Catwalking in the rat race

Yesterday marked the first day in my new job. I am now gainfully (?) employed by a start-up company (not again!?!?!).

The office is located right smack in Makati's CBD. For two days now, I have been lunching with The Boyfriend at the LKG Tower along with other yuppies.
Sadly, I think I have been swallowed by the system already. I look like them, dress like them. Armed with my mobile phone, PDA and file folders, I attend power lunches with clients. Though I can't discern where's the power in that - depriving myself of that strictly-1-hour quality time where I shouldn't be thinking about work.

Makati is just congested with a lot of rodents who start swarming in at 8 in the morning. It's sickening.

Oh well. Welcome to their wonderful world.

Making it big

Six years of work. Six different companies including my consultancies. 3 years as the maximum gestation period in an organization.

I would like to think there is more to work. More to this.

Whether I am going to stay for the long haul with my current company remains to be seen. It's a startup with potential - but so with the other ones.

My moves right now are bordering on pragmatism. My jobs pay my rent. It would help me buy the Fujitsu Lifebook I've been eyeing for more than 2 weeks now. They would take me to Bangkok and Singapore in September.

That's all there is to it.

At this point, I am still short-sighted with employment opportunities. What with the worsening economy of the country and the Magdalo rebellion of 2 weeks ago, all I can see is a bleak future.

How can I be fucking bullish about anything?

If my idealism is dead? Let's just say I agree with Yoj. So much for college daydreaming.

Deal with it

My skin is mocha brown.
I will never be caught dead with skin whitening paraphernalia.
I like my hair long and black.

I like wearing tank tops.
Round-necked shirts never fit me to a T.
My colors are always bright.
I look boring in white.
[Gross – that rhymed!]

I love wearing make-up.
I never leave home without my lash curler, concealer and lipstick.
Natural beauty is not true in my case.

I’m not a Gap babe.
I’m a Guess chick.
Gap = Big sizes, muted colors.
Not me.

I walk around in my platforms.
Almost all my shoes have 3-inch heels.
I can walk around wearing them all day long.
That is definitely an acquired skill!

I don’t wear khaki pants.
My pants are black, my denims are usually dark blue.
I like them hip-snugging or low-rise.
Flared and boot cut.

I am a guru at gay speak.
And I love gay men.
Have a lot of gay friends.
Definitely not homophobic.

I don’t intend to change these.
Maybe I would for myself.
But not to please others.
Definitely not to please thee.

I’m not even asking you to change your preference.
But please, don’t go changing me.

Back in the game!

I am sooo back and in my element once again.

After 2 weeks of emotional roller coaster, I finally got nauseous. Actually, I got so sick of myself being too sappy, crying over the most trivial things. It was becoming too icky so I managed to rescue myself just in time.

Those 2 weeks were very miserable. I missed my team, I was adjusting to my new apartment, I was doing all the household chores, I was adjusting to my new schedule, new office and new officemates. Add to that the anxiety of The Buddy issue. I felt overwhelmed. Everything was just too much.

So I allowed myself to succumb to depression. I would wake up at around 11, watch MTV or cartoons then ransack my food bin at past 12. I would stare blankly in front of my TV set or cry over Ally Mc Beal (which I used to hate) or any sentimental music I hear. I would go to work at around 2pm. After work, the team goes to El Pueblo for a night cap. As for me, I'd watch TV until I fall asleep. By that time, its already 3am.

I know. Spell pathetic for me.

So there. Since I'm really not the sulking type, my depression made me feel more depressed.

Yesterday, I realized that nothing is going to happen if I stretch this any further. I made peace with myself and decided to go on living.

I will get the hang of my new work, new team. The Web will always be my friends. As for The Buddy - if we are friends, we will get through this and just laugh at what happened - 10-20 years from now. If we don't make it through this time, then I guess I have to admit that it was just something superficial. I still have an army of friends.

As for my house - why the hell am I complaining? I love it. It's my own. MINE!

Friends were there to tide me over the crisis. I can never thank them enough. They were right. Life is too short. I shouldn't worry my life away. I've worked so hard to be a straight A student and now that I am almost graduating, it is a blatant self-deprecation for me to throw everything away.

Thank you, tita Sylvia and Eric - my 2 very generous classmates and school buddies. You have both been wonderful.

Thank you, Tran. I thought of you when all this was happening. Someday, I will have the kind of maturity you have to fend off distractions.

Thank you, Mica, V and Carissa. For not judging me. For giving me strength. For believing that I will get through this. For making me feel it's okay to admit it.

Thank you, Celiah. For making me feel I am not alone in the battle.

Thanks to the Best Friend. For not failing me. Ever.

