All things purple

As I expected, a lot of my friends gave me purple stuff this Christmas - just like what happened during my birthday.

Purple candles, soaps, pillow, sweat bands, vanity kit, vanity box, pens, mirrors and comb.

I opened my gifts on Christmas Eve and I ended up with a heap of purple stuff.

So today, when Jovan asked me what I want as his Christmas present, I told him - anything will do, as long as it's not purple.

But friends, don't take offense. I just don't want my bedroom and office table to look like monochromatic purple. Hehe.

Here's my best gift list for Christmas:

1. Best material Christmas present - the Sony Ericsson T68i my boyfriend gave me.

2. Best non-material present - my Mom's recuperation from cancer [for good, I hope]

3. Funniest - the invisible bra straps from Marks and Spencer given by Raoul.

4. Yummiest Christmas goodies - Liza and Jesse's ensaymadas, John and Mica's apple pie and Marione's homemade cookies.

5. Most comforting - small purple pillow given by Teng [reminded me of childhood past when I used to thumbsuck and bring along a small pillow with me everywhere!].

6. Most useful - V's pink tsinelas. I love the slippers! They're not purple!

7. Most kikay - Mica's 1 year supply of eye shadow applicators and Elisa's purple vanity kit [an aside: a lot of gifts I received have allusions to vanity. No one gave me a book, damn it!]

8. Most unique - Abi's Asian-inspired mirror and Jonathan's huge purple tubao from Zamboanga.

9. Tiniest - earrings from Carissa [yes, I unearthed them underneath the pile of purple tissue paper. Hihihi]

10. Priceless - the hugs and kisses of the family, the doting words of Grandma, The Boyfriend's "I love you," friends' phone calls and text messages, an X's overseas call to kiss and make up at 2 in the morning, a friend's company and the comfort it made me feel, the simple fact that I have a bestfriend, the smiles I brought to the people whose lives I was able to touch this year.

Aaaaw.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Complicated

It's flattering...

We've been friends for several months now. I thought the attraction already fizzled out for her.

To hear that I am still her best prospect [for lack of a better term] until now is something I couldn't imagine. She still sees me as the worthy one.

WOW.

I feel I don't deserve it.

One of the things that stops her from pursuing me is the fact that she feels that she can't maintain me at this point.

Funny, I see her in the same way.

We got drawn to each other in the first place because we believed in the same principles, valued the same things.

And funny, how the things that brought us together are also the same things that keep us apart.

Boy meets girl

I'm trying to make it up by posting as much as I can right now since I have spare time. :-)

I met a boy who's as equally thirsty as I am in maintaining the chase in a relationship.

He craves the pursuit as I do.

He does not believe in complacency. He gets bored with it. He likes to be on his toes the whole time - and he expects the same thing with his lady.

When we were talking about it I remembered my post where I rambled on and on about men not being able to maintain the novelty and the chase which makes a relationship eventually go blah.

He was on the same page about it as I am.

Quite interesting, huh?

Quotables

"So many boys and so little time."

Said Castella when we were having dinner at CPK.

So what would my quote be?

"So many boys and girls and so little time?"

When you feel you're not good enough...

you may also be in a slump. It's one of the most atrocious kind of self-doubt you may ever experience.

Come to think of it, people who exude the greatest self-confidence might just be the most insecure person you have ever known.

It's both a blessing and a curse.

Thinking that you're not good enough will make you strive to be better. But it would also unleash an entire spectrum of insecurities.

It can even be a double whammy. When you feel that you're not good enough for someone, you work hard to deserve the person.

But when the time comes that you know you already accomplished your mission, you ask yourself - is the person still good enough
for you?

There goes another vicious cycle.

Please lang

Right now I am mulling over the joys of being in a third world country.

Patriotic friends would hate me for this, but damn it, sometimes I wish I was born elsewhere. And let's not be hypocritical about it. Most of us have thought about this at one point in our lives. It has always been at the back of our heads, gnawing at us. The difference is only a few would be brazen enough to admit it.

It’s time for the musical chairs once again. Come January, people would be moving in and out of jobs. Companies that don’t make it would be compelled to retrench its employees, or worse, fold up.

The IT industry is eternally unstable.

Most of my friends and acquaintances in their mid-20s and 30s are seriously considering migrating to another country to escape poverty here and be able to raise their families either in the US or Canada.

Next year, we are facing an ever-increasing budget deficit.

The peso is forecasted to be weak in the light of the country’s higher inflation and lending rates.

FPJ is seriously considering the idea of running for President. With Panfilo Lacson as VP.

And they’re actually on top of the surveys!

So what happens to all of us? Seems like an Edsa Quatro in the offing.

Jaded as Romy was when he said this, I think I’m inclined to believe him now:

If FPJ gets elected as president, the poor deserves their poverty.

Crunch time

I hate to be a Dakila copycat, but I would also have to lay low in posting blog notes.

I'm part of the events committee preparing for the Christmas party [sorry, Mica, I can't help as much as I did before.

I have four papers to turn in on December 14 for school. I'm trying to rake in more points for school. I will soon reap the benefits when I bag that master's degree. Hah!

I haven't even felt the Christmas season. How can I if I don't have the money yet [hello bosses, we need our bonuses!]. And even if I do, I don't have spare time to go shopping for gifts.

Sorry, friends. Seems like your Christmas presents will be a bit delayed.

Demented thoughts from night’s past


What she said haunted me until the wee hours of the night.

“i have very different ideas about being in love and love itself....being in love is a sexual response....it's the desire to end loneliness....it's supposed to be fleeting.....love is the reason you stay in the relationship even after you [have] so called fallen out of love....”

I must agree with her. I have always been a firm believer that love is a choice – to stick it out with someone after the butterflies in the stomach have already subsided. I have long distinguished between falling in love and being in love.

I must say, I fell for her. I’m not sure if it’s just a strong attraction or love. I just know I have fallen. I can’t speak for her, but I know what I felt was reciprocated.

Then our conversation led to honor, faithfulness and fidelity. It was like a reinforcement of our pact, that dance as we might close to flirting and passion, we can NEVER go beyond friendship.

Nevertheless, we still talk about us, how we can stay faithful with our chosen halves, how we can restrain ourselves from falling deeply into each other, how we should just remain friends and how we can still see each other while ignoring that burning desire.

But isn’t it just another convenient set-up for both of us? Come to think of it, we have become free in expressing our thoughts and feelings for each other without the guilt brought about by the actual consummation of an affair.

It has become a safety net that we both created to deter ourselves from wandering and to continue, according to her terms, being “good” and “true.”

Yes, such convenience that it does offer.

Such agony as well.

We can never touch each other. We have to consistently ignore emotions for each other, and repeatedly remind ourselves that there is no future in it for us.

And I have to constantly tell myself, you have fallen for her, but you love someone else.

Of stalkers, flowers and homosexuality
in response to ramit's post

Please allow me to indulge in my very favorite capital sin - vanity - as I write a reply to one posting on my message board.

Wow! I can't believe some people are reading my blog. I never thought some would consider it interesting, as I tend to bore myself at times.

