Death to Sincerity

Impatience got the better of me yesterday, as I found myself in not one – but three – conversations that gave me the runaround.

These are personal conversations that ranged from seeking clarity on what the nature and definitions of friendships and relationships are to the very mundane question of where a certain friend is going.

At the end of the day, I just felt too exhausted to bother figuring things out or even asking for further discourse.

Hands-off.

I just had it. No guessing games anymore.

I’m done.

Driving home, I entertained a lot of thought bubbles in my head, again falling guilty of waxing philosophical about the trite and the trivial. Perhaps that was just it --- I shouldn’t even bother figuring out.

Until I came to my final personal resolution – it matters to me even though the rest doesn’t seem to think so. Or at the very least, they try to convince themselves that it doesn’t matter. That it’s of no importance to scratch the surface because there is nothing beneath.

Why can’t just people say what they mean?

Must we always put a façade and a game face on?

Why are we so afraid to tell someone how we feel?

Why can’t we just lay all the cards? No false fronts.

We keep on playing charades. What for? To make people wonder?

Why can’t you tell me to stay?

Why can’t you say straight-face that you don’t know who I am to you – yet I might be a friend or that missing piece of the puzzle?

Why can’t you tell me where you’re going?

Why won’t you try?

I also know the answers…

That’s why it’s frustrating. Infuriating.

I just wish we take some moment in our lives to get out of our inner circle and take some risks.

I’m afraid I’m losing chances of meeting and being with wonderful people who will make a dent --- because I’m too afraid.

And they’re too scared of me.

Reality Bites

Tinatawag na ako ng realismo.

Ilang araw na lang.

Ikaw kasi.

Sana hinintay mo na lang.