It’s about time!

I was too dazed and confused (how cliché-ish can I be!?!?) to write about anything. Add to that the monstrous to-dos and paperwork piled up on my desk.

Yeah, yeah. Excuses, excuses. Two weeks of not blogging. At least it’s not a month!


He came, he saw and he conquered

So what’s the hoolabaloo in that emotional blah – manic-depressive, to say the least – as reflected in the most recent entries?

Hello? Ano pa ba? What’s news and what friggin’ gives?

The Buddy.

Drum roll, please.

Finally!

He arrived.

The usual routine: He called me an hour after his plane touched down in Manila to inform me he’s back. Of course it was a consensus: We have to see each other.

It was my first day in Nasugbu, Batangas when I got his call. I was regretting that I joined the junket going there rather than bringing my car. I wanted to head back to Manila as soon as my talk in the conference was over so I can see him.

We saw each other the following week.

The lowdown?

Some friends thought I’d be goo-goo eyed and lovestruck. I thought so myself. But when I saw him – it was a warm, flushed, comforting feeling. I was just so glad to see him. I hugged him the moment I sat down on the passenger seat of his car. It just felt so good to see him again. It was just like I saw him days ago.

There was confirmation about everything. No more “dudes” or “pares.” There was something between us. Whatever “spark” our friends and other people saw when we’re together – it’s just there. It only needed acknowledgment.

But this time – there wasn’t anyone around. We’re alone. No officemates. No former CEO. No teasing or cajoling. No “Uuuy, yiheeee. Bagay kayo.”

This time, it’s US who will check things out. It’s us who will know.

It’s there. It’s been there the whole time.

So what now? What’s going to happen after the confirmation?

Eh, di wala.

Like what I expected, it was just something that we both needed to know and confirm. Yes, there is attraction between us but with both our feet on the ground, we both know this isn’t going anywhere.

He will be gone for two years. He wants me to fly to where he is. Pero hindi naman ako tanga na maglulustay ng tatlong libong dolyares para sa isang bagay na malabo.

We both want a sequel. But there is nothing on the table. Nothing was offered because we both know we can’t and we’re both not sure. The circumstance didn’t give us a chance to actually find out. It only allowed us to know and acknowledge how we feel.

Baduy na ending? Bitin?

Perhaps for some who wanted a happy ending for me and him (because either they’re my friends or our common friends) and for those who wanted me to have a tragic one with an in-my-face reality check that I was just dreaming the whole time (these are prob’ly those who had grudges and who wanted me to fall flat on my face.). Bitin nga.

Admittedly, bitin for me. But who said life is fair and I can have everything I want?

Nevertheless, I found the more important bottomline.

Despite the 2-week roller-coaster ride with matching honeymoon period, fights, disappointments, frustrations, crying bouts, redemption and making up (yes, all in two-weeks time!), I am now more than ever, certain:

I love The Buddy. I am not goo-goo sappy in love with him. I love him as a person. As a best friend. As someone who will always be a part of me. In a convoluted way, he is a romantic desire, an alter ago, a brother, a best friend all rolled into one.

There’s no happy ending, since nothing has ended yet.

But it’s happy.