Weekend Top 3
Top 3 thoughts in my head right now
1. My alleged promotion and movement to another business unit and how this is so freaking me out right now.
2. If this is still all worth it - The Boyfriend and I. I am losing the incentive to try to make things work.
3. It is possible to find a platonic, yet very strong connection to someone you barely know and bare your soul to the person.
3 predominant emotions as of this moment
1. Angry.
2. Excited.
3. Scared.
3 most influential men in my life
1. My boss - the CEO. He is such an inspiration. I feel lucky to have a mentor like him.
2. The Bad Boy - he makes me see friendship in a fresh light. Made me realize that I should give some people the benefit of the doubt without having to remove all cynicism and skepticism altogether.
3. The Archer - he made me realize a lot of things about myself. That I am still capable of a drastic paradigm shift. That I am tougher than I thought I was. That I can be REALLY evil.
3 most influential women in my life
1. Mom.
2. Grandmom.
3. My boss-to-be, the GM.
These 3 women have a lot of common denominators.
3 major realizations
1. Real friends will give it to you - tell you what you did wrong and what is fucked up with you. They will tell you in-your-face if they really are your friends. Consequently, that I don't consider those who can't as friends after all.
2. That in life, sometimes it is better not to quit. That you have to deal with the hand that you've been given, the cards that you've been dealt with.
3. That I still care about what other people think about me. That despite that I-don't-give-a-rat's-ass attitude, I can still be bothered by presumptions and mis/conceptions about me. BUT: that at the end of the day, the only opinions that matter most are those from people I truly care about. The rest of them can all go to hell for all I care (sorry I had to let that one out).
Top 3 things I thought I couldn't put up with but did
1. Player friends who are honest with me about their escapades.
2. Acceptance of the idea that yes, sometimes sex is just sex. It can happen even with the absence of emotional attachment.
3. Bosses who throw a fit and throw their weight around.
Top 3 dealbreakers
1. Dishonesty
2. Taking things for granted
3. Emotional unavailability
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Saturday, June 19, 2004
Just between friends
Sex is the fastest way to ruin a friendship. Or something to that effect; from Reality Bites.
No matter how good and steadfast your friendship is, sex has a way of changing how things are. When you've already crossed the line, there is no way to turn things around. No way of going back.
What's actually worse is jumping into it when the friendship is at its earliest stage and when it's just about to prove and unfold itself. Talk about pre-empting something that could have been a strong allegiance that would have been for the long haul.
And yes, no matter how logical and cerebral some of us would want to be, the temptation to cross the border is just too tempting.
So there goes another one... inevitably biting the dust.
Sex is the fastest way to ruin a friendship. Or something to that effect; from Reality Bites.
No matter how good and steadfast your friendship is, sex has a way of changing how things are. When you've already crossed the line, there is no way to turn things around. No way of going back.
What's actually worse is jumping into it when the friendship is at its earliest stage and when it's just about to prove and unfold itself. Talk about pre-empting something that could have been a strong allegiance that would have been for the long haul.
And yes, no matter how logical and cerebral some of us would want to be, the temptation to cross the border is just too tempting.
So there goes another one... inevitably biting the dust.
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Existentialist woes
Here I am, waxing philosophical again...
Honeypie was so surprised that I was also having the same exact sentiments right now - asking myself what I'm really supposed to do, what my personal legend is and how I'm going to find it.
When I was younger I wanted to go to law school. Oh yeah, I still do, but my time couldn't afford it. If I quit my job, I would have all the time but would not have the money for it.
Talking to Rich - a lawyer friend - was actually very inspiring. She started law school when she was 27 or 28. She said it's not yet too late for me.
But then again, there are a lot of things and projects in the offing for me. I am two semesters away from getting my Masters. I might leave for Sydney a year from now. At this point, the tides can take me just about anywhere.
I made a compromise with myself that if I don't leave for Sydney, I will move heaven and earth to go to law school.
Let's see how things go...
Here I am, waxing philosophical again...
Honeypie was so surprised that I was also having the same exact sentiments right now - asking myself what I'm really supposed to do, what my personal legend is and how I'm going to find it.
When I was younger I wanted to go to law school. Oh yeah, I still do, but my time couldn't afford it. If I quit my job, I would have all the time but would not have the money for it.
Talking to Rich - a lawyer friend - was actually very inspiring. She started law school when she was 27 or 28. She said it's not yet too late for me.
But then again, there are a lot of things and projects in the offing for me. I am two semesters away from getting my Masters. I might leave for Sydney a year from now. At this point, the tides can take me just about anywhere.
I made a compromise with myself that if I don't leave for Sydney, I will move heaven and earth to go to law school.
Let's see how things go...
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Loud and proud!
Last Monday, I-Witness featured the "Pink Peso," arguing whether this already exists. For those who are not very familiar with the lingo, pink peso is the money spent by gays and lesbians and their behavior with regard to expenditures.
In short, ano ang pinagkakagastusan ng mga lesbyana at bakla sa Pilipinas?
The conclusion of the docu is that there is already an emerging "pale pink peso." It's not as significant yet, but it can not be ignored anymore. A major indication would be the proliferation of exclusive bars catering to them - Bed, Blue Bar, Boysie's. I was able to party and hang out in the first ever exclusive for girls bar in Wilsons.
The gays have successfully veered away from their 1980s parlorista image, what with a lot of gay men coming out of the closet. These gay men are artists, professionals and businessmen who do not have children so they don't need to worry about tuition fees and what-have-yous. The same thing is true for lesbians.