Thanks for the post, ramit. You might want to tell me your blogger, if you have any so I can pry into it as well. I value fairness, you know. Hehe.

The message board wasn't really my idea. It was Jovan's. My blogger was spawned by selfish reasons - to talk about myself, rant and rave about things, write about thoughts that might get me in trouble when spoken or written offline. Reading reactions to what I write wasn't really part of the plan. Not that I don't care about what others think. I don't want my opinion to be tainted by others', most specially regarding things I hold sacred. Yes, I am that stubborn and opinionated.

Reading my blog isn’t synonymous to stalking, ramit. Perhaps it would help me track our common friends if you tell me who they are. Were you talking about Camille – as in Littlefoot’s friend?

I’m tempted to ask you – ASL please? Hahaha. But the question is so 1990s. It wouldn’t be fair as well since you only know me from my postings.

As for the flowers, I don’t mind receiving them but I’d appreciate it more if it were a book, a pack of cigarettes or gift certificates from my favorite boutiques. Hee-hee. I don’t mind giving flowers, though. I am generous in that regard – mixed colors for friends, red for lovers, and white for those I love.

Being bisexual has given me both pleasure and pain, to put it simply. I don’t really like referring to myself as one. I think I am a repressed lesbian [Hahaha. Good thing The Boyfriend doesn’t read my blog!], in the sense that I am more inclined to get attracted to women but for now I chose the heterosexual path. It is safer, more grounded and less complicated. Call me a coward for my choice, but it does work for me.

My Temptress referred to it as love transcending gender. I believe so, too, but some might assail me from glorifying it. I speak only for myself. I am out with my family, to my best friends, The Boyfriend and some officemates.

Yes, my attraction for women landed me in trouble. In high school I was almost stripped off of my honors because of it. My former lover’s mother literally tried to exorcise us – thinking that we were possessed by demons. Damn hypocrites.

Perhaps the bottomline for me was acceptance. I am not a lesbian or a bisexual – I am a woman who has made my own definitions. And a woman, who admittedly is in the middle of living life and learning from it.

Life is not a popularity contest. If you strive to be popular to everyone, you would end up feeling miserable and incomplete. As long as you don’t step on people’s toes, whatever people say shouldn’t really cause you sleepless nights.

When the courtship stops

Why do some men think that when they already have the girl inside a committed relationship the conquest is already over?

Contrary to how they think, women believe that the quest is just beginning.

I think these men (I'm not referring to all of them, mind you) should be placed into some sort of training school where socialization with women is not bound by double-standards and machismo.

I believe that courtship should never end. The wooing never stops. I think I am a valid resource person for this since I have also wooed both men and women in my life. And I never stopped doing so even after they have agreed to enter in a relationship with me.

A man doesn't need to promise me the moon and the stars. I don't even need the vow of eternity as I have issues if forever truly exists.

All I want is constant reinforcement and fine-tuning of relationship, the loathing of complacency and mediocrity.

I thirst the constant intellectual and emotional challenge. I believe in the meeting of the mind, body and soul.

I don't need bouquets of flowers. Flowers, when plucked, are already dead.

But I dread the day when the relationship slides into insipidness and monotony.

Is this too much to ask?

If it is then I might as well convince myself that I would eventually end up a spinster. But I'd rather be one than settle for something less than I deserve.

Habit-forming

Okay, fine!

I will let it out of my chest.

After two weeks I am still affected.

Damn it.

I can't get rid of her.

She's just like a nasty habit that I have to kick out of my system.

What we are fighting for

As I talked to friends over the weekend, I realized that we are all waging the same battles. We are faced with almost the same issues: maintenance of romantic relationships or trying to get one, jumpstarting careers, payment of credit card debts and other growing mortgages.

I received an angst-ridden text message from a friend over lunch, asking for job vacancies. This friend threatens to leave the company if they're not given the year-end bonus they truly deserve.

What are we all fighting for? The bottomline is simple.

We all want quality of life.

Smorgasbord

I'm not really frustrated with my career right now. It's probably because I'm really pragmatic when it comes to things like this. Still, I can't help but think - is this really the path I want to take? I can't be in usability forever. I just can't stand the thought of doing web site QAs for the rest of my life.

True enough, I am with a very equitable employer (and I am very grateful to them), but what's in it for me for the long haul? As to the question whether I am staying here, I think I am for a while. I'm still studying and this is a very good training ground. Besides, I think the organization is worth giving the chance [tangna, loyal!].

As for friendships and romantic trysts, it's really hard to become friends again when you almost transcended it. It's like groping for words to say or things to do. It's like always having this mental checklist and friendship guard whether what you're doing is just being friendly or is it again crossing the line.

And yes, Jovan. It was something very difficult to do, in the sense that I know I could get away with it. Friends won't really be able to stop me, but I know I couldn't get away with it with myself. It's a simple mantra really: thou shalt not make enemies with thyself. Of course, things became easier because la querida is open-minded and easy to talk to. It helped that we are on the same page, realizing that there is really no future in it.

So dude, learn from this experience. Use it to your advantage with that Mayda issue.

Lessons learned over the long weekend

Thank you, GMA, for the long weekend. It made me realize a lot of things.

1. Some things are bound to happen, but some things are also bound to end. No matter how hard you try to avoid something from happening, it still happens anyway. If it does happen, don't feel sorry nor regret that it did. Charge it to experience, and to more expenses at that.

2. Love is but a word. Sacrifice gives it meaning. That is, according to my CEO and the trycicle where this poem was posted. Mushy but true nonetheless. It takes a lot of sacrifice and hardships to keep love and continue being in love. You just have to be sure that it's worth it.

3. When you are faced with a fidelity dilemma and you were able to transcend it, you will never have to be faced with that issue again. Says Marione. I believe so. One you have learned how to fend the temptation off, you would know how to fend it off again when it comes your way in the future.

4. You think you can stop anytime you want, but in reality, you just can't. Because if this were true, you should have stopped even before it started. Hmmm...

5. The bottomline is still what you really value in life. When faced with a lot of choices, the decision would always come down to what matters most to you. There will always be the seduction of trying out new things, but what would keep you grounded is what you consider important and your choice to stick with it.

My own roller coaster ride

I am beginning to form the conclusion that my life is nothing but a vicious cycle. This can be taken as something good, but I take it as something bad for me.

Same pattern of events. Only the characters are changing.

Right now I am again confronted with the dilemma with regard to which values are important to me.

Suffice it to say that it's not my first time to be trapped in between 2 choices that are situated directly at the extreme poles of the spectrum. One way or another, it would change my life.

It is again a matter of choosing between consistency and comfort versus treading the fast, the furious and the very uncertain lane.

If I go down deep inside me, I know what I want, but when I choose what I really want, does it also mean I am choosing form over substance?

The real ones

This sem break is really doing me a lot of good. I spent two nights in a row with long-time friends. Last night, I was with former officemates in Ortigas. I was touched that two of them gave me presents (though not exactly for my birthday). Con gave me a ring from Vietnam with violet stones on it, while Honeypie Lau gave me a purple bracelet.

