Day before Christmas

Some folks are not "birthday people," aka one of my besties. They dread the coming of their birthdays and choose to celebrate quietly - or not celebrate at all.


I, on the other hand, am admittedly not a Christmas person. When I was a child, I had one lonely quiet Christmas that did it for me. After that, Christmas wasn't the same for me again. And year after year, there's something about December that makes me feel lonely. And something seems to happen during the season that reinforced how I felt about Christmas.

Delamar once said that it's the pressure of being cheerful and joyful during the season that puts more pressure into people, which makes them more depressed during the holidays. I was one of those people. 

Until I left the Philippines.

There is nothing like Filipino Christmas. That, I can truly say. That so-called Christmas spirit --- it's unexplainable but it's just in the air. It makes people kinder, nicer, more generous. The spirit allows us to be more gentle with each other. 

Outside my hotel room right now, I can hear the unrelenting honking of buses and jeepneys --- as early as 6am. People are rushing to go back home to their families in time for the Christmas Noche Buena tonight.

Manila is noisy. It's busy. It's traffic everywhere. Normally, I will be superbly annoyed. But not today. Not this season.

Because it's Christmas. And I finally felt it in my heart. 


Merry Christmas, everyone!Light and love this holiday season. And let's not forget why we are celebrating in the first place.

Finally...

Filipino food! 

Lechon kawali (don't forget the Mang Tomas lechon sauce!), pinakbet, sisig, chicken barbeque and  kilawin!

'Will definitely need to pound the pavement in January to burn calories!

 

Manila, my Manila

True enough, despite the miasma of traffic gridlock, the roundabout search for parking in malls and the seemingly incessant smog hovering over the city skyline: It's good to be home. There's no place like it. Na-miss kita, Manila.

Nothing beats...

Christmas in Pinas. 

Isang tulog na lang and I'm en route to the airport to fly back to Manila. 

I can feel and almost smell Christmas in Manila already. 

EXCITEEEEED!!!

To the Inner Circle: see you in a couple of days! 

Party na 'to!

Andrej Pejik: the epitome of androgyny

 

 

 
I am fascinated by androgynous people. Thus, my admiration for Katherine Moennig. 

Andrej Pejik, made banner headline this morning in fashion blogs as he fronts the campaign for Hema push-up bras. 

Yep. It's a HE. 

This male model, born in Bosnia and Herzegovina from a Serbian mother and a Croatian mother has the softest face and the most androgynous body form that he can model both male and female underwear.

But WOOOOOOOW! Talk about ultimate androgyny. This is it! 

I cannot believe his photos. Andrej is even prettier than the other female models and made it to the list of top 20 models worldwide. 


The push-up bra campaign is earning positive feedback so far... but there has always been a backlash to androgyny. 


Let's see how the campaign does in the coming days. 
 

Of choosing quality people in your life

"Stop spending time with the wrong people.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.

Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends."

 Very true.

Missing one of Manila's finest

I know I need my dose of Manila when I start to miss one of it's finest : GREAT FOOD. 


I've been around Southeast Asia a lot, but I can really claim that Manila is the ultimate enclave for the foodies by heart. 


I'm not talking about Filipino food alone. It's not a very Filo thing to admit this, but I do know that compared to our other Southeast Asian counterparts, Filo food will pale in comparison to the melange of flavors of Thailand and Malaysia. Although our adobo and kare-kare will definitely give some of their dishes a run for their money.


Now that I'm in Indonesia though and I've been to neighboring Singapore and Malaysia several times, I do know that Manila is the melting pot of all kinds of restaurants - both boasting of local and international cuisines. 


I'm missing out on the Mercato and night food markets. I have not been to the new fusion restaurants dotting High Street and the nooks and crannies of residential Makati. 


I. cannot. wait! 


The first thing I do when I land in Manila is to ask for lechon kawali with the classic Mang Tomas sauce.  


7 more days to go.

HBD shoutout to my bestie

Mother, we've come a loooooong, loooooong way. 

A lot of history shared. Name it, we went through it: heartaches, happiness, frustrations, success, new lovers, new friends. 

The journey would not have been this fun without you. 

Cheers to you, Gemma! I wish you all the love that the Universe can give.

It's about time.

TGIF!

Rush-packing and rush-typing. 

The Boss is finally here. And I'm still stuck in the office replying to e-mails! 

Looking forward to a great, restful and stress-free weekend!

I heart December

First of December.

In Manila, Christmas songs would have been playing as early as September. In Indonesia, it's quite the contrary. 


But I love today! 