Thank you, Mom - for keeping the faith.

Thank you, Ariel - for the promise of catching me when I fall. For making me believe in true love.

Thank God, for friends. For all of this.

Of geeks and nerds

Oh my gosh. I had a startling realization this afternoon.

I have a penchant for geeks and nerds.

Come to think of it, The Buddy is a geek - sans the ka-conohan, racing cars and signature clothes - he is a total geekazoid!

This is the first time I accessed Bangus' blog again because it had been down for a long time. I found it so cute and adorable that he is in law school right now and living in a chapel at that!

One of my college crushes - Judel - is a BS Applied Physics major. I pretended not to have any friggin' clue about the big bang theory in NatSci 1 so he could tutor me and we could hang out in the UP main library! I knew that if I asked him out for no reason he wouldn't have the nerve to go with me.

Asan na kaya yun ngayon? The last time I saw him was in Malacanang. He looked so cute in his crisp barong with his black-rimmed glasses. We first met when we were in high school - competing in those oratorical and extemporaneous speaking contests. Too bad he didn't keep in touch.

What's up with the geeks and nerds? Why do I find them attractive?

I think they are so underrated. I think girls who want to have decent and meaningful conversations on their first date should go out with them. I always marvel at how smart they are, being able to talk about anything and everything under the sun. Plus you get loadsa tips about techie gadgets which I am personally into.

If only other women would be able to discover this untapped resource! Hahaha.

Why do I like them? Siguro nga kasi nerd at geek din ako.

Knowing what we want

How could you want something so bad and just eventually give it away?

You don't really know what you want.

Now that you're leaving you just want to give him up.

I can't blame you, though. I thought I knew what I wanted, too.

The Buddy and SARS

The Buddy flew in last Sunday. He's going to be here in Manila until August or September, again, depending on his whims.

We had dinner and spent some time together last Monday. The morning after that, I had a slight fever. Knowing that he had a stopover in Taipei, I immediately called him to check if he feels well, if he doesn't have fever and cough.

Yes, he was fine.

Whew.

At 3:00am on Wednesday, however, I got a text message from him informing me that he has a cough. As paranoid as I am about SARS, I panicked and rang his mobile.

I told him to stay home and get enough rest.

Damn - I really feel like stangling him right now. Despite the warnings from his dad and mom not to fly through China Airlines, he still did. I also advised him to stay home for a while.

Kuripot kasi - tinipid pa ang $300.

He has 5 more days before he can be declared SARS-free. We spoke this morning and he said he was feeling better.

Again, I was relieved.

Anyways, welcome home, Buddy. Cheers to more gigs together.

I just hope he feels better before the Formula One gig in National Sports Grill.



Take me there, I wanna go there

Now that my schedule is pretty much flexible, I am toying with the idea of going to Indonesia and Singapore next week. I'll tag along with some girlfriends, or even Celiah, who work there.

Right now, I just want to breathe and get away from it all.

On the other hand, The Buddy is more inclined to take a few days off in Bangkok. He said he can get us a $265 trip.

Hmmmm... sounds very enticing.

Let's see who else we can brainwash to go with us.

In the meantime, I am daydreaming of a grand holiday in the middle of work. I think we should check out the red light district in Phat Pong.

Now that would be very interesting!

Kindred Spirits

Celiah and I haven’t seen each other for quite some time now. We were both busy with our own lives.

This morning, she managed to catch me in my pad and we had a long conversation – about her 2-year relationship, work, plans, etc.

As for me, I only told her The Dilemma. She is one of my very few trusted friends who I can tell anything and everything and would not castigate me for it.

She was surprised that the issue dragged. She never knew me as someone who would let a problem stretch for a long period of time. But she understood that it really takes a lot of effort to keep a friendship after you have somehow blurred some boundaries. Add to this the long denial stage that I managed to get myself into.

I was more surprised that while I was going through it, she was experiencing the same thing – questioning her comfort zone, asking what lies ahead, and if we ever believe in destiny versus carving our own paths. We are both in happy and contented relationships, yet we also both wonder if what we have right now are for keeps. We both have happy, comfortable lives, yet we both question whether we can sustain them and for how long.

Yes, we are on the same boat again.

It’s funny how our stages in life would always be similar to each other. We underwent the same stormy relationships and complicated career shifts at the same time.

A phone conversation was not enough to discuss and deconstruct everything that is happening. We agreed to meet for dinner tomorrow night. There is a lot of catching up to do.

At this time of my life when everything is changing and happening so fast, it’s good to have found my way back to Celiah and know what’s her take on things.

As we ended the conversation, I felt a lot better. I’ve found my soul sister again.

