Loud and proud!

Last Monday, I-Witness featured the "Pink Peso," arguing whether this already exists. For those who are not very familiar with the lingo, pink peso is the money spent by gays and lesbians and their behavior with regard to expenditures.

In short, ano ang pinagkakagastusan ng mga lesbyana at bakla sa Pilipinas?

The conclusion of the docu is that there is already an emerging "pale pink peso." It's not as significant yet, but it can not be ignored anymore. A major indication would be the proliferation of exclusive bars catering to them - Bed, Blue Bar, Boysie's. I was able to party and hang out in the first ever exclusive for girls bar in Wilsons.

The gays have successfully veered away from their 1980s parlorista image, what with a lot of gay men coming out of the closet. These gay men are artists, professionals and businessmen who do not have children so they don't need to worry about tuition fees and what-have-yous. The same thing is true for lesbians.

In fact, most lesbians who do not have families to support have a lot of money to spend on their luxuries. I have a lot of lesbian friends who are lawyers, doctors, managers and executives who do not bat an eyelash spending P1,500 per night out.

Most definitely, this is an emerging market.

I'm very proud of these people who were able to dispel their 80s-90s stereotype of screaming fags or tibong mukha na talagang lalake.

See you guys at the White Party and the Pink Festival!

In full circle

I dreamt about you last night. In my dream, I was missing you terribly, wondering how you are now. I called all our friends, looking for you, taking my chance if they have heard from you after you went in the bootcamp.

Nothing.

I got more worried. I sensed that something was wrong. I need to know how you are.

Amidst the frenzy, my phone rang. It was you. You sounded anxious on the other line and as frantic as I am. You asked how I was and disclosed that you felt like there was a hollow block pressing on your chest and you were thinking of me. You were worried there was something wrong with me.

I burst into tears. I told you that I felt the same way, like there was something wrong and you needed me.

I was awoken by my alarm at 6am. There were tears in my eyes. They stained my pillow.

I couldn't get out of bed. My body felt numb and warm. I checked my temperature. As confirmed, I had a slight fever.

My dream about you was so lucid I am still worried until now.

When I got to the office, I had to call your best friend to check if he has heard from you. Nothing. He said I was probably one of the, if not, the last person you called before finally checking in for your training.

I am still hung up on the dream.

When you left again, I never thought of you on purpose. I never consciously looked for you, asked about you, knowing that it would be futile.

Now when I look back, I am realizing that you are the only one I run to when I seek for clarity. For balance, for logic. You are, like you claim to be, my best instinct half.

You were very impatient with indecisiveness, but tolerant of mine. You loathed aberrance and gray areas, but moved your paradigms to understand and accommodate mine. You were unforgiving of unfaithfulness but you accepted my indiscretions.

You accepted me for who I am.

Despite that, I had to run away. I was frightened that what we had was becoming too real. Too real for me that I had to make difficult choices - to stay in my comfort zone or leave everything else and take my chances on something true yet very uncertain.

We never had the chance, given our circumstances right now. And like you said, we may never know.

What's worse for me is I'm regretting that I may never know.

And that I have totally lost my chance to find out.

I was running away yet here I am, confronted by one of my greatest fears.

You.

Buddy, you are missed. If I could take that chance back, I will. And I feel sorry I didn't.