More than just a show

Last night, I watched Live AIDS with myGlobe officemates. Not everyone was from UP but there are very minimal requisites to appreciate Live AIDS:

1. love of fun
2. appreciation of gay sense of humor
3. a bit of knowledge of gay-speak and culture C TV and radio ads

I wasn't surprised to see UP Masscomm batchmates and friends onstage. A lot of the guys from my course were members of Samaskom.

So we cheered friends and showed moral support by being a cordial and lively audience.

On my part, it was sort of a relief to see old faces. And I did have some sense of pride that these people have already come so far in terms of their career, yet still know how to look back and support "homemade" activities.

And I realized why I always feel comforted when I attend shows and concerts in the university. It's a simple reminder for me of how we were raised back in college, how we dreamt of things, how we envisioned what was supposed to be ideal.

I was never part of the "tibak" community, but I did subscribe to most of the UP ideals - to loathe mediocrity, to consider life as an endless educational stint [thus the encouragement for all of us to pursue graduate and post-graduate studies, law or med school], to maintain the passion despite the complacency that we tend to get used to when we are already out there.

I'm glad that I didn't miss out on this year's Live AIDS. To see old friends. To breathe the old UP air.

It was a very simple reminder for me to continue questioning truths, despise the lack of vigor, to re-ignite my passion and what I used to believe in.

I didn't stop believing. I just had to be reminded to do so, once again.

Turning British, I really think so

Because of Big, I now:

1. Visit Yahoo UK regularly.

2. Read about UK politics, including:
- Tony Blair
- the European Union

3. Watch Star News to get updated on the London bombings and who won the rugby.

4. Keep watch of what's happening with Prince Charles, Camilla Parker Bowles, Prince William and the rest of the Monarchy.

5. Say the following words:
- trousers when I mean pants
- bloke when referring to guys
- bloody hell instead of whadafuck
- fag instead of cigarette

NOT because I want to turn Brit, but because we do talk about these things. And I both need and want to know.


Turning Pinoy, oh yes, I think so!

1. He likes San Miguel Pale Pilsen. Among all the kinds of beer ALL OVER THE WORLD.

2. He craves for crunchy sisig.

3. He now reads and watches CNN News to know the ruckus about the Gloriagate scandal and when GMA will declare a last-minute work holiday again.

4. He is learning how to send long text messages and can now tolerate lengthy SMS exchanges.

5. He closes his email with "Ingat ka."

:-)

Happy.

Recovering the lost

Dear God,

Now that I realized the importance of something that I took for granted for a long time, can I please have it back?

"Fab is not for me."

I greeted him, "Have a fab Sunday."

And the reply that I got: "A nice Sunday will be fine. Fab is not for me."

How did you know that it isn't? You haven't even tried.

Or if you did, perhaps you didn't try hard enough?

How can you say I didn't and couldn't compromise?

I wanted to throw everything in your face. I tried hard. I compromised. I did. If you think I didn't appreciate your effort - then how come you didn't notice mine?

How can you say fab is not for you? And how can you just realize it wasn't - after almost four years of having it?

The English translation of it:

"A nice, simple girl will be fine. A high-maintenance biatche' like you is not for me."

Lookie!

Where I stayed in Singapore.

Big's apartment

How nice to cuddle on that big black sofa!



My morning sunshine room

The sun wakes me up every morning.

Before I left, I had to take a last look at my room while I'm looking forward to returning very, very soon.



View outside my room

Hills Apartment, Hills Avenue near Bukit Timah


Pool for 2

When you look down my glass window, you can already see the pool.



Can you blame me for wanting to stay longer? Or for not wanting to leave at all?

Gross violation

Exactly 2 months...

...of not blogging.

I know! I know!

I'm so sorry. I have no valid excuse.

Blogger screwed up my message boards. One day - they were gone. All your messages for me that accumulated all these years. Gone!

Then the work sched was too much.

Flew to Singapore.

Met Big.

Yes. My Big.

Sincerest apologies - I don't practice what I preach - to keep content fresh. To never announce that a site is under construction.

But folks, my blog is currently being "renovated." As I'm not left with much choice that I've gone through my old html codes but can't figure out WHYDAF%&# my message boards disappeared.

Does this blogger even have an audience still?

Anyway - thank you for those who sent email and for those who perennially bugged me to "Hey, update your friggin' blog or I'm taking you out of my blog circle!!!"

EJ, Bitchina is up and running once again.

Standby for Singapore pix and more chica, sound-offs and what-have-wes.

