Unexpected closure and reckoning

I have never obliterated anybody in my life – no matter how much pain they have inflicted on me – except for one person:

The Buddy.

The Buddy made his way through several entries in this blog last year.

All of a sudden, the pining, the whining, the longing (mine, for that matter) for him all stopped.

He hurt me. Badly.

There was no excuse for what he did.

He took advantage of my feelings, my sincerity, my loyalty, my vulnerability.

Worst, he took advantage of our friendship.

Ever since Doji’s party last year, I literally erased him in my life.

Phone numbers – both in the States and here in Manila, addresses in LA and in Ayala Alabang, all instant messengers, all email addresses.

I just didn’t want to have ANYTHING to do with him.

Then mid-Sunday afternoon, out of nowhere, there he was.

Asking for forgiveness.

Admitting how much of a jerk and a dumb-ass (his words, not mine) he was.

How much sorry he feels, how he never meant to hurt me, and how sincerely he felt for the two of us.

But he just couldn’t do anything about his situation.

That’s why he opted to just walk away.

From us.

For several years, I ached for him.

I moved heaven and earth for him.


When he walked out on us, I was crushed. I was broken.

I was angry. Utterly disappointed.

But I couldn’t stay angry at a person for a long time.

I have long forgiven The Buddy.

Both he and I had our own reasons why we both risked, why things didn’t work out.

He had his reasons why he decided to let go.

But after the apology, after hearing how much he really cared for me, how much torment he felt after I decided to eradicate him from my life…

I didn’t feel like gloating. I didn’t feel happy, or proud.

That he is down on his knees, haunted by the wrong he did.

I only care for and fall in love with someone once in this lifetime.

And frankly, at this point, when it comes to The Buddy…

I just don’t give a damn.