In fact, most lesbians who do not have families to support have a lot of money to spend on their luxuries. I have a lot of lesbian friends who are lawyers, doctors, managers and executives who do not bat an eyelash spending P1,500 per night out.
Most definitely, this is an emerging market.
I'm very proud of these people who were able to dispel their 80s-90s stereotype of screaming fags or tibong mukha na talagang lalake.
See you guys at the White Party and the Pink Festival!
Last Monday, I-Witness featured the "Pink Peso," arguing whether this already exists. For those who are not very familiar with the lingo, pink peso is the money spent by gays and lesbians and their behavior with regard to expenditures.
In short, ano ang pinagkakagastusan ng mga lesbyana at bakla sa Pilipinas?
The conclusion of the docu is that there is already an emerging "pale pink peso." It's not as significant yet, but it can not be ignored anymore. A major indication would be the proliferation of exclusive bars catering to them - Bed, Blue Bar, Boysie's. I was able to party and hang out in the first ever exclusive for girls bar in Wilsons.
The gays have successfully veered away from their 1980s parlorista image, what with a lot of gay men coming out of the closet. These gay men are artists, professionals and businessmen who do not have children so they don't need to worry about tuition fees and what-have-yous. The same thing is true for lesbians.
In fact, most lesbians who do not have families to support have a lot of money to spend on their luxuries. I have a lot of lesbian friends who are lawyers, doctors, managers and executives who do not bat an eyelash spending P1,500 per night out.
Most definitely, this is an emerging market.
I'm very proud of these people who were able to dispel their 80s-90s stereotype of screaming fags or tibong mukha na talagang lalake.
See you guys at the White Party and the Pink Festival!
Monday, May 31, 2004
In full circle
I dreamt about you last night. In my dream, I was missing you terribly, wondering how you are now. I called all our friends, looking for you, taking my chance if they have heard from you after you went in the bootcamp.
Nothing.
I got more worried. I sensed that something was wrong. I need to know how you are.
Amidst the frenzy, my phone rang. It was you. You sounded anxious on the other line and as frantic as I am. You asked how I was and disclosed that you felt like there was a hollow block pressing on your chest and you were thinking of me. You were worried there was something wrong with me.
I burst into tears. I told you that I felt the same way, like there was something wrong and you needed me.
I was awoken by my alarm at 6am. There were tears in my eyes. They stained my pillow.
I couldn't get out of bed. My body felt numb and warm. I checked my temperature. As confirmed, I had a slight fever.
My dream about you was so lucid I am still worried until now.
When I got to the office, I had to call your best friend to check if he has heard from you. Nothing. He said I was probably one of the, if not, the last person you called before finally checking in for your training.
I am still hung up on the dream.
When you left again, I never thought of you on purpose. I never consciously looked for you, asked about you, knowing that it would be futile.
Now when I look back, I am realizing that you are the only one I run to when I seek for clarity. For balance, for logic. You are, like you claim to be, my best instinct half.
You were very impatient with indecisiveness, but tolerant of mine. You loathed aberrance and gray areas, but moved your paradigms to understand and accommodate mine. You were unforgiving of unfaithfulness but you accepted my indiscretions.
You accepted me for who I am.
Despite that, I had to run away. I was frightened that what we had was becoming too real. Too real for me that I had to make difficult choices - to stay in my comfort zone or leave everything else and take my chances on something true yet very uncertain.
We never had the chance, given our circumstances right now. And like you said, we may never know.
What's worse for me is I'm regretting that I may never know.
And that I have totally lost my chance to find out.
I was running away yet here I am, confronted by one of my greatest fears.
You.
Buddy, you are missed. If I could take that chance back, I will. And I feel sorry I didn't.
I dreamt about you last night. In my dream, I was missing you terribly, wondering how you are now. I called all our friends, looking for you, taking my chance if they have heard from you after you went in the bootcamp.
Nothing.
I got more worried. I sensed that something was wrong. I need to know how you are.
Amidst the frenzy, my phone rang. It was you. You sounded anxious on the other line and as frantic as I am. You asked how I was and disclosed that you felt like there was a hollow block pressing on your chest and you were thinking of me. You were worried there was something wrong with me.
I burst into tears. I told you that I felt the same way, like there was something wrong and you needed me.
I was awoken by my alarm at 6am. There were tears in my eyes. They stained my pillow.
I couldn't get out of bed. My body felt numb and warm. I checked my temperature. As confirmed, I had a slight fever.
My dream about you was so lucid I am still worried until now.
When I got to the office, I had to call your best friend to check if he has heard from you. Nothing. He said I was probably one of the, if not, the last person you called before finally checking in for your training.
I am still hung up on the dream.
When you left again, I never thought of you on purpose. I never consciously looked for you, asked about you, knowing that it would be futile.
Now when I look back, I am realizing that you are the only one I run to when I seek for clarity. For balance, for logic. You are, like you claim to be, my best instinct half.
You were very impatient with indecisiveness, but tolerant of mine. You loathed aberrance and gray areas, but moved your paradigms to understand and accommodate mine. You were unforgiving of unfaithfulness but you accepted my indiscretions.
You accepted me for who I am.
Despite that, I had to run away. I was frightened that what we had was becoming too real. Too real for me that I had to make difficult choices - to stay in my comfort zone or leave everything else and take my chances on something true yet very uncertain.
We never had the chance, given our circumstances right now. And like you said, we may never know.
What's worse for me is I'm regretting that I may never know.