Just one of 'em days...

When I just want to go home
lock myself in my apartment
and brood incessantly
drown myself with sauvignon blanc.

Don't cross my path today.

Making it up

Finally, I can blog in peace!

Almost a month now in the new company, work has been up to my ears already! I have been working 12 hours per day on the average – what with expanded tasks and more responsibilities. ‘Couldn’t rant much, though. They know how to take care of their people.

In fact, we were even given additional days-off. When a public holiday falls on a weekend, the company gives us an additional day off that we can avail of within the month.

Within three weeks they also gave me a mid-year bonus. Who am I to complain, right?

They also gave me a new laptop – with all the gizmos that I want in it – multiple card reader, blue tooth, WiFi, a humongous internal hard drive, VCD-DVD player and burner!

Beautiful!


Crazy

Call me crazy. I don’t really care.

I am flying to Singapore in June.

To meet up with Big.

For a date.

He invited me to go with him and shop since it’s going to be the Great Singapore Sale from May 27-July 18. But the GSS is just really an excuse for me to go. Yes, I love Zara and I’ve been eyeing this particularly nice dress but that’s not really the point why I want to go.

I want to check things out.

I’ve never seen him in a romantic light since our context and interfaces before have always been connected to work.

But we’ve been talking and I sense a really very strong connection and rapport. So if I feel there’s something when we see each other – well and good. If there’s none, then I was still able to go to Singapore for the sale and have actually won a new fabulous friend who will let me stay in his apartment when I come and visit for trips!

It’s a win-win situation so I’m totally for it.

To make things more fun, Celia will be flying with me. We intend to raid the stores for the sale, go to the night safari and have a wonderful night of cocktails and clubbing!

I already booked my flight this week and asked Romy to give me a 2-day break – even if I have to slave for it for the next coming weeks. I don’t care if he makes me go to work even on Saturdays. I just need to go to Singapore in June!

So please walang kokontra. I really want this for myself.


Whatever happened to Him?

As for Him – the friend. A week before “the Big incident,” he somehow crashed into some sort of depression. [thought bubble: What’s with me and men? Why do I make them get depressed!?!?!]

I was trying to help him get through it – not as a potential girlfriend – but as a sincere friend who’d like to return the favor of being there for him as he was with me during my crisis.

However, he wanted to deal with it on his own. We both decided that he’s not ready and we can’t even contemplate on carrying on a romantic relationship. So we ended up where we used to be – good friends.

I had to take Jovan’s advice on this. He was brutally frank about it. But the advice was wise, sincere and practical. And the right thing to do.

The new Big

For being consistent...

For not being complacent...

For comparing me to Chanel...

For telling me not to compromise...

For saying that being high-maintenance isn't exactly bad...

For trying to find a phone card and a phone booth in Hokkaido - by merely using sign language since nobody speaks English - just to call me to say you can't email because your hotel doesn't have Internet access...

For trying to email me everyday - in between flights from Seoul to KL...

For making me look forward to June...

For making me look forward to everyday...

Thanks.

Surviving the first two weeks

I am now officially with the new company.

Better office, better team, better everything.

Work is hard, though. Everyone there works 12 hours on the average per day. But I cannot complain. Although there are gazillions of projects, the teammates are very supportive. They make sure I fit in. They also console me that everyone went through the same thing and felt overwhelmed during their first two months.

At least, I have less emotional stress. My boss is a good friend and a natural cheerleader to his people.

So bring it on! Let’s make great things possible.


DOM magnet

Romy introduced me to my girl teammates as the one who has this fantastic ability to attract men in their late 40s and early 50s.

Our former boss in Malacanang almost propositioned me to have an affair with him. He would invite me for dinner or drinks, but I always politely declined.

When I was still with EYP and I had to test some applications in Powerbooks, Pasay Road, I received 5 bizcards – all from DOMs! There was even one guy who removed his wedding ring before he approached me. All the 5 who gave me their cards invited me for dinner.

Helloooow!

I am slowly realizing that I have two markets: 1. good guys – too good that they are likely to be square and 2. men in their 40s or 50s, single, married or divorced.

My market no. 2 are not all DOMs, though.

Very recently, I had dinner again with one of the regional head honchos from my previous job. British, divorced, in the 40s or 50s age range. It started as a casual dinner with friends and former officemates. It was very polite and cordial.

The night ended with a text message from him thanking me for having dinner with him and seeing him again. I responded politely.

