The devil or the deep blue sea

I knew it.

When the Universe is up to something, I can sense that there is something happening on the background. I can feel the wheels of change turning and the very subtle, implicit signs of her machinations.

That restlessness, that agitation ---- really meant something. A foreboding, a premonition of things to come. True enough, change is once again on its way. It dealt me a new set of cards --- not exactly to my liking and in my favor.

I am faced with the choice: the devil or the deep blue sea.

I chose the deep blue sea. Or the Universe chose the deep blue sea for me. She might have realized that I'd rather swim relentlessly than sell my soul. I can't take the latter back.

It's not the best deal that I got, but at the moment, it is the temporal placeholder that I have to contend with. It's another test, whether I can bloom where I planted and if I can grow enough patience to withstand what I have to deal with. Resilience is something natural to me, but patience - it is a struggle to learn and practice.

An epiphany this morning also made me realize that it's not just patience that she wanted me to imbibe. The Universe wants me to learn how to trust --- which I stopped doing God knows when. It's not something that I naturally dispense even as a child. Now both time and tide are asking me to let go and just trust. I realized that if patience is elusive because it's not an inherent virtue in me, trust is something that I naturally refuse to give.

It's time - to learn and unlearn things.

I hope I'm right in doing this.