Everyone assumes that until now, purple is my color, but I really appreciate the thought that they went out of their way to get me stuff that they know I like.

On my way home, I realized that I feel really good that I kept my friends and I already know how to discern who the real ones are.

I remembered how I haven't seen Honeypie for a long time and I just had to call him to cry and lament that I caught my x sleeping with someone else.

Sometimes even if you don't see some friends for a long time, it's not so hard to keep tabs with each other's lives.

You will always have your friendship to come home to.

What a haze!

I think I have the propensity to make my life complicated when things are already falling in their proper places.

Last Saturday was my last day in school for the first semester. After a grueling four hours inside the AVR taking my finals, Mica and a classmate decided to go to Chocolate Kiss to treat ourselves. This same day, I promised myself I will be going to the gym and I will be catching up with all the fiction books that I've been wanting to read. And I have a whole month to do this! This is some sort of reprieve for me.

Come Tuesday, however, my plans took a 180 degrees turn when friends started calling up and inviting for dinner, booze sessions and out-of-town gigs.

Last night, I went out with ABSi friends and The Current Temptation of My Life. I think the booze got the better part of most of us and there was some sort of disclosure about this attraction with me. The feeling was mutual.

I have to admit that I was attracted too. The person wouldn't be called The Temptation for nothing. However, the more logical side of me was still able to psychoanalyze myself and sort out my thoughts and feelings.

The undeniable fact is staring at my face: Friendship is the better option.

I'm not sure if this one is a case of right person, wrong timing or wrong timing, right person. Worse, it may be the wrong timing and the wrong person and it's plain and simple attraction.

The bottomline is: It's just simply WRONG.

Fuck.

You know, sometimes I wish I'm not the thinking kind so I can just impulsively rush through things.

Unfortunately, I've outgrown that.

What a birthday can do

I have been on this face of the planet for 25 years now.

To all those who remembered, thanks so much! I know some people are terrible at remembering birthdays and anniversaries, but I believe that true friends do not forget them.

At exactly 12am, I was in Starbucks with The Boyfriend studying for my finals. Arg!

At 7am, I was woken up by my mobile phone. Jersey girl called to greet me a happy birthday! I couldn't believe what I was hearing early this morning. But no, I wasn't dreaming. It was really her.

I wanted to scream at her but all the anger just melted away. Heck. It's my birthday. I want to start things right.

Thank you, God for the blessings. I've had so much this year. :-)

Ghost of my past [part two]

I have been in a stable and very committed relationship for more than a year already. Before The Boyfriend, I was also quite monogamous with my relationship with the Jersey girl.

This afternoon, Jersey girl's best friend asked me out to dinner. Seems like she's having relationship problems, thus, her need to seek my advice. Like I'm such a pro! Hell! I can't even resolve my own relationship problems.

But I am digressing.

In the middle of our conversation, she told me she needed my opinion because her recent flame is a bad girl like me. Bad what?

I wasn't able to contain myself and told her how come I'm branded the bad girl when her bestfriend was the one who cheated on me?

I just can't get it!

In one of my recent phone conversations with Ian and Ryan, the bad girl issue also inevitably came up. Like I would never be the one to grow old by myself, that I used to be such a player and I can still be if I choose to...

What's up all these?

I therefore conclude that no matter how hard you try to clean up your act, bad reputations will always persist and can even precede whatever things you do at present.

As for this bad girl label, I think I never was. It was just a case of wrong people, wrong timing and high expectations. A matter of crashing and burning.

And crash and burn, I did.

If that's what being a bad girl is, then call me one.

Asar-talo

Asar-talo is when you're pissed off at someone and the person is not even affected by it. Solution: the art of DEADMA. Besides, if the person is such a pain in the ass, logic would tell you he/she doesn't deserve to be given your time of day. Tama ba, M&M?

Ateneo, at last!

I was with V last Saturday, looking for apartments and condo units when Ateneo friends flooded me with text messages saying that Ateneo won - and is now the new
UAAP champion. Cheers, ADMU! Sa wakas nanalo. One big fight - til the next UAAP.


Of long-time friends and separate lives

During Marc's birthday celeb, only a few of the guys went to the party. I myself didn't make it since I was out of town with The Boyfriend that time.

Ryan said they've been ranting that finally, we are growing up. Or, the better way to say it, we have outgrown our regular parties and hanging out. Is this something good? I know at some point we need to outgrow partying - but these get-togethers help us touch-base with each other.

I took this Sex and the City test and see who I am likened to:



But I still believe a great woman is the combination of the four SATC characters.

Unsettling the settled

A flirt buddy.

An ex calling me for a dinner.

The most recent ex from Jersey wanting to get back together.

Had all these happened 1 or 2 years ago, I would have made a major fuss.

I would have to admit though, that the flirt buddy was ONE HELL OF A TEMPTATION.

And yes, I felt stressed when I got the feelers from Jersey girl that she wants to get back together with me. But when I tried hard to search my feelings, it wasn't really love that stressed me out. It was the fact that I was rejoicing her karma. It was like I saw this one coming.

Oh well - the best revenge is not to think about it at all and just live a good and happy life.

It's nice to be cozy, grounded and settled with someone.

The last mile

Sometimes, we get too involved with people. The empathy becomes so grave that the identification with another person becomes too much to handle.

I realized this week that no matter how hard we try to help others, we can only do so much. What is crucial is their decision to help themselves.

It is like throwing a lifevest to a drowning person. It's still her call to grab it or do nothing and end up drowning.

As for me, I can only be messianic up to a certain point.

It's good that I know that now.

Rendezvous with friends

Last night, I had dinner with 2 girlfriends. One of them is a veteran in relationships like me. The other one, who called for the dinner, is a late bloomer.

Con invited us to dinner to "consult" about how to deal with a make-out buddy who she is in love with.

We talked about a lot of things, tried to keep tabs on what's happening in our lives.

I missed both of them.

Celia is happy with her partner of one year. They are both surrogate parents to a lot of felines.

With 2 relationship old-timers and 1 newbie, there were a lot of questions we tried to fathom:

When is being close too close?

Is it true that proximity between friends result to something beyond friendship?

Why is it that when you are already within your comfort zone and you are sold with your paradigms, something/someone comes along to rock your world and make you question what you already have?

Is it okay to flirt with someone when you are in a committed relationship as long as you don't sleep with them?

Is there such a thing as forever?

As to the dilemma on forever or eternity, both Celia and I have issues about it. I have long been questioning its existence, but somehow, at the back of my head and the innermost part of me wish that it does exist.

Morning conversation with Jovan:

Me: You have to know that it takes a big VAVAVOOM for a long term relationship to be thrown in the basket and be replaced with a new one. Women have this bad habit of clinging into relationships no matter how bad they are.
Jovan: Tsk tsk. Poor mindless fools.

Are we really mindless fools? No matter how much we rave about women empowerment, why does it take so long for us to dump useless and imbecile boyfriends?

