Email dept.

Let's go UP coño-bashing!


Tales from the Coño Side
By Wanna Fellacio Torero


It's so hirap talaga to study in UP, the University of the Poor. You know, I never wanted to study here. But my parents kasi, they both went to UP and they said na it was the best school talaga. Eh 'di I went.


But no! When I got here, Holy horrors! I was ready to make himatay after the first day pa lang. Would you believe, there's no aircon na nga in the classrooms, the fan doesn't work pa. And then this guy who was like, wearing a sando, shorts and tsinelas lang made tabi next to me. He made pakilala pa! The nerve! So I made takbo to the CR to make tago. But I couldn't make hugas my hands that were so pawis from escaping such a near-death experience. There was no liquid soap! Not even a couch where
I could sit to make kikay.

Do you feel my pain na ba? But wait, there's more. Last Thursday kasi Daddy's Volvo was bawal, eh the Eclipse was being repaired, so I had to make sakay with my yaya in the Ikot jeep. It was so siksik! I could like, smell the putok of the girl next to me. Like, it was sobrang mabaho talaga. Kasi naman, the Ikot jeeps are old na nga, they're mainit pa! Sana they make palit na the jeeps with a shuttle system. Okey lang naman even if there's an increase in pamasahe 'di ba? So when the car is bawal, I can use my credit card na to make bayad.

Isa pa, you know the Shopping Center? It's so kadiri talaga. I'm forced na nga to make Xerox there, (as if naman I could be caught in that place otherwise) pero I'm so inis because it's so maliit and madilim, and most of the stalls don't have aircon. They should tear it down na and build a mall na lang. Then I wouldn't have to go to Katipunan pa to get my Starbucks fix.

My gosh, this place is so bulok I don't know nga why anyone would bother making turo here pa. Just yesterday, my professor was kinda inis kasi her whiteboard marker had no more tinta! Then she tried to make hanap a matino whiteboard marker but of course there was none. Duh! Kasi naman if we had laptops instead of desks in every classroom there would be no more need for whiteboards diba? But you know evevn if there were laptops na, the seats are so tigas sometimes I find it mahirap to concentrate.
Dapat may cushioning para malambot sa butt, like Downy.

Now I'm in my third year na. I don't want to stay in this place anymore. I don't give a paki if UP's the best university here. I'm going to transfer to La Salle, where the CRs have liquid soap. Now na.