Unsettling

“I sure hope there’s something better for us. Here we are, fab women, who I think are ready and have the life skills to make good partners and create a loving environment, but for some reason, we don’t have the one person to share our lives with.”

This is the text that I got from one of my Magic 5, Celia.

I was in the middle of a meeting when we started texting each other. Celia dropped me some lines that she’s back in Kuala Lumpur. Too bad we didn’t get the chance to have dinner and indulge ourselves in our usual nice, long, waxing philosophical conversations.

I felt sad when I read her message. Actually, right smack in the middle of a stressful update meeting, I felt a lump in my throat building up.

She’s right.

Here we are – wonderful, smart, fabulous women who have their own career and money, who know how to cook, prepare a wonderful dinner and entertain guests with animated conversations – yet we don’t have that one person to share and witness our lives.

What the hell is wrong in our world?

Actually, I can answer that myself.

It’s not that there isn’t anybody there. There are a lot of options, but the more important issue is – how to choose the right one.

The One – is hard to find.

The passion, the connection – all in the realm of the intellectual, the emotional and the physical – are just really difficult to fabricate. If it is not there, then it really isn’t.

Both Celia and I will not settle. Not for anything less.

And both she and I know that.

On my end, I am still in search for that passion.

I don’t want to be with someone who just likes me too much. I just don’t want to be adored. I want to be loved. Cared for. Looked after. In the way that I will love and care for the person.

I want a witness to my life. I want to be a witness to his or her life.

I want honest mornings. Comfortable togetherness. Passionate kisses.

I want it all.

I may do things differently in finding The One. Love me or hate me for it. But I’m taking my chances.

I will not settle.

I want it all.