Knowing what we want

How could you want something so bad and just eventually give it away?

You don't really know what you want.

Now that you're leaving you just want to give him up.

I can't blame you, though. I thought I knew what I wanted, too.

The Buddy and SARS

The Buddy flew in last Sunday. He's going to be here in Manila until August or September, again, depending on his whims.

We had dinner and spent some time together last Monday. The morning after that, I had a slight fever. Knowing that he had a stopover in Taipei, I immediately called him to check if he feels well, if he doesn't have fever and cough.

Yes, he was fine.

Whew.

At 3:00am on Wednesday, however, I got a text message from him informing me that he has a cough. As paranoid as I am about SARS, I panicked and rang his mobile.

I told him to stay home and get enough rest.

Damn - I really feel like stangling him right now. Despite the warnings from his dad and mom not to fly through China Airlines, he still did. I also advised him to stay home for a while.

Kuripot kasi - tinipid pa ang $300.

He has 5 more days before he can be declared SARS-free. We spoke this morning and he said he was feeling better.

Again, I was relieved.

Anyways, welcome home, Buddy. Cheers to more gigs together.

I just hope he feels better before the Formula One gig in National Sports Grill.



Take me there, I wanna go there

Now that my schedule is pretty much flexible, I am toying with the idea of going to Indonesia and Singapore next week. I'll tag along with some girlfriends, or even Celiah, who work there.

Right now, I just want to breathe and get away from it all.

On the other hand, The Buddy is more inclined to take a few days off in Bangkok. He said he can get us a $265 trip.

Hmmmm... sounds very enticing.

Let's see who else we can brainwash to go with us.

In the meantime, I am daydreaming of a grand holiday in the middle of work. I think we should check out the red light district in Phat Pong.

Now that would be very interesting!

Kindred Spirits

Celiah and I haven’t seen each other for quite some time now. We were both busy with our own lives.

This morning, she managed to catch me in my pad and we had a long conversation – about her 2-year relationship, work, plans, etc.

As for me, I only told her The Dilemma. She is one of my very few trusted friends who I can tell anything and everything and would not castigate me for it.

She was surprised that the issue dragged. She never knew me as someone who would let a problem stretch for a long period of time. But she understood that it really takes a lot of effort to keep a friendship after you have somehow blurred some boundaries. Add to this the long denial stage that I managed to get myself into.

I was more surprised that while I was going through it, she was experiencing the same thing – questioning her comfort zone, asking what lies ahead, and if we ever believe in destiny versus carving our own paths. We are both in happy and contented relationships, yet we also both wonder if what we have right now are for keeps. We both have happy, comfortable lives, yet we both question whether we can sustain them and for how long.

Yes, we are on the same boat again.

It’s funny how our stages in life would always be similar to each other. We underwent the same stormy relationships and complicated career shifts at the same time.

A phone conversation was not enough to discuss and deconstruct everything that is happening. We agreed to meet for dinner tomorrow night. There is a lot of catching up to do.

At this time of my life when everything is changing and happening so fast, it’s good to have found my way back to Celiah and know what’s her take on things.

As we ended the conversation, I felt a lot better. I’ve found my soul sister again.

An awakening

Take me to another place
Take me to another land
Let me forget all that hurts me
Let me understand your plan.

- Tennessee
by Arrested Development


Thank yous

I’m very touched by the gesture of friends who swamped my email of job vacancies. Maraming salamat talaga.


Windang moments

I’m having a hard time adjusting to my new schedule right now. I start work at 1pm until late evenings. It really takes a lot of discipline to organize my schedule since I got used to a programmed schedule and a routine of some sort. And since I am working on several projects, I sometimes catch myself on panic mode.

Hindi ko na alam kung ano uunahin ko!

Not that I’m complaining. Baka ma-karma ako at bawian ng rackets ni God! Hahahaha!

I just need to adjust. I think I need to talk to Abi for some tips.

Now that I thought of Abi – miss ko na ang Web. I don’t have a Liza anymore who comes to my rescue. Huhuhu.

Released

Last week, the position I was handling in my company was considered redundant. To cut the long story short, they gave me my redundancy package and I got a hefty separation pay that can last me until December.

Since I was prepared for what was coming, I made my contingencies. I’m currently working on a marketing project. I was hired by another start-up as a consultant to help them draft their marketing plan. The pay is actually quite good – a lot higher than what I was getting and I only have to work for 4 days!

Good, huh?

But knowing that this isn’t stable, I am also working on getting a full-time job somewhere. So friends, do fill me in if there are job vacancies out there for me. ;-)

I felt relieved in a way. Now I have the luxury of time and enough money to be able to look for THE JOB that will put more meaning in my life, where profit is not the only concern and where reaching out to others is the priority.

I also felt sad because I left a family. It was the best team I ever had and I had the chance to be with the best team lead and mentor anyone could wish for.

Well anyways…

The industry is very small. The possibility for everyone to work again is not really far-fetched. And I am so looking forward to that.




Let’s not go there…

Where we could hurt those who care about us
and those who truly love us.

Let’s not go there,
Where I won’t be willing to see you off
Or bid you goodbye.

Let’s not go to that place where
We would compromise our growth and our dreams
Since we didn’t build them together.

Let’s not go there,
Where we could end up hurting each other.

Let’s just stay here.
Let’s just stay where we are right now.