An awakening

Take me to another place
Take me to another land
Let me forget all that hurts me
Let me understand your plan.

- Tennessee
by Arrested Development


Thank yous

I’m very touched by the gesture of friends who swamped my email of job vacancies. Maraming salamat talaga.


Windang moments

I’m having a hard time adjusting to my new schedule right now. I start work at 1pm until late evenings. It really takes a lot of discipline to organize my schedule since I got used to a programmed schedule and a routine of some sort. And since I am working on several projects, I sometimes catch myself on panic mode.

Hindi ko na alam kung ano uunahin ko!

Not that I’m complaining. Baka ma-karma ako at bawian ng rackets ni God! Hahahaha!

I just need to adjust. I think I need to talk to Abi for some tips.

Now that I thought of Abi – miss ko na ang Web. I don’t have a Liza anymore who comes to my rescue. Huhuhu.

Released

Last week, the position I was handling in my company was considered redundant. To cut the long story short, they gave me my redundancy package and I got a hefty separation pay that can last me until December.

Since I was prepared for what was coming, I made my contingencies. I’m currently working on a marketing project. I was hired by another start-up as a consultant to help them draft their marketing plan. The pay is actually quite good – a lot higher than what I was getting and I only have to work for 4 days!

Good, huh?

But knowing that this isn’t stable, I am also working on getting a full-time job somewhere. So friends, do fill me in if there are job vacancies out there for me. ;-)

I felt relieved in a way. Now I have the luxury of time and enough money to be able to look for THE JOB that will put more meaning in my life, where profit is not the only concern and where reaching out to others is the priority.

I also felt sad because I left a family. It was the best team I ever had and I had the chance to be with the best team lead and mentor anyone could wish for.

Well anyways…

The industry is very small. The possibility for everyone to work again is not really far-fetched. And I am so looking forward to that.




Let’s not go there…

Where we could hurt those who care about us
and those who truly love us.

Let’s not go there,
Where I won’t be willing to see you off
Or bid you goodbye.

Let’s not go to that place where
We would compromise our growth and our dreams
Since we didn’t build them together.

Let’s not go there,
Where we could end up hurting each other.

Let’s just stay here.
Let’s just stay where we are right now.

Another week...

... of stress at work.

It's stress multiplied by 3.

I wonder how much more I can take.

Note to self: Think positive.

Thought bubble: Even if you don't like what's happening around you and you know things are not okay?

Of all people...

... na paghahanapin mo ng date para sa 'yo - sa akin ka pa lumapit.

Ang cute mo!

And of all the times...

na magpapahanap ka ng date, you ask while we are talking about you being conscious whenever you are with me because I look at you all the time.

You said you feel like I am staring right at your whole being - making you feel stripped naked and vulnerable.

Saan mo ko gustong tumingin habang kausap kita? Sa kisame?

Anong gusto mong sabihin ko sa 'yo ngayon?

Magkaibigan ba talaga tayo? Why do you keep on flirting and sending out innuendos?

Puro ka double-meaning tapos biglang kabig.

Galing mo talaga, dude.

Hybrid of the past and the present

Last night, I dreamt of my former CEO. He called for a meeting with the team leads and I was part of the meeting.

He asked us to sit on the floor and announced that he needs to retrench people.

I don't exactly know what that means, but the mood was very light and people were happy despite the announcement.

And how the hell did Carlo figure in my dream?

Funny-weird, huh?

My own home sweet home

Now I’m spilling the beans.

Last Sunday, I officially moved into my studio.

Yep, I’m renting a studio-type condo unit in the Pasong Tamo area.

I have been planning about this since December of last year. Come April, I was already getting depressed thinking about how I wanted my own place but haven’t done anything to kick the plan off.

By May, I was already spending my weekends looking for apartments and condominiums. Alongside that, I was looking for a second job – a racket at that – which will augment my income, pay my rent and support my lifestyle when combined with my day job.

I guess Paulo Coelho was right when he wrote The Alchemist – if you want to achieve something badly, all of the universe will conspire in your favor.

Luckily for me, the universe did.

So last week, I bought all my furniture and appliances. The whole weekend was spent waiting for their delivery, packing and cleaning.

By Sunday, the studio looked like a home. My own.

I feel so fulfilled. I have a lot more stuff to buy though. So friends, my motif is Zen. Most of my furniture is light-colored wood. Zen furnishings and trinkets are most welcome. Hehehe.

Adulthood

Today, I opened my own checking account.

I am now officially a grown-up.

Palawan-crazy

3 days in Palawan is sooooo bitin.

