Faith. Losing It and Gaining It Back… Eventually

“It is important to accept one’s passions, and not to lose one’s enthusiasm for conquests. They are part of life, and bring joy to all who participate in them. The warrior of light never loses sight of what endures, nor of bonds forged over time. He knows how to distinguish between the transient and the enduring. There comes a moment, however, when his passions suddenly disappear.

Despite all his knowledge, he allows himself to be overwhelmed by despair: from one moment to the next, his faith is not what it was, things do not happen as he dreamed they would, tragedies occur in unfair and unexpected way, and he begins to believe that his prayers are not being heeded. He continues to pray and to attend religious services, but he cannot deceive himself; his heart does not respond as it once did, and the words seem meaningless.

At such moment, there is only one possible path to follow: keep practising. Say your prayers out of duty or fear, or for some other reason, but keep praying. Keep on, even if all seems in vain.”

The Warrior and Faith
Like the Flowing River
Paulo Coelho

This is me – who I am – at the moment. It’s perfectly written.

Friends know me as passion personified. I am comfortable chasing after the stars without having to bother about what others think. It’s my happiness, not theirs. My own personal legend.

Right now, I just live in the moment. No past, no future --- not mindful of consequences, not wanting to remember the hurt inflicted.

I lost my faith. I never imagined myself to be without something and someone I thought I cannot live without and will die without. Yet here I am.

A few scratches, bumps and bruises yet still alive.

That’s what scares me – the realization that I can live without it.

Am I losing my faith?

It’s a pity – that to find myself again, I need to lose someone.

How this will end - the answers evade me.

Allow me this respite – this comfortable silence, this rare chance of just being here – living the moment as what it is – only a moment.

Until then I will keep on praying - no matter how merely ceremonial it just is.

Until faith... and hope... both return.