When the ship has sailed

Okay, more sober now.

And yes, now that both my feet have landed back on the ground, I had a few notable realizations that I just have to write down. Some were from friends’ and loved-ones current goings-on, others my own. It would be best and safest not to divulge which ones are mine and which aren’t.
Not in any particular order of importance:

1. How I define sinful indulgences: They can be likened to eating chocolate when you’re on a diet. You crave for it, and then decide to give in and eat the chocolate and feel terribly guilty after.

2. That when you get away with a transgression, you don’t get away with it and from it after all. Because YOU know. And because you can never run away from yourself.

3. That there is courage in the admission of weakness. And the best way to not succumb to your weakness is to start admitting that you have it.

4. That you may want to veer away from something that you know will not be good for you but not do anything about it because the flesh is weak.

5. That there will be a lot of first attempts in staying away from something bad but fail to do so. But you pick the pieces up and try again. The next attempt may be the one that will let you get out of the vicious cycle.

6. That you may comfort a friend that you feel has done one of the biggest mistakes in her life, not agree with her decisions, but still be there for her –not condoning what she does – but still be a good friend and understand.

7. That ideal relationships may fall apart, that something you believe was institutional may crumble to the ground. Everything changes, but you should never stop believing. Never stop having faith.

Keeping the faith while keeping it real

At a time when something I strongly believed in, someone I looked up to turn out to be the actual opposite, it feels like heaven and earth both crumbled down and crushed me. And I am buried in the rubble. I tend to question ideologies, principles, faith. At a time when I feel like losing hope, I hang on to friendship. I hang on to trust.

Right now that I am, again, losing hope, I badly, awfully wish The Buddy is here to knock some sense into me and help me find meaning to everything that is happening. I am banking on – nay, holding on – to what we have.

Friendship. Trust. Truth. Faith. The things that matter the most to me at this moment. Everything that makes me keep on believing.