving. 

I cannot save you. 

Not anymore. 

You never wanted me to. 

Big

I do think of you every now and then. 

I will always be fond of you --- in ways that I may not express and just keep to myself. 

The love I have for you will always be there. 

I'm saving it for another lifetime.

Of passion and service to humanity

I love what I'm doing. Unlike others who just work to work, I'm in the industry that I like. I love my domain of expertise. I love portals and user experience design. 

I spend loooong hours in the office figuring out the next strategy or the next innovation to adapt to my platform. 

It's one of the things that I love to do --- I just hope that while doing it, I'm doing some sort of service to mankind in my own little way. 

We're on a roll!

Oh yeah, we definitely are!

I've been in and out of meetings for the past 2 days. My usual lunch rendezvous with the girls were replaced by lunch meetings. The thing is, my system doesn't register it as lunch if it's in a meeting so I still feel hungry all the time! 

All is not lost, though.

2 approvals cutting across all the hierarchies. All in a day.

AYLAVET!!! 

I feel so accomplished this week. 

Thank you, Universe, for being so cooperative! 

A few more hours and I am hosting a dinner party for my girls tonight - whatta perfect way to end the frenzied week. 

I love my life. :) 

A relationship lesson

After a lot of heartaches and several unsuccessful relationships, I realized something today. 

Moral lesson of the story: 

Never again will I be in a relationship that does not put me in one of the top priorities. 

I undervalued myself. It hit me and oh, did it hit me hard. 

Why do power women tend to value themselves less? Yep - guilty as charged. 

I will never be second fiddle to anyone's career. After all, everyone builds their careers from ground up. But for what? Shouldn't personal relationships be the reason for that? 

I will never be in a relationship where I will not be introduced to parents and friends. 

I am a good person --- in heart and in mind. I deserve the star status in someone's life.

In fairness to me - in my own insy tinsy way - I made the world a better place. 

I will never allow anyone to make me feel otherwise.   

I will never be with someone who is not proud of me. 

Today, I just had one of the best epiphanies in my life. 

I am someone worth something. 

Never again will I underestimate myself and my worth in a personal relationship. 

I would rather be by myself than feel undervalued again. EVER. 

Universe, is this what all of this is about? 

It was a lesson learned very well.

Now, can you give me and my girlfriends that someone we all truly deserve?      

Looking back

You BBM'd me this evening to ask: "Muzta na?"

Muzta na? Who uses that??? Ang jologs! I couldn't help but laugh.

It's hilarious coming from you, though, with Tagalog not being your first language.

What made it funnier is that you didn't know that it was tacky. 

I caught myself sighing.

I do miss you every now and then. 

This made me miss us today. 

But I know I can't look back anymore. 

And I shouldn't. 

Oh well. 

And the day goes on.

Life goes on. 

Stoning moments

Just came from a 4-hour planning meeting with our business group. 'Would've loved this so much had it not been for the migraine that's been pestering me the whole afternoon. 

Work has been pretty fast and hectic. My 3 weeks back feel like it's been 3 years! 

Everything's been great though. The business group has got a great, dynamic and passionate leader. The passion is just burning in his eyes, I can't help but feel infected! 

I'm glad I made the move. 

My gut feel just really tells me - plain and simple - I made the right choice. 

*happy thought while spacing out after the mental gymnastics*

Coffee love: the deprivation that's driving me insane

Coffee is my fuel in the morning. It's both psychological and physiological, but I need my coffee to kickstart my morning. 

All of my team members back in Jakarta know that if anyone wants me to contribute a humongous proportion of my brains in the discussion, we gotta have the brew! 

I have been having gastric cramps and hyperacidity attacks for several days now, which merited a trip to the doctor. Lo and behold --- the treatment requires me to stay away from caffeine for 2 weeks. 

2 loooooooooong, aggrandizing weeks!

Hindi lang 'yan. The list goes on. I cannot drink coffee, tea - not even hot chocolate! I can't drink any soda (not really a loss) nor eat anything spicy or with tomatoes. Spell pizza and pasta - just my favorites and my staple food. 

2 weeks. 

The rest, I can stay off of them, but coffee --- is a different story. The deprivation makes me crave for sweet stuff - cakes and pastries, even the very faddish tea drinks. 

2 weeks. 

Oh well. I gotta do what I gotta do.  

Champagne life

And my champagne brunches have been replaced by Sunday worship, family lunch and family quality time.

From shopping galore to picking up Abby's playdate and watching over them while they swim in the pool. 

I am definitely blessed. 

Much as I miss my champagne brunches --- which I can still have, but on Saturdays --- my Jakarta routine has been replaced by spending time with my family. 

Not complaining. Definitely not complaining at all. 

Friday musings: Pagbabalik Manila

It's undeniable. 

I know I'm back in Manila, because: 

1. I'm in the office by 7am on a Friday because it's my coding day!!! Note to self: thou shall not get a new car with plate numbers that will code me on a Monday, Wednesday or Friday. 

