Lost.
I don't want you lost.
Wednesday, October 09, 2013
Monday, October 07, 2013
What dreams may come
I'm writing about this a few days late, but I thought it was blog-worthy, nonetheless.
I dreamt about you a few nights ago.
It had such a massive impact on me that I woke up with tears streaming down my face. My pillow was wet with tears. 'Took that as a sign that I was crying for some time before I actually woke up.
I dreamt that we were going to attend this formal evening ball together but you decided that you did not want to go with me. Yes, in my dream, we were still together. I was convincing you to go with me to the party but you insisted - being the usual hard-headed that you are - to go without me because you had other plans. I wasn't sure if you were going with someone else, but the rejection broke me.
That being said, I decided to go to the ball with another girlfriend.
En route to the ball, amidst the crowd, I actually saw you about to enter the grand ballroom.
There you are, dapper in your gray suit and dark blue tie. You were looking around. You were alone. You were maneuvering your way through the sea of people, with your neck sticking out like you were looking for something or someone.
A few minutes passed by and you were still by yourself. But you were alone. You went to the party on your own.
In a few milliseconds, I felt relieved to not see you with anyone. But that relief was quickly overtaken by grief, by a deep remorse that I felt in my core.
In my dreams, tears were rolling down my cheeks because I felt sad that you were by yourself. In my head, there was a stream of questions.
Who will take care of you? Who will entertain you in the party? Will you be okay?
I wanted to run after you to be there.
But truth of the matter is, you decided to fly solo.
When I woke up, I was still crying. My chest was still heavy.
There you were. You were the one who left. But here I am, worrying about you - who will be there for you, who will be there with you, who will take care of you.
And someday, somehow, it will pain me to know that there is someone. But with the pain comes the gladness in my heart that someone is looking after you.
Your happiness, after all, is what I truly wish for.
I dreamt about you a few nights ago.
It had such a massive impact on me that I woke up with tears streaming down my face. My pillow was wet with tears. 'Took that as a sign that I was crying for some time before I actually woke up.
I dreamt that we were going to attend this formal evening ball together but you decided that you did not want to go with me. Yes, in my dream, we were still together. I was convincing you to go with me to the party but you insisted - being the usual hard-headed that you are - to go without me because you had other plans. I wasn't sure if you were going with someone else, but the rejection broke me.
That being said, I decided to go to the ball with another girlfriend.
En route to the ball, amidst the crowd, I actually saw you about to enter the grand ballroom.
There you are, dapper in your gray suit and dark blue tie. You were looking around. You were alone. You were maneuvering your way through the sea of people, with your neck sticking out like you were looking for something or someone.
A few minutes passed by and you were still by yourself. But you were alone. You went to the party on your own.
In a few milliseconds, I felt relieved to not see you with anyone. But that relief was quickly overtaken by grief, by a deep remorse that I felt in my core.
In my dreams, tears were rolling down my cheeks because I felt sad that you were by yourself. In my head, there was a stream of questions.
Who will take care of you? Who will entertain you in the party? Will you be okay?
I wanted to run after you to be there.
But truth of the matter is, you decided to fly solo.
When I woke up, I was still crying. My chest was still heavy.
There you were. You were the one who left. But here I am, worrying about you - who will be there for you, who will be there with you, who will take care of you.
And someday, somehow, it will pain me to know that there is someone. But with the pain comes the gladness in my heart that someone is looking after you.
Your happiness, after all, is what I truly wish for.
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