Answered what-ifs

When things have been confirmed, what next?

Now that my questions have been answered, it actually lead to more questions.

Sometimes when I feel angsty and frustrated that I cannot do anything about things and I cannot control the circumstances, I would wish that I never knew or never felt it.

Or that I should have never seen him again.

But I know as well that I'm lying.

Despite the sadness that it brought me - with the acceptance that feelings can never be enough to risk, to continue, or to constantly have the person with you - I feel relieved that I now know.

And grateful that I had the chance to find out.

Grateful, that though I never told him, I made him feel what is.

Sick

'Been sick for two days now. Straight from Chateau Royale, Nasugbu for a speaking engagement, I've been down with stomach trouble and fever. The doctor's verdict: shellfish poisoning.

I ate oysters and mussels at Josephine's in Tagaytay. I only had some and didn't realize that my stomach is this sensitive. So that's a lesson for me - no shellfish. EVER.

Seek

This is a quiet weekend. I am home. I only go out of the apartment to check on my car. The Boyfriend is out of town and won't be back until tomorrow.

During these moments, I find myself searching for answers.

Barely two weeks from now, I am again turning a year older.

27.

When I was in college, I saw the age of 27 as the right time and age for me to get married.

So where am I going now?

A major part of me knows I am nowhere near ready.

But the question is - why? What's keeping me from taking the plunge?

I have found the perfect husband-material. Good boyfriend, good friend. A would-be good husband and father of our future child.

While all my high school and college female classmates are putting pressure on their boyfriends to marry them, here I am - trying to evade it and actually plotting out all forms of machinations to delay it.

Until now, I am seeking for the answers.

But maybe - just maybe - it's already time. At the very least, it's high time to seriously think about it - and consider.