To Sir with Love

Exactly three years ago, we were together in Jakarta. 

We spent the weekend together with Ate Evelyn, plowed through the antique shops of Jalan Surabaya for my furniture collection and bought my first serious nude painting. 

We went to Segarra to see the sunset while we were having cocktails. 

Blame it on Timehop that I actually unearthed this specific episode. 

Can you believe it? It has been three years. Has it been that long? 

I haven't seen you for two years now. The cosmos has yet to align for us to bump into each other once again. We share the same city once in a while. We check in the same hotel, for crying out loud! Yet we never, ever come across each other.

Perhaps the Universe knows in her core that I may not be ready for it - no matter the brave front. Honestly, the thought bubble in my mind is: Are you? 

Three years.

But the photos still scorched something in me. 

I still bled a little. My throat still burned from choking back tears and my chest felt like there's an anvil shoved on top of it. 

Ganon pala talaga kita minahal. 

I casually told Nabeth what happened today, of three years ago. She said, "Sayang si Sir. Akala ko talaga kayo na." 

I thought so, too. 

Today, I'm in a much better place, but the thought of you...of us...still strike me nostalgic. 

I can't help but wonder until when I will bleed a little when I think of you. 

I guess this is what great loves do to people. They make you realize the amount of pain and love you can bear for one person, just for the want and the need to be with them.  

Sir, you're definitely one for the books. 

After all, there is only One Great Love in this lifetime for me.

That, or I may just be waxing sentimental.  

The Ladder Theory

So...

I read The Ladder Theory again. 

The question is: 

How high am I in yours? 

#feelingera

Notes to Self on a Monday morning

He's a tiny fraction. 

He's a rat. He's a rat. He's a rat. 

Repeat until you get over it. 
Even if it takes a thousand times. 

Of July and Freedom

Speaking of time, June was arguably one of the fastest months for me this year. June, well, just breezed through!  

I went to KL twice last month to spend time with the in-laws and attend a wedding. 

Significantly, I went back to my fitness training regimen. I've been going very regularly. It helps to have a cute personal trainer you get along with. =) 

July ---- this is it! 

Be nice. Be fun. Be kind. Be exciting. 

I'm hopeful. Very hopeful. 

=) 

Time flies

Two more days of May. 

OMG.

Time flies. It's already the middle of 2014. Four more months and I'm turning another year older. 

WTH. 

Gretchen Rubin is right. 

"The days are long and the years are short." 

All the more that we need to spend our time wisely, spend more time on people and moments that are worth it. 

A few days ago, I was at a crossroads once again, wondering if I was doing enough or if I can do so much more. I'm doing quite well at work but I'm aware that if I spend more time in the office, if I get more work done, I can sashay so much faster to the VP post. 

I wanted to go full throttle once again. 

Until I went to my rehab schedule at Saint Luke's a few days ago. 

While waiting for my rehab doctor to see me for my injured hip and thigh, there I was, sitting on the couch along with the other patients. We were only two kinds: younger people my age who injured themselves and the elderly who suffered strokes or underwent a recent operation so they needed therapy afterwards. 

As I was looking at the more senior patients, I realized two things:

First, that health is the greatest equalizer. It knows no socio-economic status. 

Second, nobody looked back in their lives and thought: "I should have spent more time working in the office." 

Those thoughts were enough to straighten me out. 

Yes, I clocked out at 6:30pm last night and spent the rest of the evening having a good conversation with my husband. 

I'm aware that if I want to take this route, my VP post will take a longer while. 

But I will get there without sacrificing the people and the moments that matter.

And this, I have to remind myself everyday.  
 

Perfectly said

"Silence does not always mean yes. It may also mean no but it’s better left unsaid. Anger does not always mean hatred. It could just be a means of coping. Laughter does not always mean happiness, sometimes it’s just a mask. Tears does not always mean sorrow, it may also be an outlet of joy. Staying away does not always mean it’s the end, it may also mean the best beginning. And life, though is so complex, it’s always beautiful."

Well, hello there, Monday!

I've got a hectic day ahead of me, but my head isn't quite there just yet. I went ahead and beat my coding so I got to the office very early so I can make a head start. That didn't help. 

I'm still distracted by our quick weekend trip. I had a quick weekend getaway at Casa Valencia, Laguna with my old Portal team, gathering together the old and new members. 

It does feel great to be early in the office - get some peace and quiet. I enjoy the solitude and the time afforded to me to really take the time to reflect on my Evernote to-do list. 

