To Sir with Love

Exactly three years ago, we were together in Jakarta. 

We spent the weekend together with Ate Evelyn, plowed through the antique shops of Jalan Surabaya for my furniture collection and bought my first serious nude painting. 

We went to Segarra to see the sunset while we were having cocktails. 

Blame it on Timehop that I actually unearthed this specific episode. 

Can you believe it? It has been three years. Has it been that long? 

I haven't seen you for two years now. The cosmos has yet to align for us to bump into each other once again. We share the same city once in a while. We check in the same hotel, for crying out loud! Yet we never, ever come across each other.

Perhaps the Universe knows in her core that I may not be ready for it - no matter the brave front. Honestly, the thought bubble in my mind is: Are you? 

Three years.

But the photos still scorched something in me. 

I still bled a little. My throat still burned from choking back tears and my chest felt like there's an anvil shoved on top of it. 

Ganon pala talaga kita minahal. 

I casually told Nabeth what happened today, of three years ago. She said, "Sayang si Sir. Akala ko talaga kayo na." 

I thought so, too. 

Today, I'm in a much better place, but the thought of you...of us...still strike me nostalgic. 

I can't help but wonder until when I will bleed a little when I think of you. 

I guess this is what great loves do to people. They make you realize the amount of pain and love you can bear for one person, just for the want and the need to be with them.  

Sir, you're definitely one for the books. 

After all, there is only One Great Love in this lifetime for me.

That, or I may just be waxing sentimental.  

YOLO

You only live once. 

For some, they may take it as maximizing whatever life has to offer, to the point of being reckless. 

Admittedly, I may have subscribed to the same mantra when I was younger. 

Come to think of it, I may actually have been the classic case of a devil-may-care, risque' person a few years back. 

I partied so hard that my friends and I can shame younger people because we can stay up in Prive' until almost five in the morning and head out to Recovery Food or the nearest Chinese restaurant for breakfast until 7. 

I have a record of out-drinking several of my guy friends who were twice my size. My biggest record so far is out-drinking my husband who happens to be well-trained in downing whiskey like there's no tomorrow. 

Drunk driving? Guilty. I scratched my car not once, not twice, because I was intoxicated but I had to drive myself home.

Overspeeding ba kamo? I was the queen of overspeeding in EDSA when I had one too many to drink.

No, I'm not proud of it. In fact, I don't want my daughter to even know. 

On a lighter note, I'm quite adventurous as well with things I want to do. I took on surfing, I love heights and sky diving is still in my bucket list. Wanderlust is very natural to me. 

I was also risque' in romance and relationships. Trauma is not in my vocabulary. No matter how many heartaches I went through, I took the blow, yes, but I always dusted myself up and tried again. 

Looking back, I was one of the poster children of YOLO. 

Am I as rogue as I was when I was younger? 

Not quite. Somehow, I managed to tame myself and behave. Things are not what they used to be. 

The mantra still holds true for me, though. 

You only live once. 

Therefore: 

Try to make the best of everyday. Make a dent - big or small. 

You only live once. 

So live everyday like there is no tomorrow. Call your parents. Say I love you to people you care about. Do everyday things with your purpose in mind. 

You only live once. 

Do things with this at the heart: Integrity. 

Integrity is the cornerstone of a person's truth. It's one of the virtues that makes us try to do things right, at least most of the time.

This is a realization that will come in every person's life, eventually. As some of the wiser people ahead of us would say, it is one of the virtues you will stumble upon and learn to value once you "see the light." 

I'm glad I did. 

 YOLO.

Yes, I still subscribe to the mantra, but hopefully, with more substance this time around.
 

Happy birthday, Skye!

Your sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek sense of humor really got to me, at a time and place when only few got the drift.  I remember being the only one who laughs at your jokes in conference rooms when you were still pitching and presenting to me.

I have come to love you because you are both funny and witty. At the same time, you are head-on serious when you set goals in life. You are sincere, loyal and you are such a great friend. Your friends can definitely attest to that.