'Seems like December will be a great month for me. 
Time to feel the spirit, to hear Christmas songs. In 20 days, it's time for me to come home to the familiar, to the loving, to the comforting. 


It took me some time to realize it --- more than 3 decades at least --- but it's never too late.


I love December! 

It's time to be in Manila. 

Fast forward to weekend

Barely mid-week and I'm already looking forward to Friday. 

It's a pleasant surprise. A beautiful thing. 


I can't wait for you to be here again. 

I'm all for the weekends lately, I noticed. 

Dear Universe...

I think I deserve a great weekend.

The whole week has been tough.

Thanks to an inconsiderate, self-centered brat.

Yay to the weekend.

One of the times when I really mean TGIF!

These made me happy over the weekend

 

I'm glad they came over and visited.

See you again this Christmas break, Kids.

Big

Just an epiphany this evening before I close my lappy and call it a day: 

I love you. 

Through all this time and with all that we've been through, I realized how much I love you. 

It may be imperfect, it may be flawed...

But it is a love that endured. 

I'm grateful for you.

Lunching ladies

It's been a hectic week.

I was given 2 days to write my business plan. I have a presentation to the steering committee in a couple of days. My numbers are flat-lining. 

I'm stressing my team out and pounding on them to panic and do something about our numbers. 

My college friends are here in Jakarta. Whilst they gallivant around town and cuddle tamed tiger cubs in Taman Safari, I remain seated in my office typing away how I should be growing my business for 2012. 

In the middle of a hectic Friday, I decided to head out to Din Tai Fung and join the company of the lunching and brunching ladies: the Jakarta Bitches. 

I'm glad a did. Breath of fresh air. Made me feel more grounded. 

I'm the second to the youngest among all of them and it's nice to be the green one hearing wiser words.  For a change.

It's so true --- I need to be French every now and then - savor the joie' de vivre which I have been neglecting lately. 

And my ladies reminded me of the true path. Many thanks to the wiser ones. 

Now that I'm done with the bizplan, I still have Monday morning to panic and draft the steercomm slides. 

In the meantime, I shall enjoy a weekend of good Indonesian food, antiques, batik, Ramayana ballet at the Prambanan Temple and the view of Borobodur up close.

Yogyakarta - here I come!

Pulling through

You came when I needed you. 

Perhaps you didn't know how miserable I felt for days on end. 
Distance has a way of muffling anguish and desolation. 

Thank you for coming over. 

I needed you. 

And I need you to pull this one through for me. 

Just one of them days...

...when I want to be all alone and mope.

But at the same time reach out to someone who knows me so well.

That's what I don't have in Jakarta.


The ready 911 list when everything goes wrong and I want certain things to feel right.

I miss the Non-Judgmental Breakfast Club.


I miss my best friends - who will understand where I'm coming from. 

I need someone to tell me now that everything's gonna be alright. 

HBD2M

Holiday Inn Baruna, Bali Indonesia:

Approximately an hour and 20 minutes before I turn another year older. 

Yes --- another year older, but probably none the wiser.

Yet I cannot complain with all of God and life's blessings. Mine has been showered with a lot of love, loyal friendships and meaningful relationships. 

Thank you, God, for another year. 


Universe, thank you for granting my wish.


Finally.

This girl...

...is having too much fun.

It's probably a coping mechanism, what with all the stress that I'm going through at work. Suffice it to say that I love what I do, my new team is uber fantabulous --- but I hate --- HATE --- political machinations. I just want to bring it and nail it. 

Just so glad that my team is tight and that old friends visited Jakarta. 

Thank God for the joy of friendship. 

 

 

"Stay hungry. Stay foolish."

Today, the dotcom-IT-telco-mobile industry - and practically the whole innovation world - is mourning the passing away of Steve Jobs.

It is indeed a very sad day. I woke up with the news in my BB from my portal kids. 

I don't know what to say, really. I am surprisingly affected --- and very sad. 

Rest in peace, Steve Jobs. To the man who made history, to one of the greatest innovators of our time, cheers to you. Life well lived, job well done.

October

I welcome you with open arms.

You just started and here you go again, placing me in an all too familiar crossroads.

And you're not quite happy with just one. 

Cheers to what this October will bring!

May I turn a new and better leaf.

Muntik na!!!

Muntik na kong mawalan ng flight pauwi ng Manila in December! 

I checked my flights last night as I wanted to book December 24 to January 2 flights. Lo and behold! All dates from December 21 until January 4 are SOLD OUT! 

I saw 2 more seats left from PAL for December 21st so I just had to take it! Cebu Pacific and Singapore Airlines were both hopeless - fully booked as well. 