Yes, it's gonna be another one of those weeks when I'm gonna have to attend back-to-back meetings, lunch included. 

It was a great weekend, though. I can't complain. I got to spend time with Skye and my team. I managed to get drunk by 4pm on a Saturday afternoon, with no hang over the following day. 

Everything is great. I just need to wrap my head around work again.   

All is well in the world

I've got back-to-back-to-back meetings. I take for granted my personal errands.

BUT...

I was able to promote 2 of my team members. 

I got a salary increase that doesn't insult my efforts from last year. 

I've got very reliable team members who I can depend on. 

And despite our crazy-hectic schedules, Skye and I have one end in mind: at the end of the day, we come first. 

Our marriage is our priority. 

All is well in my world again. 

=)

YOLO

You only live once. 

For some, they may take it as maximizing whatever life has to offer, to the point of being reckless. 

Admittedly, I may have subscribed to the same mantra when I was younger. 

Come to think of it, I may actually have been the classic case of a devil-may-care, risque' person a few years back. 

I partied so hard that my friends and I can shame younger people because we can stay up in Prive' until almost five in the morning and head out to Recovery Food or the nearest Chinese restaurant for breakfast until 7. 

I have a record of out-drinking several of my guy friends who were twice my size. My biggest record so far is out-drinking my husband who happens to be well-trained in downing whiskey like there's no tomorrow. 

Drunk driving? Guilty. I scratched my car not once, not twice, because I was intoxicated but I had to drive myself home.

Overspeeding ba kamo? I was the queen of overspeeding in EDSA when I had one too many to drink.

No, I'm not proud of it. In fact, I don't want my daughter to even know. 

On a lighter note, I'm quite adventurous as well with things I want to do. I took on surfing, I love heights and sky diving is still in my bucket list. Wanderlust is very natural to me. 

I was also risque' in romance and relationships. Trauma is not in my vocabulary. No matter how many heartaches I went through, I took the blow, yes, but I always dusted myself up and tried again. 

Looking back, I was one of the poster children of YOLO. 

Am I as rogue as I was when I was younger? 

Not quite. Somehow, I managed to tame myself and behave. Things are not what they used to be. 

The mantra still holds true for me, though. 

You only live once. 

Therefore: 

Try to make the best of everyday. Make a dent - big or small. 

You only live once. 

So live everyday like there is no tomorrow. Call your parents. Say I love you to people you care about. Do everyday things with your purpose in mind. 

You only live once. 

Do things with this at the heart: Integrity. 

Integrity is the cornerstone of a person's truth. It's one of the virtues that makes us try to do things right, at least most of the time.

This is a realization that will come in every person's life, eventually. As some of the wiser people ahead of us would say, it is one of the virtues you will stumble upon and learn to value once you "see the light." 

I'm glad I did. 

 YOLO.

Yes, I still subscribe to the mantra, but hopefully, with more substance this time around.
 

When it rains, it's Four

This whole week's totally for the books. 

1. New mandate. 

2. New scope. 

3. New role expansion. 

4. Another team folded under me. 

Ako na. 

Ako na talaga.  

Ako na talaga ang nagmamaganda. 

I don't know if I'm punching above my weight here, but my new scope is gargantuan. Admittedly, I asked for a scope expansion but I was happy to just add another stream under my belt. But NOOOOO. Kailangan ba talaga dalawang buong department? 

Seriously. 

But as usual, I'm happy to take on the challenge. I just said yes. 

I'm excited. But I'm also scared. 

Gulp.

After declaring to the Universe that this year, balance is primordial to me, this is what I get.

Okay payn. Andito na, eh. 

Lezdodiz!  

(So help me God.)

Happy birthday, Skye!

Your sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek sense of humor really got to me, at a time and place when only few got the drift.  I remember being the only one who laughs at your jokes in conference rooms when you were still pitching and presenting to me.

I have come to love you because you are both funny and witty. At the same time, you are head-on serious when you set goals in life. You are sincere, loyal and you are such a great friend. Your friends can definitely attest to that.

You have a good and kind heart, despite the sarcasm. You have the virtues that I lack, which makes you perfect for me.

Today, I am reminded that I married a great guy.

Happy, happy birthday, Skye.

Looking forward to coming home to KL together tonight. And cheers to more blessed years ahead of you. 

Monumental 02.15.2014

A month ago, this happened...

Yes. The Bitch finally got hitched. 
 

To a fine young gentleman.   

It was an awesome party, to say the least. =) 

 

 

 

Attended by the people who matter, the Inner Circle, the ones near and dear to us.