I was surprised to find, in the following Monday, an email from him in my inbox. I never gave him my email address, but he said he got it from one of the documents that came from my former PR Officer. The email was lengthy – discussing what happened to him after his visit in Manila and his trip back to Singapore.

We have been exchanging emails from then until now. I’m quite surprised that he goes out of his way to send me long emails despite his parties, visits from one country to another and the long hours he devotes to work.

Whether I am interested or not is something that I have yet put my finger at. The fact that I’m writing about it maybe an early indication that I am.

Let’s see.

Un Momento

One moment of peace and quiet. Manila is so serene during the Holy Week.

For two consecutive years, I spent the Holy Week in Lucena with The X. Spending it in Manila now is something I welcome.

I had all the time to gather my thoughts to do some writing, watch all the movies I like on video, be with my Mom and Grandma and just stay home to vegetate.

Soooo good. I wish I could extend the Holy Week break. Though I'm excited to move on to THE new company and work with my new team. Woohoo!


Him

It woke my blogger up - what with the messages posted by friends about the Good Ol' Friend. Chegay, yep that's him.

Nothing is concrete yet, though. I don't want to be unfair so it's better to take things a wee bit slower this time.

Which reminds me, I need to pack after blogging. We're spending the weekend together to get some tan under the sun!


The Buddy in Afghanistan

Spoke to The Buddy this afternoon. He is bound to be flown in to Afghanistan. He was somewhere in Kyrgyzstan - you know - one of those "tan" countries (Uzbekiztan, Tajikistan, Kazakhstan) which were all difficult to pronounce.

I wasn't as worried as before. Late last year, I was freaking out that he will be deployed in Iraq or Afghanistan for his tour of duty. I decided not to be a damsel in distress over a knight in shining armor trying to save the world from the Taliban. Plus, I realized, I wasn't gonna subject myself to the agony of being his stopover girlfriend. I'm just not into that.

We're still good friends. I still love him... a lot. And we will always, always be good friends. But if it wasn't meant to be, then I'm really not gonna force it.

Who knows what could happen, though? So what's best right now is send him a care package and support the US troops in the Mid East!

Friday coming out and staying in

Okay fine. I'm coming out and coming clean.

Yes - I'm going out with The Good 'Ol Friend. For my ABS friends, yep - that's him. Most of our friends from the same circle were actually quite surprised. Both Jovan and Yasmine think it's a weird match. That was actually a euphemism and an understatement.

We are so from the opposite sides of the world.

He's too quiet, I'm too loud. I'm a party butterfly, he's a wallflower. He's structured, I'm spontaneous. I'm impulsive, he's calculating.

He's too conservative and I'm...I'm...duh...conservative and I will never be in the same sentence (except this one).

Yeah, yeah. I know friends think it's crazy. Maybe it is.

But I like it...

...that he's still four inches taller than me even if I'm wearing stilettos.

...that it doesn't matter to him that he needs to drive for 2-3 hours because I want to go to the beach. And despite his hip injury now he still wants to do this for me.

...that he researched about the annual hot air balloon festival because he knew it was my dream. And he actually took me there.

...that he drove to my office before going to work (despite the horrendous traffic and despite the fact that he's already running late) just to give me KFC for lunch because our cafeteria is being renovated.

...that last night, he bought me that acoustic CD that I liked to make me feel better because I was upset about something really so trivial.

...that he takes good care of me.

I'm not really sure where this is going, but perhaps it's about time for me to actually admit that yeah, I do like him.

And like... is another understatement.

So there. It's out. Whew.

It feels nice to come out. And stay indoors on a Friday for a cozy night and movie marathon.

I guess Emer saw this one coming.

Yummy Spring-Summer must-haves

The joys of looking forward to a new job...

...includes window-shopping and eventually buying new outfits!

These are my fave eye candies and Spring-Summer I-gotta-have-'em stuff:

1. Ericsson p910i - a mobile phone and PDA in one. It looked so good! 'Saw this in a friend's mobile phone warehouse.



2. Gap khaki jacket - will go well with my pink undershirts. Lovely!



3. Kenneth Cole blue faux croc leather shoes - open-toes for the spring-summer. These will look good with denim or office pants. But local Kenneth Cole shop doesn't have these yet. Asar!



4. Kenneth Cole orange satchel suede bag - it's so nice to look at. But Robbie, my new PR, is discouraging me from buying it. Aside from the bag being $270, it's suede. Good luck in cleaning it!



Sigh. These are really fantabulous items. But sheesh - I can't afford them right now, though I think I'm going to invest in that Kenneth Cole shoes should I see them being sold locally already. As for the mobile phone - I'm hoping I can get this baby for free.