While some women have this dilemma, I, on the other hand, am struggling to keep a worthy boyfriend with me, what with all the pressure and stress around us.

To each his/her own.

Dreamscape

I've been having these dreams lately. They're very surreal.

It's a montage of all the people I have been thinking about lately - consciously and subconsciously. I only remember bits and pieces, but what I do remember are the people who were in it.

I've been dreaming about him. How could that be? He is currently gallivanting in Italy. I dreamed that he was in his office table, writing, while I was sitting in front of him, curiously watching him.

In the dream, I still desire him. Perhaps a manifestation of suppressed passion?

Then there were Jonathan and Che. I was walking behind them while they were hugging each other. A sign that he is ready for the taking?

The Boyfriend was in it, too, but I couldn't see him clearly. I was trying to reach for him and call him.

I couldn't find him.

Is this another forewarning?

Lying Naked

by Trevor Landers
(08/21/02)

I imagine her, lying naked
with fulsome breasts
telling the truth
exposing
more than flesh
and kingdoms have been fought and lost
for the touch of skin

Ang labo mo

Umalis ka ba sa buhay ko
Para lang bumalik
At guluhin itong muli?

Lumisan ka nang may galit
Bakit ba gusto mo pa ako ulit makita?
Para ba makikamusta?

Akala ko ba galit ka?
Labo mo talaga.

Reminiscent of the past

It's as if I am revisiting emotions from the past. Just like the Paolo incident two years ago.

Do I want to go back? Or do I want to stay in my comfort zone?

I don't think I need the distraction.

Jovan has a twin brother

And so we all thought one is enough.

But no. He has an alter ego.

Morny looked like Jovan, only smaller.

They have the same voice timbre, same mannerisms, same expressions.

I wonder who feels shortchanged with this funny twist of fate.

Hahahaha!

Peace, Jovan.

When your trust is betrayed by a string of lies, how can you start over again?

What if trust and honesty for you are what can make or break a relationship?

If the trust is gone, is it downhill from there?

Ghost of my past

My past is still haunting and taunting me.

I dreamed of her last night. Her face wasn't clear. In fact it wasn't her face, but in the dream, I was certain it was her.
She was skinnier. She was wearing this white silk blouse.

The dream was a bit hazy, but I knew it was her with me. We are amidst people we knew in the dream but in reality, I had no inkling who they were.

I wanted to stay in the dream. I wanted to dwell on the haze, to dwell on her presence.

7:30am.

My mobile rang. It was The Boyfriend giving me a wake up call.

Time to go back to my real world.

I am a very lucky girl

I'm early to the office today. You can tell from the time I published this blog.

As I got off the cab, I walked through the glass doors of our building. I was wearing my shades so I
couldn't see the people from afar.

When I got closer to the elevator, I saw a familiar sight. I squinted. I wanted to make sure.

Yap. It's him alright.

He smiled.

I removed the Danube shades. I smiled back.

He introduced me to his officemate. The hell - I forgot the officemate's name.

What do I care, anyway.

He volunteered to bring my gym bag. I apologized and told him it's heavy.

As we went in the elevator, he stood next to me.

We talked about common friends, the weather, sales, etc.

His shoulder brushed through mine. He was way taller than me but he leaned back on the wall so
we were shoulder to shoulder. This way we were able to chat quietly, amidst seven or more people
inside the elevator.

He mouthed several compliments.

"You're so pretty today."

"Yeah, yeah."

"You think I'm pulling your leg?"

Thought bubble in my head: "Dang! Your'e from sales!"

He was whispering in my ear.

It was very clear that he was FLIRTING.

Dang! He's doing a hell of a job.

As I was about to reach my floor, he gave me my gym bag and wished me a nice day.

I did the same.

I'm a very claustrophobic person but this was one of the very few times that I wanted to get stuck in the elevator.

For bloggers or bloggistas, as some would call them, one clear indication that they're still alive is the frequency of their updates,
or when the last time they updated their blogs.

Peach, buhay ka pa ba? Isang buwan ka nang hindi nagpaparamdam.

Emuriel,

If you're reading my blog, check this out:

One of my friends is intrigued about you. I forwarded your blogger to her, asked her to read it
every now and then.

She likes "your kind" - those who are into techie and geeky stuff. She said you write well. She's
a writer. She wants to meet you.

Yi-heeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

There's a catch, though.

She's engaged.

Tsk.

Sayang.

Belated happy birthday, Bobby!

Looking forward to that dinner with you on Wednesday.

Wisdom acquired over the weekend:

Everything boils down to the people around you, the people who are important in your life.

Even at work, you finish a task not for the sake of the task itself. Things will have a clearer
perspective if seen with people in mind. You do the task with people.

Says Stephen Covey.

Not seeing eye to eye

There are times when two people have the same goals but have different ways of obtaining them. There may not exactly be a right or wrong way of reaching the goals, but sometimes, the means of achieving it matter - especially if you are a couple. Although I am not an advocate of the Machiavellian belief that the end justifies the means, the latter is still very crucial.

In the middle of this week, the Boyfriend and I had a very big disagreement on how to resolve something. There was a major fuss over it. Up to this day, we are still very adamant about our opposing positions. The end-result: we are both distant and slightly apathetic to each other.

I acknowledge my fault. When something went wrong with a plan last Wednesday, I made him feel he was to blame for it. Although he didn't mention it, I know he got pissed off because what came across was not just "It's all your fault," but a whopping "You are so stupid."

I am sorry about it. I'm sorry that I made him feel bad about himself.

I didn't mean it.

But what I can't apologize for is the way I do things. He said I'm too structured when it comes to my plans. For him, it felt like no one - not even him - can deter me from doing and achieving something. No one can just ruin my plan or they will get hell from me.

Very true.

But this is me. This is my driven, go-getter self speaking, thinking and breathing.

I cannot apologize for it as it is tantamount to apologizing for who I am.

I am not just about to. I like how I do things. "My way" got me this far without his help.

It's not fair for me to be asked "where does US fit in the picture?" or "when will you ever acknowledge that we are in this together?"

Perhaps the thing to ask him is, are you willing to accept that this is me?

This is my package.

Take it or leave it.

Inside an air-conditioned bedroom
with a thick quilted comforter
reading Ben Okri's The Famished Road
sipping hot chocolate sprinkled with cinnamon
listening to D'Sound playing

Yep.

This is where I wanna be
what I wanna do.

Late in the afternoon, when I was about to leave the office, this conversation with Jovan ensued:

Jovan: hey! are you there?

Me: yeah. wassup ?

Jovan: missed you na. haven't talked with you in a long while. how's it hanging?

My interjection: Duh! This guy doesn't talk this way. Never talked this way. A big question mark was hanging on my head. So I asked:

Me: huh??? what's up with you???

Jovan: been out buging this girl from _______.

Me: nililigawan mo na? dang! update your blog!

Jovan: nililigawan? hmmm. that's a good question. maybe not yet. but i think she's ok. very down to earth.boingy boingy and sweet. the girl of my dream!

Oh.

So that was what it was about.