And that I have totally lost my chance to find out.
I was running away yet here I am, confronted by one of my greatest fears.
You.
Buddy, you are missed. If I could take that chance back, I will. And I feel sorry I didn't.
Monday, May 24, 2004
Top three
Top 3 things I want to do today
1. Drink that strong but yummy flavored frozen margarita at Cena or go out with Yel, get wasted in Temple or Tiananmen.
2. See The Archer for the send-off. Yeah, yeah, I know.
3. I want to do a make-over for my apartment. Like an anniversary thing. It's been a year now since I moved out.
Top 3 thoughts in my head
1. Is it true? James said both my free will and my destiny are linked. They coincide with each other so I just need to go with the flow and I will get there - to where I want to be.
2. Should I still consider the job that is being offered to me, what with the absence of the General Manager who originally talked me into it?
3. That some empowered women still want to be dominated into submission by men, for one reason or another.
Top 3 people I am thinking of today
1. The Archer. What's the comeback for?
2. The Boyfriend. What's it going to be?
3. My former Nanny. I need to call her for my apartment's cleanup.
Top 3 things I want to do today
1. Drink that strong but yummy flavored frozen margarita at Cena or go out with Yel, get wasted in Temple or Tiananmen.
2. See The Archer for the send-off. Yeah, yeah, I know.
3. I want to do a make-over for my apartment. Like an anniversary thing. It's been a year now since I moved out.
Top 3 thoughts in my head
1. Is it true? James said both my free will and my destiny are linked. They coincide with each other so I just need to go with the flow and I will get there - to where I want to be.
2. Should I still consider the job that is being offered to me, what with the absence of the General Manager who originally talked me into it?
3. That some empowered women still want to be dominated into submission by men, for one reason or another.
Top 3 people I am thinking of today
1. The Archer. What's the comeback for?
2. The Boyfriend. What's it going to be?
3. My former Nanny. I need to call her for my apartment's cleanup.
Friday, May 21, 2004
Drifting and walking away
The first one is inevitable, with the rate of how things are going between you and me. As for walking away, we have been both mulling over the idea for the past several weeks now.
We're trying, but it seems like all the efforts are not enough.
If you ask me, I am more willing to let things go now than before.
Pity that a relationship nurtured for years will end this way. Much as I will be hurt, I will also be more than glad to see you off and let you find your way to where you will be truly happy.
The first one is inevitable, with the rate of how things are going between you and me. As for walking away, we have been both mulling over the idea for the past several weeks now.
We're trying, but it seems like all the efforts are not enough.
If you ask me, I am more willing to let things go now than before.
Pity that a relationship nurtured for years will end this way. Much as I will be hurt, I will also be more than glad to see you off and let you find your way to where you will be truly happy.
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Slumbook galore
It's 6:00 pm. I'm waiting for the traffic to subside before I go home. I'm a new manual driver, so afraid ako sa traffic!
I've already visited almost all of my friends' blogs. I've got nothing better to do so I stumbled upon Chegay's blog and I read her sorta-kinda trivia list. It's so high school pero gusto kong patulan...
Name Four Scents You Love:
Vanilla by The Body Shop (I wear it everyday), Africa Spa Dry Oil Mist by The Body Shop (not a perfume but I love the scent), D&G Light Blue and Armani for Women
Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now:
The horrendous traffic I'm about to deal with a few minutes from now, The Bad Boy, Wanting to curl up in bed and sleep, wanting a hefty salary raise
Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
Nokia 6600, one black pointy-toed shoes, one brown sandals, one baby pink spandex shirt and one candy blue jogging pants for my gym sessions
Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
coffee, red wine, lemonade, low-fat milk
Last Time You Cried?
Last month? Cried over my job and, hard to admit, but over Mr. Big Shot's being an asshole.
What's In Your CD Player?
Save The Last Dance Soundtrack
What Color of Socks Are You Wearing?
No socks. Wearing my new pointy shoes.
What's Under Your Bed?
Shoes, mobile phone charger
What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
6am
Current Hair?
Below the shoulders, straight, black
Current Clothes?
Black top with stripes, matching belt, light gray bootcut pants. Pang-office. Boooring.
Current Desktop Picture?
The current Guess models. I made the wallpaper myself. :-)
Current Worry?
How will I go to the parking lot without getting wet? It's raining hard!
Current Hate?
The cigarette smoke emanating from the nearby office.
Favorite Physical Feature(s) Of the Opposite Sex?
Eyes and lips
Last CD You Bought/copied?
Joss Stone
Favorite Place To Be?
Antonio's or Sonya's Garden in Tagaytay and San Juan, Batangas - the nearest getaway.
Least Favorite Place?
My office. I wish I had a cleaner, nicer office.
If You Could Play An Instrument?
I already do. Drums and flute.
Favorite Color(s)
Purple (pa rin!) and pink on me, blue on men
Do You Believe In An Afterlife?
Yes. There has to be.
How Tall Are You?
5'3 1/2.
Current Favorite Word/Saying?
"What the hell...?" and "Oh my goodness!"
Favorite Season?
Summer. Beach! Beach!
One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To:
Melanie. An ex-girlfriend I ditched without any valid reason. Stupid.
Favorite Day?
Saturday!
Where Would You Like To Go?
Now? The beach. Boracay or Palawan.
How Many Kids Do You Want?
Just one. But The Boyfriend wants two.
Favorite Car?
Fed. My ever-reliable Honda City.
