The exquisite pain of romance

Last night, I caught one of Sex and the City’s season 2 episodes on HBO. This was the episode where Big and Carrie broke up because Big will move to Paris for work – without consulting Carrie.

Carrie said she will move to Paris with him, but Big said she should move not for him – but for herself.

Why on earth will Carrie leave New York for Paris if not for Big???

Why on earth will I even consider moving to Hong Kong with the language barrier and snooty salespeople if not for R???

Issues sounding way too familiar?

Wait until you hear the Carrie-Big exchanges:

Mr. Big: This isn't about us. This is about work!

Carrie: No, this isn't about work. This is about us getting closer and you getting so freaked out that you have to put an ocean between us.

Carrie: Why is it so hard for you to factor me into your life in any real way?

Mr Big: I guess old habits die hard.

I found myself texting R. about what I was watching. ‘Turned out he was watching, too.

The banter went on and on. R. asked me – how many times did they break up?

I quipped: “Several times. Just like us.”

How many times did I ever find myself in the same situation? R. going to Canada and telling me at the very last minute. Me being kept at bay when things became too emotionally involved.

Everything’s just way too close. The episode struck an extremely sensitive cord.

In all of Carrie’s lamenting, she said the words that I have been asking myself as of late:

Why am I running after the excruciating pain of romance? Why do I keep running after what is elusive?

In Carrie’s exact words:

Carrie: After we made love I knew it was over. Did I ever really love Big or was I addicted to the pain, the exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable?

I guess I’m both. I loved R. and I was addicted to the exquisite albeit excruciating pain of wanting someone unattainable.

After the episode, R. called me to say good night.

And I was sleepless until 3am.