Taking it from last year, flights were tight already as early as July. DAMN!!! 

Muntik na kong magsagwan pauwi ng Pilipinas. Buti na lang meron pa. 

Moral of the story: Competitive and Pinoy sa flight bookings for vacations and Christmas holidays. MUST. BOOK. EARLY!!!

Monday: not bad huh

Normally, Mondays don't cut it for me. I was never a Monday person since I'm dreading all the meetings that I have to be in. 

Actually, my workaround to make Mondays less formidable is to start listing down all my to-dos and declutter my Inbox on a Sunday morning. Thus, the Sunday morning cafe' routine.

There's something about this Monday that actually felt different --- I was actually looking forward to it, sans no particular reason. 

Today's been good.

Dollar was stronger from Rp8,500 to Rp8,750. Hindi na ako feeling dukha!

Nice to have a good one for a change. 

Rawr!

For those who have known me from my past life, a lot of them will say I have severely mellowed down. 

No, I don't slam the table or throw things when I'm angry during meetings anymore.

No, I don't have ferocious statements like "Galit ako sa tanga" anymore.

I haven't lashed out on anyone for the past - what - 2 years? In my book, that's a loooooong time! 

Believe it or not, my Filo-Australian boss even told me he can't imagine me being mean!

My blog title isn't even becoming of me anymore!

Not until this morning... 

Finally, the nice girl facade collapsed. I had a semi-shouting match with a consultant that kept on pushing me against the wall.

Dude, not my fault you went gallivanting for 2 weeks and you don't know what's happening here. 

Feisty much?

My kids are not used to it so the ones within earshot and the one in my meeting actually got really stressed about it. 

Yep --- I still got it in me. 

And I will never seem to get rid of it. I wouldn't want to - it comes in handy in moments like this.

Spankin’ life

I’ve heard this a gazillion times already --- “to travel is better than to arrive.”

My competitiveness, passion, ambition and zest for life almost always leave me craving for so much more.  I have to constantly remind myself that there are so many reasons why I should be grateful.

Rightly or wrongly, I’m always restless, wanting to hop on to the next bus or train that will lead me to my next pitstop. I always look forward to what is beyond my current spot, forgetting that where I am now is something that I should be reveling in and celebrating.

What is so bad about how I live my life right now?   If I start counting my blessings, I would sound like a childish brat for ranting too much.

One – I am living a spoiled expat life in Jakarta, with two maids, a driver and car. I live in a 2-bedroom apartment, which for someone living alone, is more than enough.  

Two – I did get what I wanted. I declared…nay, demanded to the Universe that I wanted an expat post in another telco. Yes, I work extremely long hours, I work on Sunday mornings by default, my promotion has been delayed for several months already and I have been a casualty of X number of reorgs that actually contributed to the stifling of my career path. But I have a great team – all new and young bloods – that I truly care for, I get along with my boss and the regional opportunities for me are in full bloom. 

I just really need to suck it up --- for all the things that suck. Looking at the bigger picture, though, it is not a catastrophe. 

Three - I have a supportive, loving, caring, funny and very earnest boyfriend. It has not been all roses for us.  No, we are not a normal couple – our highs and lows – are unwillingly extreme. At the same time, we have come a long way and we have a solid history and friendship that we always fall back on during tough times. The Boss is not perfect, but he is trying. I’m not perfect, but to him, I am. 

Four – Despite my sometimes seemingly gargantuan financial responsibilities back home, I am blessed with a strong capability to earn my keep. I’ve got multiple investment funds and although the dollar has been significantly devalued, I get by. I can still afford my little luxuries, I have an enviable collection of bags and watches, I can afford my Sunday brunches and fancy dinners with my ladies without scooping out coins and bills under my couch or in my bags. 

Five – The most infallible testimony to what great life I have --- is a collection that I will not trade for anything. My friends.  True, loyal and great friends that I acquired and kept through all these years. Jakarta, in the most aggrandizing moments, is survivable because of my girlfriends from here. When I come back to Manila, I come home to the comforts of my inner circle, my besties, my college friends, my Globe family, my adopted daughter and my own family. One of the greatest successes that I’m very proud of is keeping the right friends, choosing the good apples and staying with them. 

With these top 5, I really have no right to complain. If I rant any further, I feel that the Universe will strike me with lightning. Any moment now. 

Life is not perfect. But it’s always good. 

The only way to unblock a writer's block...is to start writing.