It's 6:00 pm. I'm waiting for the traffic to subside before I go home. I'm a new manual driver, so afraid ako sa traffic!
I've already visited almost all of my friends' blogs. I've got nothing better to do so I stumbled upon Chegay's blog and I read her sorta-kinda trivia list. It's so high school pero gusto kong patulan...
Name Four Scents You Love:
Vanilla by The Body Shop (I wear it everyday), Africa Spa Dry Oil Mist by The Body Shop (not a perfume but I love the scent), D&G Light Blue and Armani for Women
Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now:
The horrendous traffic I'm about to deal with a few minutes from now, The Bad Boy, Wanting to curl up in bed and sleep, wanting a hefty salary raise
Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
Nokia 6600, one black pointy-toed shoes, one brown sandals, one baby pink spandex shirt and one candy blue jogging pants for my gym sessions
Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
coffee, red wine, lemonade, low-fat milk
Last Time You Cried?
Last month? Cried over my job and, hard to admit, but over Mr. Big Shot's being an asshole.
What's In Your CD Player?
Save The Last Dance Soundtrack
What Color of Socks Are You Wearing?
No socks. Wearing my new pointy shoes.
What's Under Your Bed?
Shoes, mobile phone charger
What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
6am
Current Hair?
Below the shoulders, straight, black
Current Clothes?
Black top with stripes, matching belt, light gray bootcut pants. Pang-office. Boooring.
Current Desktop Picture?
The current Guess models. I made the wallpaper myself. :-)
Current Worry?
How will I go to the parking lot without getting wet? It's raining hard!
Current Hate?
The cigarette smoke emanating from the nearby office.
Favorite Physical Feature(s) Of the Opposite Sex?
Eyes and lips
Last CD You Bought/copied?
Joss Stone
Favorite Place To Be?
Antonio's or Sonya's Garden in Tagaytay and San Juan, Batangas - the nearest getaway.
Least Favorite Place?
My office. I wish I had a cleaner, nicer office.
If You Could Play An Instrument?
I already do. Drums and flute.
Favorite Color(s)
Purple (pa rin!) and pink on me, blue on men
Do You Believe In An Afterlife?
Yes. There has to be.
How Tall Are You?
5'3 1/2.
Current Favorite Word/Saying?
"What the hell...?" and "Oh my goodness!"
Favorite Season?
Summer. Beach! Beach!
One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To:
Melanie. An ex-girlfriend I ditched without any valid reason. Stupid.
Favorite Day?
Saturday!
Where Would You Like To Go?
Now? The beach. Boracay or Palawan.
How Many Kids Do You Want?
Just one. But The Boyfriend wants two.
Favorite Car?
Fed. My ever-reliable Honda City.
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."
So I live for the highs. I crave for passion. I want to ride the roller coaster everyday. I yearn to feel, revel at the times that I feel hurt and celebrate all the triumphs like there's no tomorrow.
But isn't this what living life to the fullest means?
So I live for the highs. I crave for passion. I want to ride the roller coaster everyday. I yearn to feel, revel at the times that I feel hurt and celebrate all the triumphs like there's no tomorrow.
But isn't this what living life to the fullest means?
Friday, May 14, 2004
Bitch beach!
It was a spur of the moment thing. The Boyfriend and I both wanted to hit the beach tomorrow afternoon after I get off from work. I need more tan.
So off we went calling travel agents and beach resorts. Since it's last-minute, we were targetting Batangas or Subic. I was really excited, especially when I saw the web sites of La Luz and Laiya Coco Grove in San Juan, Batangas.
I called the agents to book us a reservation.
BUT NO!
Laiya is booked this weekend and La Luz is fully-booked until July.
Drats!
So much for the getaway.
But The Boyfriend is relentless. Tomorrow, we will drive to Tagaytay and Batangas. If we find a good beach, we go. If we don't we're spending the weekend in Tagaytay instead to vege-out at Sonya's Garden and have a really good massage in one of the spas there.
Let's see how it goes.
It was a spur of the moment thing. The Boyfriend and I both wanted to hit the beach tomorrow afternoon after I get off from work. I need more tan.
So off we went calling travel agents and beach resorts. Since it's last-minute, we were targetting Batangas or Subic. I was really excited, especially when I saw the web sites of La Luz and Laiya Coco Grove in San Juan, Batangas.
I called the agents to book us a reservation.
BUT NO!
Laiya is booked this weekend and La Luz is fully-booked until July.
Drats!
So much for the getaway.
But The Boyfriend is relentless. Tomorrow, we will drive to Tagaytay and Batangas. If we find a good beach, we go. If we don't we're spending the weekend in Tagaytay instead to vege-out at Sonya's Garden and have a really good massage in one of the spas there.
Let's see how it goes.
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
The Bad Boy Complex
Last weekend, I went out for coffee with a self-confessed bad boy friend of mine. Armed with my usual cafe' mocha, we were trying to dissect the bad boy phenomenon.
This breed loves women. Loving women is actually an understatement. It's like an addiction. They think and believe that the ratio and proportion of men and women are so skewed it would be such an injustice to decide to stay and be monogamous to just one.
Hanep sa prinsipyo at paniniwala.
Had he not been a friend of mine, I might have poured my cafe' mocha grande over his head.
I saw no point in arguing with him. I have seen the two sides of the coin, so to speak. I've played and have been played.
And he does seem to have a point when he said, "despite the knowledge that we are players, why do women still want to be with us? If they don't want to, they should just stay away."
Oo nga naman. Some women are drawn to bad boys. Admittedly, I had my own bad boy streak, too.