Sounds like Dakila is in luuuuuuv (with the twang on the luuuuuuuv). Or just infatuated, perhaps?

Enjoy the ride, dude!

'Wag mo ko kakalimutan kapag may gurlaloo ka na.

Hah! I'm not a blog addict after all!

See?

18.75 %

My weblog owns 18.75 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

When it comes to physique, the past doesn't matter

I have my reasons why I'm blogging about this, but I couldn't write it here.

I just thought about all the ugly-ducklings in the world who transformed into swans later in life.

Some of them are still unassuming about how beautiful they have become. Others have come to know the power that their beauty can hold, realizing that they can now avenge themselves from the tirades and mockery they were once victimized of.

Some say its a capital sin. It's vanity.

But sometimes, vindictiveness is understandable.

Missing the AS kids

Is it just me or is it my MA and all the school papers that I need to do?

I think I'm being more emotional. I miss my college buddies. As to how much, you tell me.

At 4:00pm last Saturday, I impulsively called Niño in Los Angeles to say hi. No particular reason for doing so. I just missed the guy. Onin, sorry. I didn't intend to diss your birthday and your send-off. Things were much of a rollercoaster ride for me that time.

I spent half my prepaid load talking to him! Arg. That was fun, though. And a bit sad.

Last Saturday, too, my AS friends kept on sending me text broadcasts. It was Moshe's birthday. Dude, happy 26th(?) birthday.

Moshe celebrated it in the coño highlands of Tagaytay. I still can't picture him in his self-proclaimed probinsyano coutoure. Sorry, Moshe. Going to Banaue doesn't make you rural. Like it or not, I still think AS blood runs through your veins.

Panet is sending daily am text broadcasts! Panet! You're alive!

Or should you be the one telling me that?

Hope we guys can get together for Arnold's birthday.

I miss Niño's swimming pool.

The same hurtful experience

I read Emer's blog about the brooch and the girl. Don't worry about it. If you think that's pathetic, well I guess I'm as pathetic as you.

What a coincidence. It's funny in some sort of demented way.

This Tuesday, while I was cleaning my CD rack, I came across 2 CDs that I intentionally buried into the deep recesses of my bookshelf. These are the 2 old-school RnB CDs that the X from New Jersey shipped during one of our anniversaries.

She gave me several CDs - collectibles from Broadway, South Border, Gary V's Interactive, etc., but I hid the two CDs in particular. They have the two songs that I swore not to hear again - ever. Not in this lifetime! The songs reeked of vows of fidelity, love - yada-yada-yada - the usual shit that I am very cynical of.

Fidelity my foot! One weekend in Atlantic City and she fucked this girl whom she said looked like her nanny!

I don't know why I still cringe at the sight of those CDs. I didn't want to touch them, too. It's like I'm scared that it would burn my fingers and the heat would shrivel down my resolve to loathe and hate her for as long as I live. And for as long as I can recall how she was capable of hurting me.

I surprised myself that time, too. I didn't know I was capable of feeling that tremendous pain. It felt like it was growing inside me, like it's going to devour me anytime that I allow it.

Oh well. I didn't have much choice to but to pick up the CDs. I brought them with me to the office. I lent them to a friend who's also into ghetto shit music.

When she returned them to me, I mustered enough courage to play them in my discman.

First CD, first song. Hmm... not bad. Then came the second, 'til I was able to finish the entire thing.

Twasn't that bad at all. In fact, I didn't feel anything. No twitching or thub-thumping on my chest. No nothing.

Though I'm still not complacent. One day, she will be back. Hell, I'm dreading that awful day when I would have to face her again and pretend that I don't feel anything anymore.

I know I would. But it's for me to know, and for me not to let her find out.

Frenzied Friday

6:44 pm in the office. Everyone, and I mean everyone, from my team is still working their butts off. There should be a celebratory mood but three of us will be working tomorrow. What a way to spend a Saturday.

Our outlet: to laugh at each other during brainstorming sessions.

Never forget your sense of humor during stressful moments.

Where is the silver lining?

The de-stressing that I did was already worn out an hour after I arrived in the office. After checking my email, I immediately went to my blogger to check the postings and write new stuff. As soon as the front door loaded, I saw that I was logged off! I've always been logged automatically, so I figured, someone used my PC and logged me off my Blogger. I checked with an officemate and it was confirmed that while I was on leave, they needed files from my PC and had to scour through it.

But why the hell did I have to be logged off???

The day doesn't seem to be starting right. Or perhaps the week.

Yesterday, while on my 1-day vacation leave, I just felt depressed and sad. And stressed. I really feel bogged down - what with all the work in my hands.

Today, I was supposed to submit my requirements for the loan I'm trying to get but I woke up late and I couldn't squeeze it in my tight schedule. I also intended to do some of my school assignments but forgot to bring ANYTHING related to school. I was so late I only managed to stash a pocketbook and a CD in my bag.

I can still hear Stuart Little's dad (I watched the movie last night with friends), saying that when things go wrong, look out for the silver lining in the clouds. There will always be one.

Well, I can't find my silver lining right now.

There is no silver lining.

The same way there is no spoon?

Shit. I'm mixing up my movies.

Such a drag

Yep. It was a long week for me. Every single day of this week felt like a Monday. I was literally forcing myself out of my bed. The weather was very conducive to cat naps.

I need sleep. And more sleep.

That's why I decided to take the Monday off. I'll be hibernating in the recluse of my bedroom. Sleeping. Doing my school work. Reading Candace's Bushnell's 4 Blondes.

What's it with blondes? What is the correlation of one's hair color to one's intelligence quotient?

Fuck. That's it. I'm really about to snap.

See you guys next week!

Just one of those days

I wanted to take the day off today. The weekend wasn't enough for me to recharge, what with all my school and work to-dos. But the good side of me kicked me out of bed at 8:30 am to hit the shower and go to work.

Last Friday, I watched Parokya ni Edgar's concert at the Onstage in Greenbelt. Is it just me, or does Emuriel have a striking resemblance with Chito? Dunno if that's an insult to you, Emer - but sheesh - even some of the gestures, man! And the way Chito flips his hair and strokes it backward. So much like Emer!

Buhawi's got a nice hair bleached blonde at the tips. Dunno if Buwi's still with his Teresian girlfriend. Vinci gained a lot of weight - and hasn't graduated from colllege still. He's two years ahead of me in UP.

After the concert, I followed my friends to Wasabi where they're having an RnB night. Haven't been there on a hip-hop night, so I figured, what the heck! Might as well check it out. But I was disappointed. For a hip hop gig, it was ho-hum. They were playing all the nice ghetto music, but the crowd was so uptight. No one was dancing. Hello???

WhereElse still has my vote in terms of ghetto night, or as how Sassa and Ngeps would put it, hip-hop shit.

What an eclectic night!

When hard drives and people crash

In one of the Sunday masses, I asked God to give me patience. I have long acknowledged that if I would write down all my virtues, that wouldn't be anywhere in the list.

Like what they warned me before, be careful what you wish for (in this case, what I prayed for). Might just be given to you.