Truth be told, I have nothing specific in mind to write about. I've been meaning to blog for several days now, but it seems like I'm stuck in the middle of oblivion. I'm in blog abyss --- too many thoughts in my head, yet I'm grappling with words.

Literally, I'm at a loss for words! I've somehow lost my element. 

Evil thought inside my head: this is what both Indonesia and Facebook combined can do to me. 

I need to jump-start and I'm taking my cue from Regina Brett. Just start writing. Pound the dang keyboard.

Crossing fingers that I get ze groove back. 

It's me unbecoming me --- to not write about anything, to lose my words, my grammar, to be incapable of expressing my thoughts. 

THIS CANNOT BE!!! 

I need to be yanked out of this. 

HEEEEEELP!!!

Crossing over: no, not dying. Getting married!

I’m in my early 30s and I’m not married.

Although I have been with someone for years now, I’m still single. Not that I don’t want to go that road. I eventually will, but at the right time and at the right point in my life.

Crossing over to married life is not an easy decision. Ryan is right in saying that marriage isn’t for everyone.

I was never conventional. Marriage is not a prerequisite to happiness and bliss. Definitely not a precondition to be with someone.

At the same time, if and when I decide to take the leap and cross over, I’d like to do it right.

Idealist, much? Perhaps I am. That’s why I haven’t gone the path.

If and when I do, I’d like to be sure it’s only that one person that I would like to be with for the rest of my life. I don’t want to ever think of anyone else. I don’t want to think of annulment, of divorce and of division of conjugal property.

I don’t ever want to think of having an affair. Ever. That is just so sad.

No one is ever ready to take that plunge. If I do, I’d like to at least know that I’m doing it for the right reasons --- I’m not rushing, I’m not pressured, I’m not panicking about my biological clock, I’m not pregnant, I’m not doing it for the money, and I’m certainly not doing it to follow conventions.

As idealistic as it may sound, I want to get married because I want to be with one and only one person for the rest of my life…and that person will be my witness as I go through my journey.

I’ll do it once in this lifetime. Or I won’t do it at all.

And I hope --- I really hope I don’t do a renunciation. It may be non-pragmatic, but that’s how I see it.

There is virtue in patience and in respecting the institution.

270...

...is roughly the number of days before a new leaf will turn.

There is a combination of uncertainty, anxiety and anticipation.

I know where I want to be. It's just a matter of time.

Universe, do your magic for me. You know I deserve it.

Quo vadis, April Spring?

Barely a few hours that I posted my last blog entry, the news hit me... I am being moved back to Marketing.

After being reorg'd not once, not twice, but FOUR times within 6 months, I'm back to managing the product that I built.

True--- mabilis ang response time ni Universe. And careful what you wish for.

I asked to be led. So here I am.

Sometimes, things happen but we really don't know whether it's good or bad --- in the bigger scheme of things. At times, we mourn when we need to celebrate.

I have my reservations in going back but generally, my vibes are good. In the long run and in my greater path, I know I am where I should be --- right here, right now. In the next 10 months, at least.

I am slowly finding that of which is elusive to some: my sense of purpose.

And that...is the most important thing.

Lead me, Lord

My heart tells me to just surrender.

I know I have never said this openly.

But do lead me. I will go wherever you want me to.

You know all of my heart's desire. And I know that you may not give me all that I want, but you will give me everything that I need.

You gave me free will. You gave me my choice.

But this time, Lord, lead me.

I know I am in good hands.

Ever grateful

God, thank you.

It's a beautiful day.

Break the glass

"Break the glass, please, and free us from all these damned rules, from needing to find an explanation for everything, from doing only what others approve of..."

"I wanted to say that it’s a rite of passage, as he’s often said. That it’s forbidden. That glasses do not break on purpose. That when we walk into restaurants or into our homes, we are always careful to move the glasses that are on the edge of the table. Our world requires us to make sure that the glasses do not fall on the floor.

"Break the glass, I thought to myself, because it is a symbolic gesture. Try to understand that within myself, things were breaking of much more importance than a glass, and I’m happy for that. Look to your own inner struggles and break this glass..."

"Our parents taught us to be careful with glasses and with our bodies. They taught us that the passions of childhood are impossible; we should not remove men from the priesthood, that people do not perform miracles and that no one goes on a journey without knowing where he wants to go..."

"Break this cup, please, I thought to myself, and release of all these damn misconceptions, the habit you have of only doing that which everyone agrees with..."

Paulo Coelho thought and wrote about it perfectly.

The devil or the deep blue sea

I knew it.

When the Universe is up to something, I can sense that there is something happening on the background. I can feel the wheels of change turning and the very subtle, implicit signs of her machinations.