Breaking the silence

I haven’t written anything for the past month.

Not that there wasn’t anything significant that happened. Truth is, I was working on another major life decision and I didn’t have the liberty to discuss it until everything was finalized.

Yep, I didn’t want to preempt anything. Thus, the code of silence until it was very definite and there was already something concrete on the table.

So…

Finally, I am moving on to another company. I will be starting with them in April – woohoo!

It’s exciting since I’m going back to the industry I love and I will be doing things I was doing before I got into cosmetics and beauty (not that I didn’t like make-up and all the pampering of beauty products). The company I will be in is very stable and formidable – one of the top 5, in fact.

I will miss my discounted make-up, clothes, bags and kikay stuff. I’ll definitely miss my press launches, events and wonderful media friends.

But I’m definitely looking forward to a new mobile phone and most likely a new car (it’s part of my benefits package but I’m having second thoughts on getting a new car since Anita – my ever-reliable City – has a strong sentimental value).

Goodbye to the glamorous yet stressful life of being a marketing and PR lady.

Hello to a familiar yet competitive and also oh-so toxic IT and telecom career.

The geek girl is back!

One honest morning

It's a humbling experience.

To feel, to realize and to admit - that there are mornings - no matter how good they are, that I still miss you.

And I wonder - how are you now? How's life been treating you?

It's tempting to wish for someone or something back. Or to just want things to be the same again.

But I know this isn't for me. It shouldn't be.

So for both of us --- cheers.

I wish for both of us to be happy. To heal.

I wish for you to find The One. In time.

May she look at you and see you in the way I saw and found you a few years back.

Basic Instinct

Isn't love and intimacy instinctual?

To hold someone's hand. To embrace. To kiss.

To long for someone.

I always thought it was a primordial instinct.

The past few days and the recent experiences proved me wrong.

What's elementary to most people might be an unfamiliar terrain to some.

Talk about critical differences.

My Interstate 77

Two Saturdays ago, I had another red wine and movie night with friends in my apartment. Bobby lent me his disk of Interstate 60 – starring James Marsden and Gary Oldman.

It was a story about this young guy – James Marsden – who was confused about his future. This took him on a road trip heading to Interstate 60 – which apparently doesn’t exist on any map. From there, he had to make decisions crucial to finding his path.

The treatment of the movie was humorous and weird. But we all kinda related to it.

Come to think of it, all of my friends who I just recently had dinner or coffee with are all asking questions with the same bottomline: Where is my life leading to?

Where is my job, my relationship, my life going?

As this new year started, I was amazed and awed by the decisions I am forced to do. And get this – everything is happening to me all at the same time!

a. Current job with a lot of training, travel perks and brand exposure versus a job offer in the making, with higher pay, no Saturday work and with my old mentor as my boss.

b. Staying in my apartment that I furnished on my own versus moving to a bigger, cozier apartment with a good friend.

c. Waiting for The Ex to come to his senses or starting a new relationship with a long-time friend whom I’m starting to be “in like” with.

I have to make decisions very soon, but all the options are good.

Seems like I am at a crossroads again. Welcome to my own Interstate 77.

2005 Goals – Attainable or Unattainable


1. Find The One.
All things being considered, I realized I never prayed for this. I’ve always prayed for a successful career, or a happy family – but never to find The One I will fall in love with.

2. Seriously go back to school in June.
I don’t have to take on a full load. I just need to go back to school. Not to mention passing my subjects once again with flying colors.

3. Travel. And more travel out of the country.
Singapore again? Thailand? Bali? Doesn’t matter. I don’t care. I just need to get out of the country more often.

4. Hit the beach more frequently.
I love the sand. Doesn’t it just feel great to drink wine, smoke cigarettes and get so wasted while lying on the sand? When everyone else is woozy after the alcohol takes its effect, it’s just so nice to stare at the stars. And I’m off to the beach this weekend, woohoo!

Boracay in June. Bora, here I come!

5. More coffee sessions and long lunches with friends.
I am so proud of myself last year for being able to touch base again with a lot of friends – especially my college buddies. I intend to do the same thing this year.

6. Hot air balloon ride at Clark Field, Pampanga.
Dang, didn’t make this happen last year.

7. Replenish my savings.
I don’t know how I’d do this now that I’m taking care of Anita – my new car and Fed’s replacement. There’s just so many stuff to maintain! But having Anita is so much better than hailing a cab.