Seems like the forces of nature are compelling me not to break Mongol no. 2 pencils like Mica, or throw my expensive cat figurines to the wall [Just an aside, the sound of the crashing of porcelain and glass has a therapeutic effect on me when I get angry.].

Last week, right in the middle of doing my first paper for one of my subjects, my hard drive crashed. Goodbye, paper! Good thing I was able to get screwdrivers and The Boyfriend got stuck in the house so I had a handy computer repairman with me.

This week, I had an encounter with a friend who also crashes into a state of anxiety and depression every now and then. He would always be in this state of mind and emotion - always in and out of it. A vicious cycle for him - and for all of his friends.

It's tiring me when I see him. I feel like all my energy is sucked out of my marrow. There seems to be like a heavy metal pounding on my heart and my lungs. Everything feels so heavy. Even my spirit.

Right now I want to stay away. It's the best thing for me to do.

Nope, I'm not leaving him. The bottomline is, he will always be a friend that I will keep. But right now, I need to space out. Recharge.

Before I myself crash.

TGIF!!!!!!!!!!

I know it's not grammatically sound to have a lot of exclamation points, as they do not add value to the point of having a lot of them at the end of the sentence. But what the friggin' heck! It's Friday! I can go out tonight and have fun with The Boyfriend. And go shopping, too!

Speaking of shopping, here's my current wishlist:

1. Handspring's new Visor Treo 270 - a mobile phone and PDA in one. Need I say more?

2. Nomad II Mg mp3 player. Yeah, yeah, I know I have a player already, but I can't help but love this one. It's such an eye candy!

3. 32 mb Smart Multi Media Card. I need this expansion for my mp3 player.

4. Rechargeable batteries - all kinds!

5. A universal battery charger.

6. A body glove protective case for my mp3 player.

7. A new Nike gym shoes. I don't know what kind yet.

8. A new diamond ring.

9. A new pair of brown curduroy pants.

10. A new Burberry bag.

Sigh. Lagot ang credit card.

Shout-outs

I haven't been blogging lately. I got addicted to this teeny-weeny MP3 player that I got from the CEO. Mucho thanks, boss!

Oh, it's not for free, though. I'm buying it from him for a hundred $s.

So there - what I've been doing for the past few days was ripping CDs, downloading mp3 files, til my hard disk at home crashed. Tee-hee-hee.

I have nothing sensible to write.

So let me just post some few announcements and thoughts about some blogs that I read recently.

Paging Emuriel. If you happen to get tired of your unemployment bliss already, do give me a call in the office or send me an email. One of our app dev people resigned so we're looking for a replacement. No shiftings, dear. It's a 9-5 job.

Jovan, if Emuriel gets in touch with you, please relay the message.

Oh by the way - the Okray shades you featured on your site, looked like Abu Sabaya's. Ee-hee-hee.

Ey, Micagurl, I loved the idea of breaking Mongol pencils to vent out anger, huh? At least, Mongol no. 2's are cheap so I can break as many as I like! I'd be breaking 3-5 boxes on the average per week!

When I'm angry, I just throw things. Like the figurines in my bedroom. But I stopped because the cat figurines in my bedroom right now are favorites. A couple of them were even flown from Japan.

Get well soon, Peachipay!

Today is Daria day

It's not one of those days. It's Daria day. Yes, Daria. As in that MTV character whose signature statement is "I don't have low self-esteem. I have low esteem of other people."

I dragged myself out of bed. I didn't wanna go to work. I have low - no - zero patience for stupid people today. And if The Boyfriend sees this blogger entry, I bet you my month's worth of salary I would get the flak from him. He loves people so much I'm already imagining him say, "How could you say such a thing? You're in no position to say who's stupid or not!"

Well, says who?

So I'm very quiet today in my cubicle. I'm staying away from people and begging people to stay away from me. Lest they wanna get it from me on a Monday.

Yes. This entry is very angsty.

Because I am.

Bye-bye, crushie!

I went to the office with Garfield puffy eyes today - a consequence of an argument with The Boyfriend last night after watching Minority Report. By the way, the movie was GREAT!

Today is a sad day. I should be rejoicing because it's a Friday. But it's also the last day of A here in the office. He resigned two weeks ago. Found out during the Big Boss' birthday bash in his condo.

We're giving A some sort of slumbook, a send-off gift. Well, it's actually not a slumbook. It's more of a compilation of our wishes for him. I wasn't happy signing it.

The send-off party will be at past 5. For the first time, I feel sad about a resignation.

Minus 1 hunkababe in the office.

I will miss his Rav 4 in the parking lot.

I will miss that appdev guy wearing that blue and white Polo Sports jacket.

I will miss my PDA partner during meetings with Smart. PDA as in that palm thing, not public display of affection, dummy! I wish!

Most of all, he will be missed because the office is not complete without him.

Like what Olive said this morning, it's sad to lose teammates to the world.

With a heavy heart, cheers to you, A! And see you around.

A great word I unearthed while reading Candace Bushnell's Sex and the City:

Abso-fucking-lutely!

Uttered by the tobacco-smoking character of Mr. Big.

The vain don't complain

This is the fifth day that I look like a dalmatian, what with all the spots on my face and neck - the remnants of the coterize session I had with my derma last Saturday. And I had to shell out almost 13kiao for that!

What - 13 kiao to look like a dalmatian?

Yep - I'm not kidding. And I have to go to work with this face everyday.

Such trade-offs of my most favorite capital sin - vanity.

The juggling act of working, attending grad school, keeping my friends and The Boyfriend, going to the gym and spending time with my family is already taking its toll on me.

I am drained.

Every single day.

I am tired.

Oh, well. Life's a bitch.

And so am I.

TGIF!

Sure glad it's Friday. I'm tired. Need to rest. I'm drained. I need my bed. And my sweet-smelling pillows.

I'm so lazy at work right now. I had a lot of stop-gaps and dilly-dallying. Yep. Lost in space.

Watched Scooby-Doo and The Sum of All Fears - two days in a row.

Matthew Lillard rocked as Shaggy in Scooby.

Ben Affleck for the Sum of All Fears, on the other hand, should thank God that he was made handsome. There is no iota of Thespianism flowing in his veins.

I'll be hitting the gym in a while. I don't even have enough energy left to write.

That's what Xs' are for

My X from California has been calling me recently. I heard she's in-between relationships right now.
And yes, I wrote that one right. It's a she.

You have a problem with that?

Anyways, before any bloodshed, here's a brief backgrounder. Although we had a bad falling out, we decided that the world is too small to have a lot of enemies. We patched things up and became really good friends eversince. Long distance man o hindi.

During holidays and any events in our lives, we call each other up. Although she calls me more often. Hehehe. Daymn! The overseas call charges are way, way up there, man!

Anyways, I asked her a small favor of scouting the L.A. market for a good MP3 player. Minimum requirement is it has at least 64 mb in it, expandable and with equalizers.

She said she has one and will just send the thing to me since she's not using it anymore. She offered it twice.

Well, I didn't ask for her to do that. But I'm taking it, anyway.