That restlessness, that agitation ---- really meant something. A foreboding, a premonition of things to come. True enough, change is once again on its way. It dealt me a new set of cards --- not exactly to my liking and in my favor.

I am faced with the choice: the devil or the deep blue sea.

I chose the deep blue sea. Or the Universe chose the deep blue sea for me. She might have realized that I'd rather swim relentlessly than sell my soul. I can't take the latter back.

It's not the best deal that I got, but at the moment, it is the temporal placeholder that I have to contend with. It's another test, whether I can bloom where I planted and if I can grow enough patience to withstand what I have to deal with. Resilience is something natural to me, but patience - it is a struggle to learn and practice.

An epiphany this morning also made me realize that it's not just patience that she wanted me to imbibe. The Universe wants me to learn how to trust --- which I stopped doing God knows when. It's not something that I naturally dispense even as a child. Now both time and tide are asking me to let go and just trust. I realized that if patience is elusive because it's not an inherent virtue in me, trust is something that I naturally refuse to give.

It's time - to learn and unlearn things.

I hope I'm right in doing this.

Post-Sri Lanka Thoughts

Colombo has treated me oh-so nicely, what with the executive floor stay at the Cinnamon Grand Colombo and the warm welcome of my counterparts in Dialog.

The Dialog guys were very generous and friendly. Hospitality is really a Southeast Asian thing. I have not been to a Southeast Asian country where the people were not as warm and sunny as the tropical weather. I love it!

Colombo still has the "old city feel," where ravens fly about any time of the day while ducks and pelicans float about on the lake.

Sri Lankans are predominantly Theravada Buddhists. I was extremely fascinated with the Buddhist temples and the monks clad in orange garb walking on the streets.

I looooooved it. A different place, a different feel. It was a welcome breather, despite that I was there to work and conduct several presentations.

Too bad I didn't have enough time to go around, much less shop for gemstones as the country is well-known for it.

The trip satisfied my wanderlust --- which never fades away in the first place. But instead of pacifying my restlessness, it just fueled it all the more. It reminded me of what I hope for, what I should do and where I'm supposed to be.

There is a reason and season for everything.

Colombo, thank you for the enlightenment.

Where go the boats?

Yet again another crossroads.

I find myself in another junction. Although different, I feel like it's deja vu.

Life. I'm here again. I can feel the restlessness enveloping me, as I ask myself the all-too familiar "quo vadis" question.

So where to now, brown cow?

I do welcome this restless feeling, though. It's quite disturbing, but it's always the advent of good changes for me. It is a sign of better things to come.

Tomorrow, as I head out to Sri Lanka for a series of meetings, I'm hoping I can have a window of opportunity to think things through.

So where to now, April?

What next?

Manila, Manila!

If you are one of the faithful, you normally don't believe in coincidences. God has a reason and season for everything.

In this Manila trip --- Gemma wasn't really supposed to be back, but since fate (and work) takes her to the land of the chocolate boys, we are finally seeing each other in La Manila!

Happiness!!!

There's a lot to be thankful for --- opportunities, TNC birthday celebrations, Ninay's baptism, R.'s birthday, to name a few. Sometimes, I just marvel at God's generosity and kindness.

This trip is a much-awaited breather for me. I've been going through some things at work - transitions, more responsibilities, and more transitions. In moments like this, I want to be comforted with the familiar and the trusted.

And that's none other than the Manila Circle.

True - life can be better in other places and countries. But Manila - bumagyo man, tumaas ang gasolina, o uminit ng todo-to-the-max, you will eternally have that special place, because you have my roots.

'Looking forward to coming home in a couple of hours. =)

Silence

Sometimes, I resort to silence when I have nothing good to say. Most of the time, I have to bite my tongue since when I lash out, it can be a very sharp double-edged sword that can slice and bleed someone to death.

Soooo... since I'm trying to rake in good karma points, I'd rather be silent.

Why I'm silent with you, friend?

Because I question your integrity --- or the lack of it.

You don't need to lie about things to get what you want. Or if you want to fool around and cheat, make sure you do it flawlessly.

Or just tell the damn truth that you want to fool around, for crying out loud! We are all grown-ups but you behave like you're still in high school.

My utmost disappointment is you seem to have not changed, throughout all these years. Bummer. For you. Not for me.

You say one thing...then do another.

My silence actually pushed you to do certain things ---- which actually just proved my point.

Nagpaulan ng integridad sa mundo, tulog ka.

Resume silence. Anything following this is already really unpalatable for you.

And it's so not worth it for me.