Not seeing eye to eye
There are times when two people have the same goals but have different ways of obtaining them. There may not exactly be a right or wrong way of reaching the goals, but sometimes, the means of achieving it matter - especially if you are a couple. Although I am not an advocate of the Machiavellian belief that the end justifies the means, the latter is still very crucial.
In the middle of this week, the Boyfriend and I had a very big disagreement on how to resolve something. There was a major fuss over it. Up to this day, we are still very adamant about our opposing positions. The end-result: we are both distant and slightly apathetic to each other.
I acknowledge my fault. When something went wrong with a plan last Wednesday, I made him feel he was to blame for it. Although he didn't mention it, I know he got pissed off because what came across was not just "It's all your fault," but a whopping "You are so stupid."
I am sorry about it. I'm sorry that I made him feel bad about himself.
I didn't mean it.
But what I can't apologize for is the way I do things. He said I'm too structured when it comes to my plans. For him, it felt like no one - not even him - can deter me from doing and achieving something. No one can just ruin my plan or they will get hell from me.
Very true.
But this is me. This is my driven, go-getter self speaking, thinking and breathing.
I cannot apologize for it as it is tantamount to apologizing for who I am.
I am not just about to. I like how I do things. "My way" got me this far without his help.
It's not fair for me to be asked "where does US fit in the picture?" or "when will you ever acknowledge that we are in this together?"
Perhaps the thing to ask him is, are you willing to accept that this is me?
This is my package.
Take it or leave it.
Friday, August 16, 2002
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