I'm crossing my fingers she's really sending it here.

User-friendly.

Not!

Heck, that's what Xs' are for.

Sabi ko na nga ba.

I am still a closet nerd.

Tinatamad akong magtrabaho.
Dahil gusto kong umupo sa isang tabi,
uminom ng kape,
magbasa,
mag-highlight ng notes,
sumulat sa notebook,
mag-aral.

After all these years,
nerd pa rin ako.

Parang naririnig ko na ang hirit
ng mga AS friends ko.

"Abril, if you don't have a boyfriend,
and if you don't have a life, we'll
think you're a freak."

"How come you get those grades when
we cut the same classes, watch the same
movies and hang out at about the same
time at the AS steps?"

Di nila alam,
kapag di ko sila kasama,
nerd ako.
Nakaupo sa isang sulok.
Nagbabasa.
Nag-aaral.

Hahahaha!

Shit.

I am indeed a closet nerd.

Same time last year

Sometimes, there are things that you tell yourself you're already over and done with. But when something reminds you of the past, it still fucking hurts!

With the same day last year, I was already preparing for my minor operation for the removal of my cyst. And around the same time last year, my X was already fucking someone else behind my back. I know long distance relationships rarely succeed, but heck - what ever happened to honesty? The least my stupid X could have done is tell me the real score. I could have let things go.

On a positive note, the break-up gave me a new and better life. I realized things are better without an imaginary partner that is located halfway across the globe. What my ABSi friend told me is true - out of sight, out of mind. Nothing can replace the comfort of an embrace, the bliss a soft kiss can make you feel.

I think things are better for me now. Thank God! The sweetest revenge is for you not to think of avenging yourself at all and living a happy and contented life.

Tribute to a loyal friend

Good night, Mojari.
You were a faithful friend.

I'm thinking of you today.
I thought of you as I awoke.
I thought of you as I drank my coffee.
I thought of you in the shower.
I'm still thinking of you now.

I hope you're in a better place
Where everything is fair
And people can you treat you well.
At least much better than some of us did.

Good night, Mojari.
Sleep tight.

"There is no such thing as a homogenized culture. Homogeneity and culture shouldn't be in the same sentence, in the first place."- says me

Globalization blooper:
Nike shot a television spot for hiking boots in Kenya using Samburu tribesmen. As one of the men speaks in his native Maa, the slogan "Just Do it'' comes up as a subtitle on screen. According to Lee Cronk, a University of Cincinnati anthropologist, the translation is less than exact. It seems that the tribesman is really saying ``I don't want these. Give me big shoes.'' Nike spokesperson Elizabeth Dolan admitted to Forbes magazine that the literal translation came as an unpleasant surprise. "We thought nobody in America would know what he said.''
- Media Awareness Network

No issues about vanity and shopping today. Much as I would like to brag about the cool eye candies I just bought, I'd like to write about a very passe' issue. Passe', but important to me, nonetheless. Well, guess what? This mababaw and vain bitch will talk about globalization. Oh, fuck. It's true.

Business people will argue this way: Complete elimination of all trade barriers in the world would add $1.9 trillion (about 5%) to the world’s gross economic product by 2005.

To cut the crap, businessmen (capitalists, more likely) claim that trade liberalization will rapidly yield big economic gains around the world. It is better to focus on a country's competency in terms of trade and industry to improve its productivity and economic growth.

I may know zilch about business, hell, I have to sit down for hours to fix my expenses and financial figures. But I do know this much: no matter how much they harp on the benefits of globalization, the fact remains that most of its proponents ignore the following facts:

- The cost of trade liberalization is steep: unsustainable trade imbalances, short-term capital inflows, growing income inequality, and increasing downward pressures on wages.

- Gone, too, is the consideration for environmental sustainability.

- Globalization more often that not, ignores a lot of humanitarian factors. Episodes of economic crises left people unemployed and poor. Inequality and wage erosion is propagated. Families and communities that have lost their livelihood are left with almost zero option since workers are unable to shift locations or occupations rapidly. The adjustment cost is simply too high.

I am not a hardliner with regards to this globalization issue, but I refuse to believe that globalization is the only way to go. It overrides the fact that there are human beings involved. Not just economics, business and money.

What the hell happened to sustainable development? I say, we have to be careful. Let's just bite what we can chew.

And yes, honey. I did my research.

For more resources on globalization, visit this non-partisan org.

The best things in life are free...not!

Although I refuse to believe that money makes the world go round, sometimes this maxim, no matter how utilitarian or superficial it is, holds true in a lot of instances.

For one thing, in order to afford the best schools, you would need to shell out a hell lot of money. Well, of course if you''ve got the brains, you can always go to UP. Ahem! However, if you want to go to AIM or get that US-based course, you would, at the very least, need a minimum of ten thousand dollars as education bond. What's up with that?

My friends and I have been going bonkers on how to budget our salaries to afford going to school, to the gym, pay off our credit card debts, spend for our monthly cost of living, yada-yada-yada.

Although most of us (including me), would argue that we need higher pay, I'm also inclined to believe that it's not how much we earn, but how much discipline we've got to save at least 10% of our monthly salaries and stash in our piggy banks. Heck, some people only get 8 kiao a month but they've got a fatter savings account than I do.

Now I'd have to find that discipline to save some of my income and avoid shopping for stuff that always end up at the bottom of my closet.

Hmm.. perhaps I misplaced discipline somewhere in the stash of my shoes and bags.

Shout out:

Ooops!

I almost forgot.

Happy 28th birthday to The Boyfriend, from your one and only Bitchina.

I hope you liked the present, even though the first one broke before I even got the chance to give it.

I love you.

Okay. Sheesh. Enough of the mush. I bet my friends are already cringing.

Oh well.

Mamatay kayo sa ingget! Hahaha!

It's a Monday

Noo-nee-noo-nee-noo.

I'm still on vacation cum shopping mode. I have gazillions of stuff to do, but let me dilly-dally for several minutes or so to update this thing.

Account of my weekend
Friday night, I went to the famous Terry Selection to buy the red wine I need to bring to ABSi for Mark's despedida. The place was flowing with booze. Since I don't drink beer, I gobbled up the white wine Jovan was serving in the office bar. O ha! San ka nakakita ng white wine na sini-serve sa shot glass!

And since the wine was being poured on those puny glasses, I think I had more than enough. When it was time to finally go to The Boyfriend's apartment, my sobriety was already nowhere with me. So while Jovan, Donna and what's-his-name was making chica inside Chai (Jovan's car with this really distinct odor I can still smell despite the fact that I was more than tipsy), I was already dead silent beside Jovan. No particular reason. Whenever I have more than enough booze, I always fall dead silent.

So there they were, still ranting about this obnoxious Finance personnel (I could still hear them), with matching Jovan complaining that my boyfriend's apartment is too far. And I was staring right in front of me, enjoying the dancing street and traffic lights. Hehehe.

One moral lesson of the story: If you want me to shut up, let me drink up. Hahahaha.