You have a good and kind heart, despite the sarcasm. You have the virtues that I lack, which makes you perfect for me.

Today, I am reminded that I married a great guy.

Happy, happy birthday, Skye.

Looking forward to coming home to KL together tonight. And cheers to more blessed years ahead of you. 

Monumental 02.15.2014

A month ago, this happened...

Yes. The Bitch finally got hitched. 
 

To a fine young gentleman.   

It was an awesome party, to say the least. =) 

 

 

 

Attended by the people who matter, the Inner Circle, the ones near and dear to us.

Will it be a happy ever after? 

Fate is always in both God's hands and ours. We carve our own destinies, but we must always seek God. 

I know it won't be an easy ride, but I'm excited to take this journey forward. This time, I'm not alone. I'm with the best person I can ever be with.  =) 

I don't believe in fairy tales and happy ever afters. 

But cheers to MY happy ever after.

Of best friends, saying goodbye and welcoming another one back

Indeed, life is a wheel that goes on and on. Sometimes, we say goodbye to people we love, but if they are meant to be in our lives, they eventually stumble back in. 

Des is leaving for Melbourne next Tuesday. While I'm saddened that I will soon lose one of the besties within the Inner Circle, I'm also excited to have someone back again. 

VERY EXCITED!!! 

Ate Eve is coming back to Manila for a new gig. Whilst we will be on the opposite site of the fence, it doesn't matter. I'm getting one of my best friends back. That, to me, is what matters.  

Ate Eve is one of my crutches during my Jakarta stint. She was my sounding board, my weekend salon and shopping soulmate even before the Malaysia Boys came into both our lives. 

Although we kept in touch very regularly despite the distance, being near each other still mattered. 

And now, we're back together. IN THE SAME CITY!!! STARTING TOMORROW!!! 

*dance of joy* 

Here's to more adventures together. And cheers to good ol' friendships! 

  

On taking the high road

Why self-reflection is needed every now and then: Sometimes we see the speck of dust on someone else's face without seeing our own. We demand respect from others when we don't know how to give it. We ask people to be gentle but we cannot control our own temper. We implore others to be humble but we do not go down on our own high horses.

Love begets love. Respect begets respect. These transcend the boundaries of age and manners.

Self reflection means doing it first to others before expecting others to do it unto us.

The high road to this is doing it first, without expecting others to do the same, and forgiving others when they ever forget.

Today, I'm choosing the high road.

Of airports and planes

I think I've blogged about it already before, but the way I feel about airports remains the same. 

I feel melancholic whenever I'm in airports. 

It means a state of transition and change for me. 

Although I'm always excited of changes, I also feel sad about leaving. 

I had a great time in Malaysia this time around --- probably one of the best trips that I've ever taken in the country.

Things around here are not new to me anymore. What made it great are the people in here who welcomed me back with open arms. 

And Skye --- who always has my best interest at the forefront. 

Blessed and grateful, as always. 

=) 

A few hours and I'm back in Manila! I can't wait to start running our wedding errands! 

Day 1 of 2014

New Year's Eve was spent at the Mandarin Oriental beside KLCC Tower so we can witness the fireworks up close. 

It was a quiet celebration --- cocktails, buffet dinner, fireworks display and a champagne toast by midnight with Skye's family. 

Today, Skye and I had dimsum for lunch, ran errands, bought his 3rd pair of Onitsuka shoes as my New Year's gift and bought his clothes to be brought back to Manila. 

We had a long nap in the afternoon, woken up by his Dad for a taco feast dinner. 

The entire night was spent at home, planning our wedding and ironing out more details together. 

Definitely a good start for day 1. 

Moving up and moving forward, 2014! 

The best is yet to come

Heavenly Father, 

Thank you for all your wonderful blessings and graces. You have blessed me with so much more than what I deserve. 

You've done it again. You made me believe that all I have to do is to have faith in You and You alone. 

