Surreal

We met in September.

To clarify and set things in their proper perspective, the question to ask is:

Was there an initial romantic or physical attraction?

There was none.

At the onset, I already made it clear that I am with someone. To me, it was clear that he is an Untouchable.

We became friends, without the knowledge of most people around us. The friendship was a conscious social contract between the two of us, knowing that it will require a deliberate effort to remain in touch. We had minimal common friends – very surprising with both our vast network of friends and social circles.

This much I can say – he initiated the social contract. My acceptance was an unambiguous sign of willingness.

What transpired from then and now is a discovery of overlapping traits and characteristics, despite the major differences in backgrounds.

Both with warm, pleasant and friendly personas, we were drawn to each other. There was a mutual interest to realize what other common grounds we could uncover.

We rarely see each other. Circumstances and social decorum did not allow it.

On a fateful Sunday night, however, he initiated the next encounter.

The Archer whisked me away to the suburb.

The speed, the unforeseen events, the spontaneity were all blinding and intoxicating.

Am I referring to incidents with sexual undertones?

NO.

First of, The Archer is a good person with good intentions. I, on the other hand, have absolutely no romantic illusions about what we have. Nor will we ever see each other in that light.

It was nothing extraordinary, really. I have gone out of town with friends in the past. What’s different now is the fact that at that time, no one knew where we both were, who we’re with. Add to this the taboo of being seen together.

It was like having an illicit affair when there was none. There was danger. There was the excitement of sharing what seemed like a deep, not-so-dark secret.

As if this isn’t treacherous enough, on our way to our destination, we almost collided with a vehicle and the car was swept off a dark dirt road.

We were both speechless for a while. My hands were cold and shaking.

Although this is really going overboard and perhaps brought about by the adrenaline rush, at that time I was thinking, we could have gotten hurt – no, we could have died – without the knowledge of our families and friends.

After we regained our composure, we were laughing and making fun of what happened, though we both know we could have been in serious trouble if the car actually crashed.

The rest of the night was smooth as compared to that. It was mostly a discovery of ourselves, of who The Archer is, of who I am.

Again, there was a renewal of social contract – that we are friends, that we are safe with each other.

It was the scariest, most dangerous experience that will remain on top of my list for a long time.

Now that I am more cerebral about it, I am realizing why and how things happened the way they did.

It was an escape from both the realities we live in. We shared an affinity for each other in a way that we share an affinity for danger and disobedience.

Perhaps we both felt that our lives compelled us to follow stringent rules and norms. Within our core are free spirits that needed to be tamed to perform our daily duties and obligations.

At that time, we found ourselves – two souls – who wanted some liberty without the judging eyes and socially-imposed rules of what ought to be.

I don’t thirst for this everyday. Most, if not all, of my waking hours, I am just what people define as normal and average.

It was just another journey to self-discovery where I realized which dichotomies in myself that I have to reconcile.

Now, it’s time to go back to being normal again.