Will it be a happy ever after? 

Fate is always in both God's hands and ours. We carve our own destinies, but we must always seek God. 

I know it won't be an easy ride, but I'm excited to take this journey forward. This time, I'm not alone. I'm with the best person I can ever be with.  =) 

I don't believe in fairy tales and happy ever afters. 

But cheers to MY happy ever after.

Of best friends, saying goodbye and welcoming another one back

Indeed, life is a wheel that goes on and on. Sometimes, we say goodbye to people we love, but if they are meant to be in our lives, they eventually stumble back in. 

Des is leaving for Melbourne next Tuesday. While I'm saddened that I will soon lose one of the besties within the Inner Circle, I'm also excited to have someone back again. 

VERY EXCITED!!! 

Ate Eve is coming back to Manila for a new gig. Whilst we will be on the opposite site of the fence, it doesn't matter. I'm getting one of my best friends back. That, to me, is what matters.  

Ate Eve is one of my crutches during my Jakarta stint. She was my sounding board, my weekend salon and shopping soulmate even before the Malaysia Boys came into both our lives. 

Although we kept in touch very regularly despite the distance, being near each other still mattered. 

And now, we're back together. IN THE SAME CITY!!! STARTING TOMORROW!!! 

*dance of joy* 

Here's to more adventures together. And cheers to good ol' friendships! 

  

There are days

There are days when you cannot let a tiny infraction slip. 

There are days when you hear someone say something and you just want to lash back at the person.

On most days, things are fine and dandy, but there are just days when your patience is only a thread left before it breaks. 

In moments and days like this, I try to sit in one corner and wait it out until things get better. 

Today, I'm sitting it out. 

With Godiva dark chocolates, hoping that the sugar rush will perk me back up. 

On taking the high road

Why self-reflection is needed every now and then: Sometimes we see the speck of dust on someone else's face without seeing our own. We demand respect from others when we don't know how to give it. We ask people to be gentle but we cannot control our own temper. We implore others to be humble but we do not go down on our own high horses.

Love begets love. Respect begets respect. These transcend the boundaries of age and manners.

Self reflection means doing it first to others before expecting others to do it unto us.

The high road to this is doing it first, without expecting others to do the same, and forgiving others when they ever forget.

Today, I'm choosing the high road.

Tulog lang ang katapat

I've been feeling under the weather for the past few weeks. I had allergies that won't seem to budge, my cough was incessant and I lost my voice for a good 3 weeks. 

I didn't feel tired. I was running around talking to suppliers and meeting up with our wedding coordinator. I just wanted to get a lot of things done before the big day. My internal target is I'll be just sitting pretty on the week of the wedding. I don't want to be running around like a headless chicken trying to check items on my list on the last minute. I definitely don't want that kind of stress! 

Admittedly, I've been losing sleep since I needed to wake up at 4:30 am in some days just to drive out to Tagaytay to meet suppliers and do my fitting. 

I guess the lack of sleep took its toll. 

This weekend, I decided to lay low a little bit. I still ran my errands but wasn't too gung ho about it. I managed to tick off items on my list but I slept when I felt like it. 

Saturday night was spent reading a book and sleeping in. Sunday afternoon, I allowed myself a long nap after our usual family lunch in my apartment. 

Today, I feel like a million bucks! 

Nothing that a good sleep can't fix. 

This week, I won't deprive myself of the Zzzzs. I'll definitely try to iron out more kinks but sleep will be an ultimate priority. =)   

Saying goodbye to people

It's a sad day. 

A young colleague passed away today. He succumbed to cancer just an hour ago. 

When I saw the posts on Facebook in December that he was in the middle of the battle, I found myself silently praying for his recovery. While alone in my car, while walking the hallways of the office, I muttered short prayers to myself for his healing. 

We're not even close. When I was still in Indonesia, I was surprised that he added me on Facebook. I just added him because I saw that we had a closely-knit social network. 

Until I came back to Manila and to my company. We became teammates. We were on a hi-hello chica basis, but he always had a positive aura. He was a good young man. Faithful, God-loving.

He was a pioneer in the blogging space, introducing video blogs in the Philippines. 

Ang gaan niya katrabaho. 

I was silently praying that he wins this battle. I told God we needed good people like him around, to rub off more goodness and faith unto others. 

I guess God had other plans. 

I don't know why I'm greatly affected when we're not even close friends. 

Truth be told, I'm on the verge of tears while writing this blog entry. 

