2005 Boons and Banes
This has been a yearly tradition for me – to recap the year that was, to look back and reflect on the things I’ve done and events that transpired.
In a nutshell, 2005 was another year of roller coaster ride, what with my usually-larger-than-life escapades. I wish some of them weren’t for real, but as they say, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.
My year-ender of boons and banes:
1. Cutting loose and letting go.
I never thought I could do it. Nor did I ever imagine that I will ever be capable of totally and literally deleting a few people who I realized were “baggage” that prevented me from moving on. I always felt guilty for ignoring and not being there for friends and loved-ones who were emotional parasites – those that fed on my own well-being and whose welfare I attended to first, before my own, yet brought me nothing but aggravation.
No guilt was felt. Raoul. Rafael. Deleted from system. File not found.
2. Tried, tested, true friends.
Hallelujah for this! If there is one thing that I will not run out of, this is it – true friends. I pride myself for being a fiercely loyal ally. I expect nothing less. And I am grateful that at this point, I know who my emergency numbers are – those who I can call at 3am, those who will pick me up wherever I am and whatever time it is.
Cheers to my best bud Ian and to my soul and wicked sister Celia. To Arlene – I am grateful that we found each other again (despite the vexations of our exes). To Gemma, Bobby, Jonathan, Che, She, Marc, Ryan, Yasmine, Nino, Panet, Arnold, Maite. To my mentors Doji and Romy. To myGlobe. To ABSi friends. To my OHSI inspiration.
Time and distance can keep friends apart. But the real ones will stick around, nonetheless.
3. School.
Back in school last October. 3 more subjects before graduation day. A long, treacherous and expensive endeavor. All for the love of the academe and the quest for higher learning.
Shyet.
4. New job.
Basta sa amin, posible!
It will come as a shock for me if you haven’t heard of our current company slogan.
April 1, 2005 – I officially became an employee of the second largest telecom in the country. I am, once again, under the wings and mentoring of my all-time favorite boss cum mentor cum friend. My dream to go back to my first love and dream industry finally came true. Did I mention I have a kick-ass team?
And there is no turning back.
5. New job, therefore, new car. Zara.
Delivered last October 7. An advance birthday present for myself.She’s the way I want her to be. Brand new. Red. Sleek but not a fuel-monster.
She’s mine. Mine!
6. Wanderlust. I was bitten by the travel bug this year. And this is one of my major accomplishments. Three Asian countries in a span of six months. And all for leisure, at that. Party, friends and the great sale in Singapore; beach, spa, shopping and tornado-watching in Thailand; shopping and ultimately finding love in Hong Kong (Uuuuuuy! Baduy!)
Revisited Palawan in August. Watched the sunset. Frolicked in the beach. Got drunk. And got drunk some more.
7. Acknowledging responsibility.
Since childhood, I have never been insulated from our family issues. In fact, I was my mother’s shock absorber and cushion. I have been given responsibilities far greater than what is usually expected from someone like me at my age.
Before the year ended, I have finally accepted that all these responsibilities are mine. Nobody else will cover for me or for my family. And it is God’s blessing that I am given this chance to take care of my loved-ones.
8. Big. I met Big. The British version. I lost him, too, in a span of three months (Or was it the other way around? He lost me within three months, har har!). But I will be eternally grateful to him for giving me one of the greatest experiences of all time. I enjoyed playing the fab gal who chose his cutlery, wine glasses and bathroom towels.
Thank you for one helluva trip! For the thousand dollar dinners, for the intellectual conversations, for the walks in the park, for the ostentatious exclusive parties, for the champagne brunches and red wine nights, for making me stay in your posh apartment and educating me about starting my own antique collection.
More importantly, thank you for the realization: that after the grand parties come the nursing of an awful hangover, that a huge apartment in a Forbes-type Singapore village feels so empty when I am left by myself by a partner who travels a lot, let alone drinks too much and stays late more often than he is home; that white linen sheets get stained by tears and that mascara smudges on them are hard to clean. That a lush life is fine by me. But it will never determine my happiness. NEVER.
9. Self-discovery.
Regardless of others’ perception, how I see myself has never been clearer. Now more than ever, I am certain of what I want, how I am, who I was and who I want to be.
I will not settle for less. I will never be complacent. I want passion – a lot of it – and it is not something that I can give up and compromise. Passion in my private affairs, in how I do things, in the way I work. It is the fuel that pushes me to aspire, to do better, and make sure I get what I want.
I have a psychedelically-colored past that I am proud of and that I will happily look back to when I am old. Let no one pass judgment of it.
Most of all, I uphold my integrity and respect for myself – in anything that I do – this is a guiding principle.
10. Finally, B.
It’s like moving houses. It gets tiring when done too often. Or sometimes, just when you thought you already want to settle into one for good, circumstances will compel you to move out once again and find another place to live in.
She came in the most unexpected of time. I wasn’t deliberately looking for her. And I wasn’t exactly very excited to “shift paradigms” once again, only for me to be disappointed in the end.
But the universe and common friends both conspired for the date (that was one year in the making) to finally happen.
The rest is history.
I am just grateful for this warm, cozy feeling. Of being in a relationship with someone I am in love with who loves me in return. She can get a little crazy and jealous sometimes, but I appreciate the depth of the emotional connection and conversations, the pampering, how we are with each other – and everything else that is in the relationship.
I hope I’m finally home this time.
Happy 2006, folks! May this year be fabulous - blessed with love, health and wealth for us!
Posts