But you see, this breed - most of the time - are good-looking. They come in very attractive packages. They are natural-born charmers whom you can't help but be drawn to.
I actually have a theory about it. Women are drawn to bad boys because of their maternal instinct to try and tame the straying, hoping for a conversion of some sort. At the back of our heads, we want them to change - from bad to good - while they are in a relationship with us.
But you know, I've come to realize that monogamy - and being good in general - is a conscious choice. And while these bad boys are still having the time of their lives playing and cruising, the day is yet to come for them to make that smart decision.
I am not sure if I am totally over my bad boy phase. I am hoping I am. And I dare not tread that path again. This breed is best left as friends and hang-out buddies.
Last weekend, I went out for coffee with a self-confessed bad boy friend of mine. Armed with my usual cafe' mocha, we were trying to dissect the bad boy phenomenon.
This breed loves women. Loving women is actually an understatement. It's like an addiction. They think and believe that the ratio and proportion of men and women are so skewed it would be such an injustice to decide to stay and be monogamous to just one.
Hanep sa prinsipyo at paniniwala.
Had he not been a friend of mine, I might have poured my cafe' mocha grande over his head.
I saw no point in arguing with him. I have seen the two sides of the coin, so to speak. I've played and have been played.
And he does seem to have a point when he said, "despite the knowledge that we are players, why do women still want to be with us? If they don't want to, they should just stay away."
Oo nga naman. Some women are drawn to bad boys. Admittedly, I had my own bad boy streak, too.
But you see, this breed - most of the time - are good-looking. They come in very attractive packages. They are natural-born charmers whom you can't help but be drawn to.
I actually have a theory about it. Women are drawn to bad boys because of their maternal instinct to try and tame the straying, hoping for a conversion of some sort. At the back of our heads, we want them to change - from bad to good - while they are in a relationship with us.
But you know, I've come to realize that monogamy - and being good in general - is a conscious choice. And while these bad boys are still having the time of their lives playing and cruising, the day is yet to come for them to make that smart decision.
I am not sure if I am totally over my bad boy phase. I am hoping I am. And I dare not tread that path again. This breed is best left as friends and hang-out buddies.
Friday, April 30, 2004
Fishy, fishy
I think I have too many lucky cards today at work.
1. The Prexy issued a memo assigning me a service car and a driver when he found out I wasn't being prioritized in the use of company-owned vehicles.
2. Come September, the General Manager wants to take me to the training abroad.
All this after seriously contemplating irrevocable resignation.
Hmmm...something is definitely up.
I think I have too many lucky cards today at work.
1. The Prexy issued a memo assigning me a service car and a driver when he found out I wasn't being prioritized in the use of company-owned vehicles.
2. Come September, the General Manager wants to take me to the training abroad.
All this after seriously contemplating irrevocable resignation.
Hmmm...something is definitely up.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
And The Buddy, once again, leaves...
I received an overseas call after lunch. It was The Buddy. He's saying goodbye. For five months, he will be out of touch since he's going in the bootcamp today.
No phone calls, text messages, emails. Nada.
I've been sweet-talking him to go home in September so we could fly to Bora and have a grand break before he goes to Europe for three friggin' years.
We couldn't stay long on the phone - so he just wished me well and asked me to take care of myself.
It's like saying goodbye all over again.
And being crushed into pieces.
All over again.
I received an overseas call after lunch. It was The Buddy. He's saying goodbye. For five months, he will be out of touch since he's going in the bootcamp today.
No phone calls, text messages, emails. Nada.
I've been sweet-talking him to go home in September so we could fly to Bora and have a grand break before he goes to Europe for three friggin' years.
We couldn't stay long on the phone - so he just wished me well and asked me to take care of myself.
It's like saying goodbye all over again.
And being crushed into pieces.
All over again.
Monday, April 19, 2004
Minus a hundred bitch points, but…
No matter how many times I watch “My Best Friend’s Wedding,” I still cry buckets of tears when Dermot Mulroney sings “The Way You Look Tonight” to Julia Roberts while they dance in the boat as it crosses under a bridge. Or when Julia finally concedes that she lost her to another girl (Cameron Diaz), when she delivers her wedding spiel as the maid of honor and when Dermot finally says goodbye to her at the wedding reception.
Why?
1. I’ve always felt that this will happen to me – that I will lose someone I truly love to someone else because I have taken him/her for granted; only realizing the person’s real worth and my true feelings when they’re almost gone;
2. I could relate to Julia Roberts’ concoction of evil plans, machinations and manipulations to steal her guy best friend from the fiance’. Oh yeah – even if what it takes is for me to ruin or stop a wedding before the actual day or even at that same day. Yep, I think I am capable of doing just that.
3. I could very well relate to having another guy best friend – a gay one – the so called “fag of my life,” who will help me create a whole fiasco to get the guy back.
4. I could fully empathize with at first wanting to get the ex-boyfriend cum best friend back because I want to prove that – hell yeah – I am THE woman in his life. The only one at that. But at the end of it all, I might be able to do something that crazy because I love the guy.
5. Lastly, I think I am the guy best friend’s Jel-O. He may think he wants crème brulee, but the fact is, he really want’s Jel-O. He’s comfortable with Jel-O. And crème brulee, will NEVER be Jel-O.
Although Dermot married Cameron and they did end up together, I created my own version of the movie. That Dermot will realize that the all-sugar-and-spice-and-everything-nice Cameron is just too sweet it’s too annoying. They get divorced and Dermot comes running back to Julia.
