Settling

I’m not sure if one of my not-so-close girlfriends broke up with her beau, but I need to quote her on what she wrote:

“Have you ever wondered what it must feel like married to the one you settled on? This truly gives me great feelings of anxiety. It might be difficult to accept the word "settle" because it conjures up images of quasi-happiness and half-hearted glee.

Yes, there is some sort of satisfaction and perhaps, some feeling of security that can be derived from such a partnership but I wonder, could there be anything more?

To settle is to ultimately accept what is within reach, what is available, what is there. To settle is to convince one's self that the decision about to be made is inevitable, realistic, and safe. To settle is to risk not ever being truly happy because one decides to adopt the worst type of 'come what may' attitude on life's greatest challenges.

And settling is a sorry consequence of the passage of time. Yes, time can be the balm that soothes open, painful wounds in one's heart but it can also be that dark force that manipulates one's mind into thinking and believing that the choice one has made is the best choice... the only choice.

What time does, and I'm sure you'll agree, is it lodges one's mind and heart in a cage with the door partly open - with the promise of a better life losing its appeal over the reality of the present, the convenient, and the routine.

The wickedness of "settling" is not one way. It also eventually hurts the one who was chosen because in all respects, the truth will surface. You no doubt realize that you just wasted each other's time and emotions. But then again, if your spouse chose you not because he or she "settled", then forget about the win-win situation you were gunning for.”

Whoah.

Heavy.

But I have to agree with her.

I guess, I don’t have to expound any further. Let me just quote Sex and the City’ Carrie Bradshaw (and this has been my mantra for 2 years now):

“I need love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without each other love.”

And you know, Badj is also right. There’s already a lot of mediocrity in life. Love shouldn’t be one of them. Two years ago, I learned my lesson the harder way and how I wish I know things better now.

So to my wonderful single girlfriends, I raise the glass in your honor. There is virtue in patiently and carefully selecting The One. Never settle. Ever.

And to those who are at a crossroad of whether to settle or not and to those who are currently settling, the middleground may not always be the safest place to be.

And you eventually have to leave that gray area and make a choice.