Of stalkers, flowers and homosexuality
in response to ramit's post

Please allow me to indulge in my very favorite capital sin - vanity - as I write a reply to one posting on my message board.

Wow! I can't believe some people are reading my blog. I never thought some would consider it interesting, as I tend to bore myself at times.

Thanks for the post, ramit. You might want to tell me your blogger, if you have any so I can pry into it as well. I value fairness, you know. Hehe.

The message board wasn't really my idea. It was Jovan's. My blogger was spawned by selfish reasons - to talk about myself, rant and rave about things, write about thoughts that might get me in trouble when spoken or written offline. Reading reactions to what I write wasn't really part of the plan. Not that I don't care about what others think. I don't want my opinion to be tainted by others', most specially regarding things I hold sacred. Yes, I am that stubborn and opinionated.

Reading my blog isn’t synonymous to stalking, ramit. Perhaps it would help me track our common friends if you tell me who they are. Were you talking about Camille – as in Littlefoot’s friend?

I’m tempted to ask you – ASL please? Hahaha. But the question is so 1990s. It wouldn’t be fair as well since you only know me from my postings.

As for the flowers, I don’t mind receiving them but I’d appreciate it more if it were a book, a pack of cigarettes or gift certificates from my favorite boutiques. Hee-hee. I don’t mind giving flowers, though. I am generous in that regard – mixed colors for friends, red for lovers, and white for those I love.

Being bisexual has given me both pleasure and pain, to put it simply. I don’t really like referring to myself as one. I think I am a repressed lesbian [Hahaha. Good thing The Boyfriend doesn’t read my blog!], in the sense that I am more inclined to get attracted to women but for now I chose the heterosexual path. It is safer, more grounded and less complicated. Call me a coward for my choice, but it does work for me.

My Temptress referred to it as love transcending gender. I believe so, too, but some might assail me from glorifying it. I speak only for myself. I am out with my family, to my best friends, The Boyfriend and some officemates.

Yes, my attraction for women landed me in trouble. In high school I was almost stripped off of my honors because of it. My former lover’s mother literally tried to exorcise us – thinking that we were possessed by demons. Damn hypocrites.

Perhaps the bottomline for me was acceptance. I am not a lesbian or a bisexual – I am a woman who has made my own definitions. And a woman, who admittedly is in the middle of living life and learning from it.

Life is not a popularity contest. If you strive to be popular to everyone, you would end up feeling miserable and incomplete. As long as you don’t step on people’s toes, whatever people say shouldn’t really cause you sleepless nights.