Nasasayangan ako sa isang mabuting tao. 

Admittedly, he fought the great fight.

Coy, you will be missed. Thank you for the courage, for the inspiration, for your contribution to social media. 

May you rest in peace.

When God sends his army of angels

I'm living proof.

When you need help, God will send his army of angels for support. 

I've been very fortunate to come across people who also talk and walk the faith. They're making this entire journey easier for me. 

I've got tons of things to do and organize and every step of the way, I meet people who can either help me with what I need or point me to someone who can. 

It's really all in His time. 

=) 

NKKLK!!!

To the ones who are not used to beckie speak, that reads as NAKAKALOKA! Hahaha. 

I definitely opened 2014 with a big loud bang in the office. 

Normally, people suffer from post-holiday blues after Christmas. 

Not me. 

I hit the ground running. 

My schedule is full to the brim. 

I made sure I had 1:1 sessions with my one-downs to ensure they know what they're supposed to do and what to deliver in the first quarter of 2014. 

On top of all these, I'm doing project management work for THE BIG EVENT. I hired a full-time coordinator for this, but being the OC me, I need to be on top of things. 

Keep calm, keep calm. I keep on reminding myself. 

At the end of each day, though, I feel an overwhelming sense of pride and fulfillment, knowing that I have been productive. 

Sulit ang bawat araw. 

*feeling fulfilled*

 

Day 1 in the office

Despite my anti-coding sticker, I am here in the office by 7:20am. I wanted to be early to catch up on my to-do list and schedule meetings in advance. 

I have an LSS running through my head, thanks to Brother Bo's message at the church service yesterday: 

"Something good is going to happen to you
Happen to you this very day.
Something good is going to happen to you
Jesus of Nazareth is passing your way."

I definitely feel it. 

The best is yet to come. 

I'm claiming you, 2014!  

Life's simple blessings should not be taken for granted

...because the simple graces that we tend to overlook are actually the best ones. 

I love my quiet mornings, just like what I am having right now. I know I can never reclaim my quiet mornings once Abby really moves in with us and if we ever have one child of our own.

I love the smell of my Cambodian hazelnut coffee and the sound of my sputtering coffee maker. 

Mix that with the smell of my vanilla candles and incense. TOTAL BLISS. 


I love that I can call back home to check on my Mom and just talk to her.

I love that I can choose to be lazy on a Saturday morning, tucked in between my soft, lavander-smelling sheets or I can decide to put on my kicks and hit the gym. 

Today, I have a TON of work for our wedding preps, but I chose to be zen for a little while longer this morning. It's a simple reward for being efficient and productive yesterday. 

Before I hit my Excel sheets and style guides again, I wanted to be silent, to write and to be grateful for this morning. 

Time and silence are both gifts we take for granted. 

I'm grateful to have them this morning. 

Thank you. 
 

Day 3: Errands here and there

Day 3 of 2014: I'm back in Manila. 

This entire day will be spent running errands and ticking off my to-do list for the wedding. The list is still a long one. 

I committed to be Zen about it, as this year, I promised to reduce stress and remove garbage in my life. 

Yes, back to basics. Back to the rudimentary, but the very important aspects of my life. 

Balance, among many other things. 

Game on, 2014! 

Let's make music together! 

Of airports and planes

I think I've blogged about it already before, but the way I feel about airports remains the same. 

I feel melancholic whenever I'm in airports. 

It means a state of transition and change for me. 

Although I'm always excited of changes, I also feel sad about leaving. 

I had a great time in Malaysia this time around --- probably one of the best trips that I've ever taken in the country.

Things around here are not new to me anymore. What made it great are the people in here who welcomed me back with open arms. 

And Skye --- who always has my best interest at the forefront. 

Blessed and grateful, as always. 

=) 

A few hours and I'm back in Manila! I can't wait to start running our wedding errands! 

Day 1 of 2014

New Year's Eve was spent at the Mandarin Oriental beside KLCC Tower so we can witness the fireworks up close. 

It was a quiet celebration --- cocktails, buffet dinner, fireworks display and a champagne toast by midnight with Skye's family. 

Today, Skye and I had dimsum for lunch, ran errands, bought his 3rd pair of Onitsuka shoes as my New Year's gift and bought his clothes to be brought back to Manila. 

We had a long nap in the afternoon, woken up by his Dad for a taco feast dinner. 

The entire night was spent at home, planning our wedding and ironing out more details together. 

Definitely a good start for day 1. 

Moving up and moving forward, 2014!