But I think that was just enough time for me to enjoy the island and realize that I want to go back for more. I get bored easily in one place given an extended period of time.

Palawan is a very ideal getaway. The Boyfriend and I had the time of our lives island-hopping, frolicking in the beach and snorkeling with the schools of fish.

We flew to Puerto Princessa via Air Philippines. The airline has a lot of promos for their tour packages – at 50% off!

The Boyfriend and I stayed at The Legend Hotel. The rooms were very cozy, plus they have a pool that is available for night swimming.

It was a good thing that we had a friend from the area. He drove us around Puerto Princessa. Thus, we got the chance to visit private ranches and haciendas. We also went to the crocodile farm (they let you touch the crockies for 30bucks) and Rancho Santa Monica.

There is also a butterfly farm within the city but the butterflies usually gallivant in the garden early in the morning so it’s advisable to visit it from 7am-10am.


Take me to the beach

We went to Honda Bay and Snake Island for snorkeling and sea frolicking. We rode a small boat to get to the 2 islands.

We also passed by the Bat and Starfish Islands with other local and foreign tourists.

Honestly, I prefer to be with foreigners during group tours. Filipinos in group tours would make you wait for hours! Hello! They should get their own private tour packages. It’s so rude of them to make others wait.


Nightlife and the food

On our first day in Puerto Princessa, we had lunch at the Vietnamese Village to taste a sampling of authentic Vietnamese cuisine. Tran said it’s the only place in the Philippines with authentic Vietnamese food. But how will I know which is authentic if I haven’t tasted one?

Despite the lack of ability to discern which is authentic or not, the food was really great! I tried their beef stew noodles and chicken salad.

The Boyfriend and I got a taste of the nightlife when Jeremy, our friend from there, took us to Kinabuch’s. Kinabuch’s is their version of Gerry’s grill. Try their crunchy sisig and inihaw na pusit.

On our second night, we went to Ka Luis’ restaurant. I loved the ambience and the food! Ka Luis’ is a restaurant with its interior made of varnished bamboo with native Palawan furnishings like rainmakers, drums, native paintings and rattan furniture. You have to leave your shoes or slippers on the front porch before you enter the restaurant.

We ordered a set menu of shrimp with lemon sauce, steamed catch of the day in mango sauce (this one is heavenly sarap), fried squid and tuna steak. The meals come with home-made salsa and nachos for appetizer and a coconut shell full of ripe mangoes, coconut meat, pineapple, melon, papaya and bananas.

All this for P550! In Manila, we could have paid more than P1500 for it.

There is fresh seafood everywhere we went. There are also dried fish being sold in the market. For pasalubong, we opted to buy roasted cashew nuts since we didn’t want the hassle of checking in the daings in the airport.


Yummy-licious Legend guy

His name is Sherwin.

For my single girlfriends, there is this handsome, drop-dead gorgeous guy working at the front desk of The Legend Hotel.

Tall, dark, well-built and very handsome.

It’s been a long time since my jaw dropped for a hunk.

Add this to the long list of my reasons for wanting to go back to Puerto Princessa.

Hahahahahaah!

I really hope I can go back there soon. The place is a paradise.

The Boyfriend and I also intend to go to El Nido and Coron.

I’m already looking forward to that!

Frenzied weekend

Walking and driving all across Makati, Malate and Mandaluyong despite the heavy downpour.

Yep – that was how I spent my weekend.

Either I was out in the streets looking for The Place or I was lying in bed hoping that the next day, I would be able to find it.

I am stressing over that right now – add to that the fight I had with The Boyfriend and his dramatic exit last Saturday. Things between us were resolved the same night, but things just got worse the following day.

The Boyfriend headed for the beach with the family, to celebrate Mother’s Day and his Dad’s birthday. Upon going home, one of the cars in the convoy accidentally bumped into a 6-year old kid.

The Boyfriend had to spend his whole Sunday watching over the kid in the hospital. Until this morning, the kid was in critical condition.

I asked if the family wanted to sue them. No, the family has no means of doing that. Instead, the father of the kid was overheard saying that if his kid dies, he would also kill someone from the driver’s family. Life begets life. How’s that as a mantra? I never knew we were still living in a barbaric age!

This morning, The Boyfriend is still not himself. He was still shaken since he brought the little boy to the hospital. He saw all the blood and gore.

So that leaves me fussing over the house-hunt all by myself.

I hope things get better.

Pa-cute days are (almost) over

From Cosmopolitan Magazine to Better Homes.

From Femalenetwork.com and Elle.com to Interiordesign.net.

It was a tough decision to make. I am used to the comforts of my own home, the convenience of having a yaya most of the time to take care of my things. Hell, I don’t even wash my own clothes.