2. Pinagpapawisan ako (I sweat). Indonesia is also a tropical country, but with the Philippines being nearer the equator, it is hotter and more humid here. Never did I sweat by walking in Jakarta. I only sweat when I work out in the gym. 

3. Naglalakad na ako (I walk). Armed with my ballet flats, I have to walk from my parking to my building. With the cobblestones and all, my Carrie Bradshaw shoes will not last for a month, regardless of how expensive they are. 

4. I drive. No more Pak Karman driving me around. In Jakarta, I just call and say, "Let's go, Pak" and voila, my driver will be there in 5-10 minutes. I don't mind driving. I love driving. Parking and getting the car washed and cleaned are the car duties that are not exactly my favorite. 

5. There is pork everywhere. At walang konsepto ng halal ang mga tao. Veggies with pork, munggo and lechon kawali on Fridays, chicken-pork adobo. Lahat na lang ng ulam, may pork! 

6. I can drink tap water. I got used to ordering bottled water in restaurants because in Indonesia, lest you want to be befallen of typhoid fever, you gotta order bottled water. In Manila, I can drink water without my tummy getting sick. Woohoo!

7. Spice is not a default. This, to me, is more of a disadvantage. I LOVE spicy food. 

8. Friends and family are within reach. Isang tawag lang, inuman na. Dinner with friends are not so difficult to schedule. Pati breakfast and lunch, fully booked. In fact, uso na naman ang double booking, which I don't really want to do. And I hope, I don't take this "abot-kamay lang ang people reality"  for granted.

9. Wine and alcohol are cheap. DIRT CHEAP. At nabibili sa suking tindahan o Shopwise. Claudia Vallformosa for P495 in Shopwise. Enough said. 

10.  There are sooooooooo many things to do. Sorry naman. Pero believer ako ng "It's more fun in the Philippines." 

The Philippines has a lot of quirks. Either you love it or you hate it. For someone like me who's been out and about everywhere, though, I find my heart leading me back home.

I love to travel, no doubt about it! But to me, kahit anong hirap, kahit anong calamity-stricken, there is definitely no place like home.

You betcha

Day 4

...and I am flustered!!!

Clocking in 12 hours everyday. 

But I'm happy-stressed. 

I made the right decision.

Jakarta, my Jakarta

Tonight is my last night as an expatriate here in Jakarta, Indonesia. I will naturally go back to see friends --- but as a tourist and no longer a resident. 

I'm happy that I spent my last night with two of my most favorite people here. Without them, Jakarta would have never been the same. Jakarta became a second home because they cared for me.

I'm excited --- and I'm soooo looking forward to my life in Manila. At the same time, I will leave a huge portion of my heart here. I will leave behind loved ones and people I really love and care about.

But just like what Ate said, "my love for you will never change, no matter where we are."

So long, Jakarta. 

See you in a couple of months! 

Peace and quiet...for a change

For almost a week now, I have been spending my mornings peacefully. I managed to negotiate a good 15 days of rest before I hit the ground running again back in Manila. 

This is all new to me. I have never been away from work this long --- ever. I always moved from one job to another, with no respite in between. Sugod lang ng sugod. 

I'm grateful that now, I can afford to have even just 2 weeks of break. 

*Happy* 

I feel very at peace and I enjoy the quiet mornings to myself. 

Ironically, I always end up opening my laptop and pounding on the keyboard --- to update my files, blog, my online accounts, etc. etc. You really can't take away work from a workaholic that easily.

A few more days and I'm leaving Jakarta. I will be back in a month's time for sure, though. 

:) 

All in God's time. 

For now, I shall continue to enjoy the solitude. 

*Bliss*   

Wish me happy

You broke my heart. Into a million pieces. 

So I hope you can find it in your heart to wish me well. 

I hope you can be happy that I want to be happy. 

After everything that has been said and done, this is the least that you can do for me. 

"Good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Thus, said Marilyn Monroe. 

To complete her quote:

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

So very true and couldn't have been said any better. 

Whilst to others, a broken engagement is a disaster - to me, it was God saving me from further disastrous events. 

Things may have fallen apart but to be honest, I am in a much better place right now. 

I have learned to be independent. Once again. Now, I am following my own dreams. My own plans. I have turned a new leaf and have embraced the possibility of being able to love again. 

I am embracing the change, because it is good for me. 

The month of June has always marked the season of change for me. I'm quite happy with everything that is happening. 

Some things are meant to be bitter-sweet. I look forward to the new life ahead of me back in Manila. At the same time, I am saddened because I will leave people I care about here in Jakarta. 

I hope things turn out well in the end. God knows what is truly in my heart, what my soul so richly desires. 

I allowed a good thing to fall apart --- because I want to bask in the greatness and happiness of what better thing will fall together from hereon.

This is it. 

I am moving on. Definitely, absolutely moving on. 

:)