Hah.
Maybe it’s not minus a hundred bitch points after all.
No matter how many times I watch “My Best Friend’s Wedding,” I still cry buckets of tears when Dermot Mulroney sings “The Way You Look Tonight” to Julia Roberts while they dance in the boat as it crosses under a bridge. Or when Julia finally concedes that she lost her to another girl (Cameron Diaz), when she delivers her wedding spiel as the maid of honor and when Dermot finally says goodbye to her at the wedding reception.
Why?
1. I’ve always felt that this will happen to me – that I will lose someone I truly love to someone else because I have taken him/her for granted; only realizing the person’s real worth and my true feelings when they’re almost gone;
2. I could relate to Julia Roberts’ concoction of evil plans, machinations and manipulations to steal her guy best friend from the fiance’. Oh yeah – even if what it takes is for me to ruin or stop a wedding before the actual day or even at that same day. Yep, I think I am capable of doing just that.
3. I could very well relate to having another guy best friend – a gay one – the so called “fag of my life,” who will help me create a whole fiasco to get the guy back.
4. I could fully empathize with at first wanting to get the ex-boyfriend cum best friend back because I want to prove that – hell yeah – I am THE woman in his life. The only one at that. But at the end of it all, I might be able to do something that crazy because I love the guy.
5. Lastly, I think I am the guy best friend’s Jel-O. He may think he wants crème brulee, but the fact is, he really want’s Jel-O. He’s comfortable with Jel-O. And crème brulee, will NEVER be Jel-O.
Although Dermot married Cameron and they did end up together, I created my own version of the movie. That Dermot will realize that the all-sugar-and-spice-and-everything-nice Cameron is just too sweet it’s too annoying. They get divorced and Dermot comes running back to Julia.
Hah.
Maybe it’s not minus a hundred bitch points after all.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Grrrrr moments
My entire day was spent waiting.
Waiting for 7 friggin' hours in a government office for a clearance that could have been made in just an hour.
Waiting for one boss to make up his mind and sign one of my contracts. In a day, there were 3 revisions in the dang contract which have already been revised 5 times over a period of 6 months. And they want me to reach my targets of store openings for the entire year.
Putang ina.
Waiting for another boss for my team's cash reimbursements and for the decision to roll out another store opening.
Waiting... and waiting for me to reach my team's targets so I could bargain a raise - which I know is a loooong shot.
Sometimes, I can't help but mull over my career options. All the aggravations, the stress and the pressure are not proportionate to my compensation. At the end of the day, I can't help but feel that this is all not fuckin' worth it.
Two more long semesters to go and I'll be getting my Master's degree. From there, I can already device a contingency plan. Where I'm going, what I really want to do.
Minsan tuloy, I'm already getting tempted to accept The Boyfriend's offer to fly to Sydney and just live a quiet life there being a stay-at-home wife cum mom with a consultancy on the side.
Hey, I love being the on-the-go career girl that I have been for the past 7 years. But right now, I am not sure if I am in the right place. I know there is something better OUT there.
Calling all my friends who have job openings and vacancies. Yuhooooo! I'm over here!
My entire day was spent waiting.
Waiting for 7 friggin' hours in a government office for a clearance that could have been made in just an hour.
Waiting for one boss to make up his mind and sign one of my contracts. In a day, there were 3 revisions in the dang contract which have already been revised 5 times over a period of 6 months. And they want me to reach my targets of store openings for the entire year.
Putang ina.
Waiting for another boss for my team's cash reimbursements and for the decision to roll out another store opening.
Waiting... and waiting for me to reach my team's targets so I could bargain a raise - which I know is a loooong shot.
Sometimes, I can't help but mull over my career options. All the aggravations, the stress and the pressure are not proportionate to my compensation. At the end of the day, I can't help but feel that this is all not fuckin' worth it.
Two more long semesters to go and I'll be getting my Master's degree. From there, I can already device a contingency plan. Where I'm going, what I really want to do.
Minsan tuloy, I'm already getting tempted to accept The Boyfriend's offer to fly to Sydney and just live a quiet life there being a stay-at-home wife cum mom with a consultancy on the side.
Hey, I love being the on-the-go career girl that I have been for the past 7 years. But right now, I am not sure if I am in the right place. I know there is something better OUT there.
Calling all my friends who have job openings and vacancies. Yuhooooo! I'm over here!
Sunday, April 11, 2004
Summer wishlist
I'm back from my vacation. Barely 30 minutes in Metro Manila, I could already feel the heat getting into me. Mainit na naman ang ulo ko --- thinking of my long list of to-dos at work. Not to mention one more paper that I have to finish for school. Aaaarg. When will all this be over?
Anyway, to make myself feel better and with the escapist in me trying to let loose, I browsed through my favorite online shopping sites and found these yummy eye candies. The cool colors would just make you chill!
And if after a week I'd still feel exhausted from Manila's scorching heat, I will treat myself with some retail therapy. Woohoo!
1. Jelly Kelly bag
2. Guess blue vinyl shades
3. Guess gradient turqoise watch
I'm back from my vacation. Barely 30 minutes in Metro Manila, I could already feel the heat getting into me. Mainit na naman ang ulo ko --- thinking of my long list of to-dos at work. Not to mention one more paper that I have to finish for school. Aaaarg. When will all this be over?
Anyway, to make myself feel better and with the escapist in me trying to let loose, I browsed through my favorite online shopping sites and found these yummy eye candies. The cool colors would just make you chill!
