Thanks for the quote, Lavque:

"I have learned to seek my happiness by limiting my desires, rather than in attempting to satisfy them."

- John Stuart Mill


No wonder The Temptress feels bound. I think I am in her shoes right now, though I would never dare admit it to her. But what if you consider everything - your dreams, plans and ambitions as your desires? How would you restrain yourself from getting them?

I woke up sobbing from a bad dream this morning. In my dream, I wanted to become the first woman pilot ever. I was crying because this ambition never materialized for me. I felt the frustration in my bones. I wanted to break free and do what I want to do, live my dreams and make them my reality.

Over a cup of coffee I was contemplating - this dream was a blatant manifestation of what I want to do, and that at this moment, I am bound by a lot of reasons and limitations that prevent me from doing what I want.

It was a validation that indeed, I want to be somewhere else, doing something different. And I feel that I stopped living life because I am trapped with limited choices. Right now all I can do is make the most out of things. And wait.

If this is the way for me to inculcate patience as one of my virtues then I would gladly accept what fate has brought me. I will give it some time if this passivity would work for me. Otherwise, I would risk and give it a go.

Until then, I would have to accept that I am not the first woman pilot.