My life in 2013 has been a testament of Your miracles, as the miracles happened in my life itself. 

Thank You for your gifts, Your unconditional love. 

Thank You for saving me. 

The best part is your promise that the best is yet to come. 

Allow me, my husband, my familly, my friends and all the people that I love to continue to be a witness of Your benevolence this coming 2014. Please continue to shower us with your blessings and graces. 

I offer my 2014 to You. May I do good things to others in Your name. 

Thank you, Lord. 

Happy New Year. Please continue to be with me in the coming years. 

In Jesus Christ's name. Amen. 

Jeremiah 29:11

Christmas morning

Christmas mornings are THE BEST!!!

I can wake up late. 

I wake up with my entire family in the house. As soon as I enter the living room, I smell the waft of piping hot chocolate and Mom's classic spaghetti meat sauce being warmed on the kitchen stove. 

The entire house is just really crazy - Abbygale shouting, playing and running around, conversations among the oldies - my Mom, my Dad and Yayay Cita. 

One word to describe everything: BLISS. 

The holiday season used to make me sad. 

Not anymore. 

I have no reason to be. 

JC has blessed me so much. There's just so many things to be thankful for. 

My family. Skye. My friends. My career. Everything in my life just fits all perfectly for me. 

Today, it's JC's birthday. Ironically, He's the one who gave me a plenitude of gifts. 

Christmas. 

I now love Christmas. =) 

Tiis-ganda: When hard work pays off

I have not been drinking a lot for the past 2 months now. I've stayed away from alchy as much as I can. 

No more binge-drinking, drunk driving and Prive' party nights. 

All for the love of better health...and fabulous prenup photos. 

I liked our Jakarta prenup shots in August but I felt like my arms there were humongous. My legs were pamalo ng dalag and I had double chin. 

I work out regularly and I try to eat healthy. 

My nemesis is really my alcohol intake. 

As such, I made a resolve to shun alcohol as much as I can. And if I can't, I made an effort to drink moderately. 

What used to be a bottle of wine over dinner became 1-2 glasses for me. An all-you-can drink mojito night is ROI'd by just 2 glasses. 

IT WAS A LOT OF SACRIFICE, considering that my stress-buster means cocktails or wine nights at Barcino with my ladies. And yes, Barcino has missed me so much for the past 4 months. 

Lo and behold, the hard work paid off. 

I'm happy with the results of our Manila prenup shoot. And I feel less guilty. 

No more binge drinking! 

And I will actually add that to my 2014 resolutions. 

=) 

Getting rid of unneccessary stress

Seriously, on a great Friday...

I DON'T NEED IT. 

I don't want to fuss over the small things. 
I don't want to be bothered by the trite and the trivial that can possibly irritate me. 

My schedule is full to the brim. It's mid-December and I've spent most of the time running around for errands. I know this will be the case until February, so as much as I possibly can, I need to just learn to let go. 

Don't sweat the small stuff. 

Repeat. 

DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.

Repeat until it sinks in. 

The gift of time

Time. 

I need more time.

15 days before Christmas. 

2 months before the wedding. 

I need more than 24 hours in a day. 

So help me God. 


 

Chronicles of the Dude Bestie

I was actually surprised that he texted and called me when he was in Davao. It was an SOS call - something that I rarely get from Ian. The one and the only dude bestie.

Heck, I think the last time that we were on this mode was when we were both in the university. 

Apparently, he's into this love affair that's either on the cusp of falling apart or of turning into something really serious. 

Who else to call but the lone girl bestfriend, right? 

Riiiiiiiight. 

As if I have the moral ascendancy to give advice on love issues. I was in a series of roller coaster rides before I decided to finally tie the cliche' knot [more on the knot story in a separate blog]. 

How can be a girl twice engaged suddenly become the love doctor when she doesn't even know what she's doing half of the time when it comes to romantic relationships?