Now I am compelled to look beyond shopping for clothes, shoes and bags.

This is a different ballgame altogether.

Friends won’t be seeing much of me for the coming weeks and months. I would be busy taking care of my BIG PROJECT.

Read: I would do whatever it takes for me to accomplish it.

Contrary to what some of my friends are teasing me, I am no kill-joy. I just decided to grow up and let the other younger ladies take charge of the pa-cutesy, teeny-bopper stuff.

It’s also not a passing fancy – a hobby or a project that I would soon get tired of. No, I wasn’t seduced by its novelty, as this would cost me so much of my hard-earned money.

It’s a good feeling, though – to finally get over superficial, mundane things and move on to the next phase.

Again, I am not yet getting married! I will spill the beans when the right time comes. I just don’t like people playing devil’s advocate when I have finally come into a steadfast decision. Yes, unsolicited advice is not welcome at this point.

So to my friends, thank you for the moral support. Enjoy the partying without moi. I’m sure the party would go on – more fun even. Just don’t forget to drink that one cocktail or shooter in my honor.

Night cap

I finally met Jovan’s girlfriend. Former Portal Kids from ABS-CBN Interactive met for dinner. Mark and Petite were there too!

Sarap talaga ng Napoli’s!

What made it more sumptuous were the laughter and the wisecracks. Romy would never run out of funny Portal experiences.

So we strolled down memory lane, reminiscing about Nora Daza as the Amir of Rap and other funny Ria stories.

After everyone got filled, Romy became the WAP and mobile phone repairman extraordinaire! Hahahaha!

We had 2 rounds of shooters in Aresi afterwards. I didn’t realize it was so cheap to drink there. Shooters are 50% off until 12am!

Romy drove me home at past 12. I wasn’t sleepy yet so I checked my email and decided to blog.

I can’t stop thinking about my BIG PROJECT.

I’ve been sleepless because of it for the past few weeks already.

The Boyfriend has been very supportive about it. Thank God for having The Boyfriend. He makes life a lot easier.

Wala nang direksyon yung blog ko so matutulog na lang ako.

How I wish the Portal kids in the US are also here with us.

Major project

I have a major project this coming June and July.

It is totally life-changing.

Sorry, I can’t divulge the details yet since I don’t want it to be pre-empted.

May the universe conspire in my favor.

Away from work

I somehow managed to mangle my blogger over this weekend, thus, the absence of my message board. I was attempting to overhaul it. I’m trying to work on my htmls, so watch out for the new blog. I lost my password to enetation, so I would only be able to fix it when I get back to the office.

Yes, folks, you read that right. I’m not in the office. I’m on extended break. Wooohooo!

8 stress-reduced, glorious vacation days!

I just came back from a day trip. Mom, sis and I went to Corregidor. I’ve never been there before so it was really nice. I like going to historical sites like museums and ruins. If a date wants to impress me, the secret would be to take me to places like those. I wish I could also go to Intramuros again since they have a lot of activities lined up for the summer.

Friends issue

Perhaps Ryan couldn’t take it anymore. The silence of our other high school buddies is deafening.

On the night of Easter Sunday, he picked me up at home. We went to a bar in Greenbelt and had a couple of drinks – ranted about quarter-life frustrations and disappointments. It was comforting to know that I am not alone in my crisis!

What’s more comforting is that I think I can go out with him now without having to worry about ghosts from the past haunting me. I think we’re cool as friends now.

And what do you know – Marc just texted this morning to tell everyone he had finished his masters in engineering already. There’s a party this Saturday night. I hope this ends everyone’s hibernation period.

I am tasked to bring wine – as always! I guess things are on the roll again.

Bye, Bud!

At 10:43 pm last Monday, his plane took off.

Before that, we spent hours on the phone until daybreak. He was asking how I would feel if he doesn’t come back. Will he be missed? Nah – I’m not gonna give him that. His ego is inflated as it is. He was betting he will be.

With a heavy heart, I called him half past six to say goodbye. He was at the Town Center, doing his last-minute shopping for Johnson’s Baby Cologne!

I told him not to forget his SARS mask.

By 10pm, I got a text message from him that he was on board. I was the last person he was talking to before he left. Touched naman ako. We were texting until the plane took off.

I finally gave in and texted him that he will be missed. Sige na nga. It’s just not the same – I got used to his company and his almost 24/7 availability when I needed some sense knocked into my stubborn head.

Enjoy your break, dude. See you soon.

Find me

Friends have been texting and asking – where the hell are you???

What can I say? I needed a break!

Wow – people actually cared.

You know who you guys are. Thank you for looking for me.