Playing dirty

After training in the gym, The Bad Boy and I went to Ice Bar for a few rounds. Over his usual Jack Daniel's and my not-so-usual dry martini, we were discussing an issue that we always end up waxing philosophical about: playing.

Again, we were dissecting the whys and the hows of playing and being monogamous. I was trying to understand it from the men's point of view and being a self-confessed player himself, there was no one else that would be more credible to talk about it but him.

His take on the matter was really very insightful. I was actually enlightened by our conversation! Up until this morning, I can't help but go back to the things we talked about and I finally came to the conclusion that he is right about a lot of things.

Distilling his opinions and mine, I came up with the conclusion that women know how players are. They know the game. But women's judgment are muddled by the emotions they attach to the player and to the relationship, hoping that the rules of the game may change or they might be an exception to the rule. But the rules don't change. And when you're in the game, there aren't really any exceptions.


Befriending the enemy

Speaking of The Bad Boy:

I have cultivated - unintentionally - a strong bond and friendship with him. Others may see him as an obnoxious skirt-chaser. A proverbial playboy. But I saw a person with substance. Someone who has enough decency to admit who he is and yet sees the potential of who he wants to be.

As scheming as he could be with current prospects, I'm glad that he values our friendship and treats me with utmost respect. I was very impressed - and deeply moved - that he saw the friendship as something for the long haul, to not be tainted by temporal carnal desires and senseless flirting.

Oh get real, we do flirt. But at the end of the day, we both know that talk is cheap. This friendship is for real.


Waiting in vain

Have I been waiting in vain? After all this time of incessantly thinking about our possibilities, is this all going to waste after all?

When the ship has sailed

Okay, more sober now.

And yes, now that both my feet have landed back on the ground, I had a few notable realizations that I just have to write down. Some were from friends’ and loved-ones current goings-on, others my own. It would be best and safest not to divulge which ones are mine and which aren’t.
Not in any particular order of importance:

1. How I define sinful indulgences: They can be likened to eating chocolate when you’re on a diet. You crave for it, and then decide to give in and eat the chocolate and feel terribly guilty after.

2. That when you get away with a transgression, you don’t get away with it and from it after all. Because YOU know. And because you can never run away from yourself.

3. That there is courage in the admission of weakness. And the best way to not succumb to your weakness is to start admitting that you have it.

4. That you may want to veer away from something that you know will not be good for you but not do anything about it because the flesh is weak.

5. That there will be a lot of first attempts in staying away from something bad but fail to do so. But you pick the pieces up and try again. The next attempt may be the one that will let you get out of the vicious cycle.

6. That you may comfort a friend that you feel has done one of the biggest mistakes in her life, not agree with her decisions, but still be there for her –not condoning what she does – but still be a good friend and understand.

7. That ideal relationships may fall apart, that something you believe was institutional may crumble to the ground. Everything changes, but you should never stop believing. Never stop having faith.

Keeping the faith while keeping it real

At a time when something I strongly believed in, someone I looked up to turn out to be the actual opposite, it feels like heaven and earth both crumbled down and crushed me. And I am buried in the rubble. I tend to question ideologies, principles, faith. At a time when I feel like losing hope, I hang on to friendship. I hang on to trust.

Right now that I am, again, losing hope, I badly, awfully wish The Buddy is here to knock some sense into me and help me find meaning to everything that is happening. I am banking on – nay, holding on – to what we have.

Friendship. Trust. Truth. Faith. The things that matter the most to me at this moment. Everything that makes me keep on believing.

Post-Singapore notes

I just got back from Singapore. And I am a bit wasted while writing this so if there are any grammatical screw-ups, that’s alcohol talking.

I LOVED this trip! It’s not the first time but it’s more memorable. I stayed there for five days, didn’t go around much within the city but I had a lot of fun.

I will be posting a more detailed blog about the Singapore trip and the rave I received from other countries and markets about my presentation – when I am more sober. Hehehe.

As a teaser, I had a VERY nerve-wracking, mind-blasting, albeit dangerous trip-ender. It was a lot of FUN and a lot of risk! But that’s what life is about. Sinful, but all so worth it!

Bar, bar, bar

Three of my closest friends are taking the bar this whole month of September. Dearies, I wish all of you luck – Maitz, Thea and Len. Len, sorry for the late greetings, but let me give you an advance congratulatory note. Cheers to my soon-to-be lawyer-friend. You have to be one – it’s destiny. And I’m banking on you passing the bar to bail me out of future skirmishes with the law (though I don’t exactly wish to have any!).

Ala-MTRCB

When I write in this blog, I protect some of the people I write about by not posting names. Thus, the monickers I have baptized some of the people who I know would figure in the blog a lot – The Boyfriend, The Buddy, The Bestfriend, The Archer (there’s more to him later, again, when I get more sober.). I didn’t realize though that it would land some people I really care about in trouble and in some issues.

Thus, some clarifications:

I am sincerely sorry if I got someone into a bit of trouble about something I wrote here previously. I did not implicate people here to be incriminated. This is not about them. This is ABOUT ME. And MY life. How I think. And feel.

BUT: I will not apologize about writing. This blog contains pure thoughts, feelings – whatever I think and feel.

But I also feel sorry for some who would take advantage of the write-ups to satisfy whatever it is they would want to achieve on their end.

Thus, I will continue to write about whatever I feel like writing. I will protect who needs protecting, but I hope others will not use these for their personal gain.

Bato-bato sa langit, ang tamaan, tinamaan. No apologies for it.