In any case, it was definitely an SOS. Ian wanted to see me for dinner on the same week. I was on house arrest for 2 days and I had a Catholic conference the entire weekend [yes, it seems off from the personality but I'm definitely church-active], we had to settle for an early Saturday night dinner. I had to be back at the conference by 9am on Sunday morning. 

The early Saturday night dinner ended at 2 in the morning the next day. We had so much to talk about that we didn't even notice the time and the fact that we actually had one too many to drink. 

Ian was never the super-emo type. Angsty, yes. Emo, not really. Thus, my surprise when he called me to talk about a heart issue. It wasn't anything catastrophic. The storyline wasn't even something that had novelty in it. But the issue is something that we all face at some point in our lives. 

Do we choose to love someone and stay with the person that might not exactly share the same future we want and the same values?

Not to patronize my guy bestie, but I honestly thing he has the one up in this game, but he has one point that makes sense. He's tired of the game. He wants something solid. Steady. I do understand the sentiment. 

At some point, don't we all want the same thing? 

Despite the issues we talked about, we actually both enjoyed the night. 

There is really this certain degree of comfort when you are with someone who has known you your whole life. 

Ian forgets my birthday. It never fails. Every year, he does. I'd get a call several weeks after from him, with the same stupid question that he asks, "Dude, was it your birthday?" 

But then again, it is that same degree of comfort that we have with each other that assures me I can call him anytime --- and he will always be there.

The roller coaster ride...

...has just begun. 

Here we go. 

What dreams may come

I'm writing about this a few days late, but I thought it was blog-worthy, nonetheless. 

I dreamt about you a few nights ago. 

It had such a massive impact on me that I woke up with tears streaming down my face. My pillow was wet with tears. 'Took that as a sign that I was crying for some time before I actually woke up.

I dreamt that we were going to attend this formal evening ball together but you decided that you did not want to go with me. Yes, in my dream, we were still together. I was convincing you to go with me to the party but you insisted - being the usual hard-headed that you are - to go without me because you had other plans. I wasn't sure if you were going with someone else, but the rejection broke me. 

That being said, I decided to go to the ball with another girlfriend. 

En route to the ball, amidst the crowd, I actually saw you about to enter the grand ballroom. 

There you are, dapper in your gray suit and dark blue tie. You were looking around. You were alone. You were maneuvering your way through the sea of people, with your neck sticking out like you were looking for something or someone. 

A few minutes passed by and you were still by yourself. But you were alone. You went to the party on your own.

In a few milliseconds, I felt relieved to not see you with anyone. But that relief was quickly overtaken by grief, by a deep remorse that I felt in my core. 

In my dreams, tears were rolling down my cheeks because I felt sad that you were by yourself. In my head, there was a stream of questions. 

Who will take care of you? Who will entertain you in the party? Will you be okay? 

I wanted to run after you to be there. 

But truth of the matter is, you decided to fly solo. 

When I woke up, I was still crying. My chest was still heavy. 

There you were. You were the one who left. But here I am, worrying about you - who will be there for you, who will be there with you, who will take care of you.

And someday, somehow, it will pain me to know that there is someone. But with the pain comes the gladness in my heart that someone is looking after you. 

Your happiness, after all, is what I truly wish for. 

Clarity

I don't normally post lyrics of songs but I'm making an exception. 
This song has been haunting me and is so far my longest-running LSS. 

Clarity
 
High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life
Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time
Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends
A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

Walk on through a red parade and refuse to make amends
It cuts deep through our ground and makes us forget all common sense
Don't speak as I try to leave 'cause we both know what we'll choose
If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

Why are you my clarity?
Why are you my remedy?
Why are you my clarity?
Why are you my remedy?

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

July

First of July.  

Time flies by so fast.

July, you're going to be phenomenal!!!

Game on! 

=)

 

Overwhelmed

Today, I want to be overwhelmed. 

That's just how I feel. 

I want to fly off from the solid earth where my feet are currently planted. 

  

Fights

Not a fan.

Emotionally draining. Strangely physically taxing, too. 

Fights. 

I hate it.