And if after a week I'd still feel exhausted from Manila's scorching heat, I will treat myself with some retail therapy. Woohoo!
1. Jelly Kelly bag
2. Guess blue vinyl shades
3. Guess gradient turqoise watch
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Baby-sitter jitters
I just hired a new employee two weeks ago. I don't know if it's just me with very high expectations, but I feel like I'm baby-sitting!
Last week, he mismatched order forms which of course led to mismatched deliveries in the warehouse. It was a good thing that I double-checked the invoices. Otherwise, we would have sent out the wrong products to the wrong stores.
Jovan, I feel like I'm strolling down memory lane here. Remember when you used to complain about someone spacing out right smack in the middle of a work day? I can totally relate to that now!
What's actually worse is that he is so caught up in his own world that he won't go beyond his tasks. You have to tell him what to do. I don't like pencil-pushing and checking up on him every step of the way drained my energy. It feels like I aged five years in two weeks.
I don't think my Vitamin C and E skin reviving products could ever catch up with the years I lost training him.
Happy, happy, joy, joy!
At least we have a five-day recluse because of the Holy Week. Thank, God I live in a predominantly Catholic country! This is one of the very rare moments I am grateful that I live in the Philippines.
I'm going to Sentosa for three days. That's a much-needed, well-deserved break right there.
Not your on-call party girl
To you, Mr. Big Shot: I'm not your 24/7 party girl who you can call anytime you want to go out and get wasted. You lost the direct line a long time ago.
Had you been - at the very least - consistent and considerate, we could have had the most fun times and the best parties together.
Too bad you were an asshole.
Pardon my french.
Sleepless in Seattle
You know who you are. This is a tribute to you.
Thank you.
For making me feel better. For listening. For the letters that made me smile. For making me breeze through stressful days at work.
For sharing.
For you.
I just hired a new employee two weeks ago. I don't know if it's just me with very high expectations, but I feel like I'm baby-sitting!
Last week, he mismatched order forms which of course led to mismatched deliveries in the warehouse. It was a good thing that I double-checked the invoices. Otherwise, we would have sent out the wrong products to the wrong stores.
Jovan, I feel like I'm strolling down memory lane here. Remember when you used to complain about someone spacing out right smack in the middle of a work day? I can totally relate to that now!
What's actually worse is that he is so caught up in his own world that he won't go beyond his tasks. You have to tell him what to do. I don't like pencil-pushing and checking up on him every step of the way drained my energy. It feels like I aged five years in two weeks.
I don't think my Vitamin C and E skin reviving products could ever catch up with the years I lost training him.
Happy, happy, joy, joy!
At least we have a five-day recluse because of the Holy Week. Thank, God I live in a predominantly Catholic country! This is one of the very rare moments I am grateful that I live in the Philippines.
I'm going to Sentosa for three days. That's a much-needed, well-deserved break right there.
Not your on-call party girl
To you, Mr. Big Shot: I'm not your 24/7 party girl who you can call anytime you want to go out and get wasted. You lost the direct line a long time ago.
Had you been - at the very least - consistent and considerate, we could have had the most fun times and the best parties together.
Too bad you were an asshole.
Pardon my french.
Sleepless in Seattle
You know who you are. This is a tribute to you.
Thank you.
For making me feel better. For listening. For the letters that made me smile. For making me breeze through stressful days at work.
For sharing.
For you.
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Weekender pop quiz
This is just a passing thought as I was driving in EDSA today:
In the advent of the Internet and mobile phone, having an illicit affair has become much more convenient and a whole lot easier.
So I was asking myself,
- While you are inside a committed relationship and you are flirting with someone on the Internet through chatting and email (ala You've Got Mail), is that considered straying?
- In the same manner that if you are having phone sex with someone, does that mean you already slept with him/her and you actually cheated on your partner?
Some people would argue that it's still cheating because there is a third party involved and that party shares something intimate with you while you are inside a relationship. On the other hand, others would say it's the safest thing since technically, you did not really sleep with the person.
Wow-talk about blurring the boundaries. Technology does have a way of making our lives more complicated.
My stand on this - actually, I haven't really given it much thought. But I guess the bottomline is, no affair would be consummated if you are contented with who you are currently with. Carrying on an illicit affair never crossed my mind if I am happy and currently in nirvana with someone. So I think an affair fills up a void in people's romantic relationships that have turned stale or sour.
This is just a passing thought as I was driving in EDSA today:
In the advent of the Internet and mobile phone, having an illicit affair has become much more convenient and a whole lot easier.
So I was asking myself,
- While you are inside a committed relationship and you are flirting with someone on the Internet through chatting and email (ala You've Got Mail), is that considered straying?
- In the same manner that if you are having phone sex with someone, does that mean you already slept with him/her and you actually cheated on your partner?
Some people would argue that it's still cheating because there is a third party involved and that party shares something intimate with you while you are inside a relationship. On the other hand, others would say it's the safest thing since technically, you did not really sleep with the person.
Wow-talk about blurring the boundaries. Technology does have a way of making our lives more complicated.
My stand on this - actually, I haven't really given it much thought. But I guess the bottomline is, no affair would be consummated if you are contented with who you are currently with. Carrying on an illicit affair never crossed my mind if I am happy and currently in nirvana with someone. So I think an affair fills up a void in people's romantic relationships that have turned stale or sour.
Friday, April 02, 2004
What's news?
On the Archer - epilogue
Hah. He couldn't stand not texting or talking to me. So he finally did. But finally, too, I came to my senses. No friend would blow me off at the first sign of threat or danger.