8. Wake up at 6am every morning.
So I won’t be late for work. So I have time to do my morning rituals. So I don’t have to go through the EDSA traffic now that it’s being repaired!

9. Go for the gold at work.
More kick-ass projects and brighter ideas for my Marketing team! Hell, this is one of the sure-fire ways for the regional office to take notice and eventually pirate me – hwehehehe.

10. Live life.
Elephant rides. Movies. Holding a friend’s hand. Doing something scary and nerve-wracking every now and then. Stop procrastinating. Run after that “high” and rush in everything that I do.

11. Kinder words. Kinder deeds.
Less of being a bitch – if I can help it. More patience. More random acts of kindness. Helping more, reaching out more often.

12. Being friends with The Ex.
Hard to admit, but despite all that were said and done – we were good together. And we were friends. It would be a shame if we’d end up like strangers when we shared so much.

I have other to-dos that are in my head right now, like living healthier, keeping promises, spending more time with my family, trying not to sweat the small stuff, attending to the more important and more significant things. My list could go on… and on… and on…

I guess, the bottomline is simple: outdoing myself. Doing better this year compared to 2004. And the perennial pursuit of the ever-elusive goal and desire of any human being walking this planet: happiness.

New Year, New Promises and Dreams, Triumphs and Heartaches
- and new ways of biting people’s heads off! -

Last year, as the year 2004 unfolded itself, I made a laundry list of things I would like to accomplish in 2004.

Let me copy-paste here what I wrote back then and see the things I’ve done and the rest that I failed to do (what do you know, there’s still 2005!)


Things I’d like to do/accomplish in 2004(From the mundane to the essentials, in no particular order)

1. Finish my master’s degree with flying colors, hopefully.

Nope. I have 3 more subjects to go. I actually had to file for LOA since I couldn’t handle both my school and workload anymore.

2. Learn how to drive a stick shift.

Yep, I did! And I actually bought one with the now Ex-Boyfriend and I was able to buy one for myself just last December. Ang ganda ko!

3. Go back to the gym and start lifting weights again. Damn, I’m gaining weight.

Yep, I did. But I haven’t been going for quite some time now because of my heavy workload. But I did lose weight. Going back to the gym even gave the added pleasure of meeting The Bad Boy and becoming really good friends with him.

4. Or, go back to dancing. I miss street jazz. I miss the dance floor and the ledge. Learn modern jazz.

Yes and no. I didn’t take dance classes but I rediscovered clubbing. Go Temple!

5. Start joining outreach programs again. My high school friends and I are starting on the 11th in Marikina. I’m excited!

Yes. Through company-sponsored outreach programs for street children.

6. Learn how to cook new recipes.

Nope. I couldn’t cook in my pad. All my clothes will smell like garlic. New recipe on the one hand, or maintaining my clothes on the other. I chose clothes!

7. Go to Cambodia and Bangkok with Mom in April.

Nope. But I did go to Singapore for both business and pleasure. Not bad.

8. Ride a hot air balloon in Clark Field, Pampanga.

Nope. But I intend to this 2005!

9. See more plays and go to new museums.

Yes to both.

10. More frequent random act of kindness.

Yes.

11. Spiritual retreat in June.

No. I actually suffered some sort of spiritual decline. But trying to get back on my feet.

12. Get my 40 vendor accounts at work. Uhmmm… can I die now?

Bizdev reached its targets, but right in the middle of the year, I was promoted and transferred to Marketing.

13. See my college friends more often.

Yep! And damn proud! I enjoyed the long Saturday lunches that lasted until 5 in the afternoon. I loved the coffee sessions with Niño and Panet.

14. Get to see The Buddy in August or September – in flesh and blood. Yeeeees!

A resounding YEEEEEEES! This is one of the most fab laurels and landmarks of the year. Put it this way: He came, he saw and he conquered. Wooohooo!

15. Heal. Mend relationships. Be at peace with myself. Talk to my personal God more often.

Yes, still trying to heal. Being at peace with myself is a constant struggle. Talking to God – I do it often, but it was very rare that I actually tried to listen.

Hmmm… not bad, huh? Not bad at all.

Up next: the 2005 conquests!

Happy New Year, everyone!

Woman

Welcome, single-blessedness. I embrace you with open arms.

It's time to conquer the world again.

[Read between the lines: I can now date freely, flirt without the pangs of guilt and find that Charming One. So friends, you know my type. Keep the dates coming in. But I am in no rush to be in a new relationship. Sweet time, sweet time - it's still on my side for the next 2-3 years.]