So come Saturday, I was still in The Boyfriend's apartment. Dozing off. In fact, I dozed off the whole day. Got up at 5pm, with my gimmick clothes still on. I didn't even bother to change into one of The Boyfriend's comfy shirts . All I wanted to do was sleep. There goes the Lucena trip I planned with him. So off he went to Lucena. And off I went to sleep.

Sunday was different. Sunday, bloody Sunday. Bloody for my wallet and credit card, that is, as I rummaged to all the Greenbelt boutiques for clothes. And more clothes. These midnight madness and weekend sales really have this hypnotic cum therapeutic effect on stressed Makati folks like me.

And then there goes Monday. Noo-nee-noo-nee-noo. With all the work piled up on my desk, I bet I need another good doze of a shopping spree by the end of the week. :-P

I made it.

I am admitted to UPOU's MS Devcom program.

Woohoo!

It's raining outside.
Masarap matulog.
But I'm stuck here in the office.
Conducting interviews.
Deliberating with TMs whether or not to suspend an offender who broke the rules.

Mahirap maging kaibigan
and maging katrabaho at the same time.

"If things aren't going your way and it feels like your whole world is falling apart, daanin ang lahat sa ganda!"

Watched Star Wars: Attack of the Clones last Saturday in the newest cinema in town, Greenbelt THX.

The cinema rocks!

As for Star Wars, I should've listened to my friends. It ain't worth my 130 bucks. As to why, here are some reviews:

"Parang Bodyguard of Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner." - my CEO

"With Anakin and Padme rolling over the grass with waterfalls as backdrop, you'd be left wondering whether you came to the right cinema and if it's the right movie." - Jaeo

"Padme's hair is so distracting. Disturbing even." - one of my coño UP friends

Lessons I have learned (and were reminded of) this week

TGIF! You bet it was a loooong week for me. To recap, here are some very important life reminders that I realized and remembered by virtue of experiences within 5 days.

1. Never apologize for getting over someone too soon. So what if the mourning period you allotted for a break-up is 3-5 days? Friends say it goes against tradition. Well, fuck tradition. I usually cry my heart out for 5 days tops and move on and join the dating jungle again. When there's nothing you can do about a fallout, the best thing to do is smile and tell yourself, "Next one, please."

Di ba noh, Peach?

2. When someone stabs you in the back, do not be afraid to confront the person. If he doesn't have the balls to tell you what's up his ass and what he's got going against you, at least prove that you will never resort to demeaning tactics. Sheesh. How can some people be sooo low?

3. Do not hesitate to bump a back-stabber pal of your friends list. Done once, can be done twice. 'Nuff said.

But...

4. When you are wronged by a friend, consider all options first. If the offense is something forgivable, let it slide. Lest you want all your friends transposed to your enemy list.

5. Friendships are always tested by the rough and bumpy voyages in life. Kapag may problema ka at to the rescue kagad si friend, love your friend for the rest of your life. Otherwise, ilaglag mo na 'yan.

6. Do not try to answer all the questions and puzzles in life. Mapupuyat ka lang. You need your beauty rest. All the questions will be answered in their own time.

7. Finally, I have learned that milk causes my hyperacidity. Yes, at 24, I officially became lactose-intolerant. Four friggin' days and I couldn't figure out why after 5 tablets of Kremil-S in one day, it still felt like my tummy is being slowly burned by acid. Gatas lang pala ang katapat.

Things to do when a girlfriend is in distress because of a bad falling out with an (ex)fiance':

1. Organize a get-together - no, a presscon is what you call it - with all the girlfriends.

2. Go to a bar in Malate where there is good music that is not too loud so you can hear everyone.

2. Order White Russian, Bailey's on Ice and Cosmopolitan. Drink one after the other. Cap with beer.

3. Go (ex)fiance' bashing. Sorry, guys. If this is what can make the aggrieved one feel better, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

4. Tell the aggrieved girlfriend to think this way: "It's okay. So he used you. Well, you used him too. So feel better about yourself." This one is courtesy of Romy.

5. Let the aggrieved girlfriend do what she pleases - rant, cry, get drunk, laugh and then cry again. It's okay to cross the borders of sanity once in a while.

6. Praise each other for being the goddesses and rulers of your own lives. And the men are just servants who will kow-tow to our every whims and fantasies.

7. Conclude the night by distributing packets of birth control pills as give-aways for the night. Tell each and everyone of your amigas: "O, mag-ingat. Mahal ang tuition fee ngayon." Salamat, Ate Mayet.

GetAsia recently released its list of what's best and worst in Metro Manila .

In High Fidelity fashion, here's my top 10 irritants at the moment that never fail to ruin my day:

10. The miasma of trafffic gridlock in Buendia, Pasay and Magallanes Interchange every Monday, Wednesday and paydays.

9. Erring taxi cab drivers. P120 bucks from Glorietta to my house in Buendia? You're fucking kidding me!

Hmmm... The previous 2 items are all about commuting. Is it time to get a new car? Lemme see... my savings, or a new car? Uhh... my savings! Unless gas prices start to plummet today. Which brings me to...

8. Oil price hike of P1, which would lead to increase in the prices of grocery stuff, my clothes, my shoes, my make-up, the continuous shrinking of foodies in Friday's and Chili's. They all boil down to one point: less shopping money for me.

7. Gym people who leave their sweaty stuff in unrented lockers for days, leaving honest people like moi who return locker keys with eeeeeewy smelly lockers. Or worse, no lockers at all. Not to mention those who have a knack of stealing safety pins(!!???!!!) for the keys. This is so disgusting and so distasteful. Hello??? It's a mid-to-high end gym, for crying out loud!

6. Drama queens who feel they're damsels in distress for the rest of their lives. Give us a break! You guys are also leaving people around you in distress. There are already too many sob stories on television. Please! Don't wait for people to rescue you. Rescue yourselves.

5. Egotistic men who think they are sooooo hot. Soooooo hot and irresistable... to strangle, beat up until they're all black and blue, put in a starchcloth bag and throw in the stinky Pasig River. Who are you kidding?

4. Double standards. This is a Filipino neurosis. So men can sleep around and it's oh-so fine. When women sleep with someone they like out of the bonds of commitment, they're sluts. Aw c'mon.

3. Emotional vampires. Emotional blackmail. Some people think they have all the problems in the world. Look, everyone has something to deal with every now and then. You don't have to appeal to people's emotions all the time. Nor do you have to try to get something by crying or making the other party feel guilty. This is so...cheap. No other word to describe it. Cheap.

2. Breach of trust and confidence. I just so hate people who stab you in the back. If you're a loyal friend, you're number 1 in my list.

1. Vanity. No. Narcissism. Vanity is my favorite sin, but when you're too self-absorbed and self-involved that you stop tuning in to what others need or you don't even know what's happening around you because it's just YOU that matters, that's a different thing.

So why the hell did I come up with the list? Actually, I don't know. Siguro I just had time to spare since I came in early this morning in the office. Hee-hee.

So, howdya like my new blogger, huh?

I get tired of being nice sometimes. Time to go whatever-bashing!

Freedom, at last!