When he tried to get in touch with me again, I definitely gave it to him. With finality, I said let's stop the charade. If we can't trust each other then let's stop sharing ourselves in friendship.
Talk about dropping someone like a hot patatas. I still texted him one last message -- one last hoorah. And I finally closed it.
Reunion rave
I ended up going to the reunion after all. Actually, I texted Ryan and attempted to bail out at the last minute. But he gave me a dose of emotional blackmail --- "how could you, this is a one-time thing? Yada-yada-yada..." and hang up the phone on me. I was trying to call him back but he wouldn't answer. Drama king!
So I went at half-past 10. Ryan was at the door of District so after parking, I hugged him. With puppy-dog eyes, I begged him, "Bati na tayo." Hahaha! How can he not forgive?
I had a blast at the party and I'm so glad I went. I saw old friends, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends. There was a lot of booze, dancing and flirting with high school puppy loves. No, I didn't get my share. I spent a lot of time with an ex-girlfriend - but just to update each other on what's happening in our lives.
Ang saya-saya! The party ended at 4am. We stopped by Rufo's for an early breakfast. I ended up going home at 6am. It was so much fun that a lot of the guys who went wanted another round of drinks this Saturday.
Web get-together
Speaking of reunions and Saturday night-out, Goy organized a Web reunion. I am going to see The Family again. I'm excited. I miss them so much. I miss the huddle area, the Monday update meetings with Jesse, Liza's mentoring.
Although I am getting the hang of it here at work already, I don't think I will ever get to work with another team like them. Best team I ever had. Willing ako pa-demote just to be with them again. As long as my paycheck won't get demoted, too!
Friendivas
Belated happy birthday, Emer and Romy!
The Buddy will be celebrating his on the 17th. Dude, miss na miss na kita. Sana may pasalubong from Mexico. Kahit burrito, tabla na.
Chegay has a blogger na! Chegay, can I link you already?
On the Archer - epilogue
Hah. He couldn't stand not texting or talking to me. So he finally did. But finally, too, I came to my senses. No friend would blow me off at the first sign of threat or danger.
When he tried to get in touch with me again, I definitely gave it to him. With finality, I said let's stop the charade. If we can't trust each other then let's stop sharing ourselves in friendship.
Talk about dropping someone like a hot patatas. I still texted him one last message -- one last hoorah. And I finally closed it.
Reunion rave
I ended up going to the reunion after all. Actually, I texted Ryan and attempted to bail out at the last minute. But he gave me a dose of emotional blackmail --- "how could you, this is a one-time thing? Yada-yada-yada..." and hang up the phone on me. I was trying to call him back but he wouldn't answer. Drama king!
So I went at half-past 10. Ryan was at the door of District so after parking, I hugged him. With puppy-dog eyes, I begged him, "Bati na tayo." Hahaha! How can he not forgive?
I had a blast at the party and I'm so glad I went. I saw old friends, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends. There was a lot of booze, dancing and flirting with high school puppy loves. No, I didn't get my share. I spent a lot of time with an ex-girlfriend - but just to update each other on what's happening in our lives.
Ang saya-saya! The party ended at 4am. We stopped by Rufo's for an early breakfast. I ended up going home at 6am. It was so much fun that a lot of the guys who went wanted another round of drinks this Saturday.
Web get-together
Speaking of reunions and Saturday night-out, Goy organized a Web reunion. I am going to see The Family again. I'm excited. I miss them so much. I miss the huddle area, the Monday update meetings with Jesse, Liza's mentoring.
Although I am getting the hang of it here at work already, I don't think I will ever get to work with another team like them. Best team I ever had. Willing ako pa-demote just to be with them again. As long as my paycheck won't get demoted, too!
Friendivas
Belated happy birthday, Emer and Romy!
The Buddy will be celebrating his on the 17th. Dude, miss na miss na kita. Sana may pasalubong from Mexico. Kahit burrito, tabla na.
Chegay has a blogger na! Chegay, can I link you already?
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Reunion blahs
This coming Saturday is our 2nd high school reunion. I don't know why I feel like I'm not up for it.
This sounds bad, pero tinatamad ako.
I feel that the get-together lacks sincerity. Reunions are supposed to bring back the good ol' memories of hanging out in the gym while waiting for our cars and school buses, running down the corridors of the old building, boy and girl watching.
But I get this feeling that all that's going to happen there is people bragging about themselves - what car they're driving, who they're currently with, what job they're in right now.
Well, I didn't turn out pretty bad myself. In fact, I like where I am right now.
It's just that I want to be there for the reunion - for its real intent and purpose - to catch up and see old faces that I sometimes miss.
Let's see what's going to happen.
I wonder if my first love is going to show up.
This coming Saturday is our 2nd high school reunion. I don't know why I feel like I'm not up for it.
This sounds bad, pero tinatamad ako.
I feel that the get-together lacks sincerity. Reunions are supposed to bring back the good ol' memories of hanging out in the gym while waiting for our cars and school buses, running down the corridors of the old building, boy and girl watching.
But I get this feeling that all that's going to happen there is people bragging about themselves - what car they're driving, who they're currently with, what job they're in right now.
Well, I didn't turn out pretty bad myself. In fact, I like where I am right now.
It's just that I want to be there for the reunion - for its real intent and purpose - to catch up and see old faces that I sometimes miss.
Let's see what's going to happen.
I wonder if my first love is going to show up.
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